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Has anyone ever successfully Reconciled after the Divorce was done and dusted?

I still want and need a Divorce.

STBX WH has some sort of fantasy playing out in his head, that it’s not the end for us.

I was contently separated since November 2018, Happily living apart since June 2019.

I demanded a Divorce in February 2020 when Reconciliation was going no where but bad to worse.

I want to start pushing him back towards Divorce as this was placed on hold due to the current World circumstances.

Plus, I was hoping that he would be in a better place, emotionally to endure this process and reach an amiable position. STBX WH wants Amicable on his terms.

We cannot agree on Terms for Reconciliation or Terms for Divorce. He loved the Rug Swept life and Obedient Wife.🙏🏼

the answer is: yes

Stand your ground. No matter what.

You want a divorce - get one. He’s wasting your time. He’s not your H. He’s not someone you wish to be with so move on.

Life is too short.

And yes you can reconcile after D if both parties choose to do so.

I would proceed with the divorce.

If he wants you back afterward, he can get in line and compete with all the other single/honorable men, and try to earn you back.

[This message edited by Decimated at 8:30 AM, May 27th (Wednesday)]

I personally know of two people that remarried after divorce. One ended up with him cheating AGAIN, the other couple hates each other.

On the other hand, I had in mind when I filed, that if he had an epiphany and changed into a thinking, feeling, perceptive person that changed at his core, that I would date him again from the SAFETY of divorce. Rock solid on your own and then from a distance, to date for a few years first. But divorce is step one to protect yourself if that is what you want and need as you said.

Also, there is no 'pushing' him 'towards' divorce or agreeing between just the two of you unless he is clearly offering more than you are legally entitled to and he signs for that, with a lawyer. Divorce is not a mutual decision. You file, then it is all a legal proceeding, no more talk between the two of you unless, once again, he is offering MORE than legally required. They ALL say they want amicable 'on his terms' as you said.

Good luck, you will feel so much better when this is finalized.

My grandparents reconciled after divorcing. This was back in the early 80's.

My grandfather ran off with a woman and married her. He left my grandmother and her two kids with $50. Literally in an envelope.

That marriage only lasted 2 years or so. Then he came crawling back. My grandmother took him back.

I made D a condition of and any hope of R. Fortunately, my WW was willing to not contest anything and we lived where an uncontested D was fairly quick and painless, even with children.

There was a delay of about 9 months after the D that I said I was ready to start R. We did remarry a few years later. The D was essential and the best thing I ever did not start moving forward. After the remarriage, I found lingering elements of TT and this was, as one can imagine, a big setback. After almost 30 years, we are still married. I am sure it was better for our children than if we had stayed divorced.

We never have the benefit of knowing then what we know now, but if that was possible, I would not have remarried. But, as I say, you cannot know what is not yet knowable.

I am a big proponent for going to D as a condition to R, where the legal system does not make that action too arduous and where you have a compliant WS. D was the BEST thing I ever did for myself. Our re-M is fine and it is good in many ways. But, as I say, hindsight is 20/20.

I think that's the dream for my former WW. She's hinted and made statements hoping that the D was needed so we could "reset." All while still sleeping with her OM.

I can't, the pain she willingly put me through was too great. I clued my family into all of the details and she'd never be accepted in the family anymore. It would make a R impossible.

I think that's the dream for my former WW. She's hinted and made statements hoping that the D was needed so we could "reset." All while still sleeping with her OM.

In my case, D was a requirement in order fro me to consider R. There was never any hint that D meant she could act single. That would have ended the deal for me. If D meant to her that she could move on or behave as though she was single, then I would have moved on as well.

We remarried but we are both miserable and solely marking time until our toddlers are grown.

My wife and my girls dream about this. On occasion I have thought of it. The problem is the underlying issue of her cheating has never gone away. It seems those who have here and their marriage after divorce proves my decision is the right one.

The problem is the underlying issue of her cheating has never gone away.

I think this explains 90% of all failed R's, especially those that pretend to be in R, but clearly are not. If the broken cheater never fully addresses the underlying brokenness, the only thing that changes is no more sex on the side. And we know, simply stopping the cheating goes very little ways to demonstrating core level needed changes.

A cheater who simply stops cheating is still a very unsafe partner.

Had some close friends what stationed on Guam. Their marriage ended in gun play and both being kicked out of the military. One went to NY and the other to CA. Coupe of years later one decides to write a letter of apology to the other.... ended up remarrying and the last I heard they were 7 years in and very much in love.

I agree totally with this:

I think this explains 90% of all failed R''s, especially those that pretend to be in R, but clearly are not. If the broken cheater never fully addresses the underlying brokenness, the only thing that changes is no more sex on the side. And we know, simply stopping the cheating goes very little ways to demonstrating core level needed changes.

A cheater who simply stops cheating is still a very unsafe partner.

Also, IMO, it's not worth doing the work necessary to R unless both partners end up feeling loved, and a WS who doesn't change can't love herself, much less another.

A cheater who simply stops cheating is still a very unsafe partner.

Thank you DIFM

I will present this to STBX WH if that’s ok with you.

Only yesterday I explained to H that I never felt safe in our marriage.

He continues to cheat. Sex may not be involved, but the betrayal continues.

Has anyone ever successfully Reconciled after the Divorce was done and dusted?

I have not personally, but a co-worker of my WH (that place is a high school hook up center) had an A with a co-worker, got caught, and decided he wanted to leave for the AP. His wife divorced him. Of course, the A didn't work out and I think was over before the D was even final or very shortly thereafter. Over the course of the next 7 years they started dating and trying to work things out. They remarried a year ago after being divorced for about 8 years, so yeah, it can happen, but it's not very common.

I read an article today that said only 6% of divorced couples choose to remarry, but if those who do remarry 72% stay married for the long haul. Contrast this with divorce rates of second and third marriages, which are high at 67 and 73 percent respectively in second and third new marriages.

[This message edited by Justsomelady at 8:57 AM, June 1st (Monday)]

Yeah, I did.

We divorced in 2017. He never moved out. I missed him like crazy when I would chuck him out for the night.

I don't think we ever gave up on each other. I could see how fucked up he was, and how fucked up the OW was. Just a front, both with massive insecurities. Arrogant - to appear confident, when both of them were anything but. Bragging to be relevant and interesting. I just felt sad for him, to be like that. I decided early to help him get back on his feet and change his attitude, so if we were going to be divorced, at least nobody would take advantage of him, like his mom and the OW did.

Tell him that you too hope for an amicable divorce, but on your terms. And let him know that the chances of any attempt at reconciliation will Be determined by just how amicable in the divorce he is.

And try not to smirk, smile, or laugh when you say it too him

Newlifeisgreat

Unfortunately, our separation was on WH terms.

I almost made it to the stage where my “New Life Was Great”

I had my own apartment. My adult sons live nearby,I was getting comfortable being alone and moving at my own pace, which was relatively slower and simpler than my life with WH.

But WH was jealous and spiteful.

I have given WH till the end of the month to come up with a written statement for the way forward.

Until then I am staying in limbo 🙏🏼