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scorpio1 ( member #6445) posted at 1:49 AM on Thursday, July 26th, 2007
I agree with everything you said. I wished that I had not wasted my time waiting for him to have remorse - there is none. I regret what I went through but at least I know that I tried and can move on into the future knowing that.
I know what I would have done if I were the WS and wanted to R. Now I know not to expect nothing less than what I would do in that situation.
If a situation requires a lie, you are standing on the wrong side of the issue.
Me-BS 41 years old
STBXWH-37 years old
3 kids D-18; S-15; D-5
fourtimesacharm ( member #14585) posted at 1:54 AM on Thursday, July 26th, 2007
Just wanted to day I printed this and posted it to my mirror.
Every book says 6mth-2 yrs before making a decision.
And I wasted money on that.
I never thought I needed to waste my time.
Thank you again!!!!!
Updated status: divorcing after reconciliation for 1.5 years.
BS:31 WS :33 last d-day 03-26-07
Seperated 4/6/07
Trying to move on
still confounded ( member #7826) posted at 2:31 AM on Tuesday, July 31st, 2007
Absolutely right, by my experience.
Bumping (again) for new to JFO..
"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.
got2moveon ( member #13270) posted at 4:22 AM on Tuesday, July 31st, 2007
I read each and every one, and I agree with them all.
Problem is, the BS heart does not listen to reason the same as the WS does not Care for reason. Sad, but I think that's true for most.
BS motive for not moving fast in the process...Love.
WS motive for not moving fast in the process...trying to decide what is Best For THEM.
When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.---Helen Keller
Thanks VanillaLatte :)
AFScrapperMom ( member #15544) posted at 5:51 AM on Tuesday, July 31st, 2007
Hear hear, and I'll add, I talked to my boss today, who is also a pastor (he's been on vacation) and he asked me if I would stay with WH if I found out he was still lying to me or had entered another affair and I told him no way, he had one shot to get it right, and I wasn't sure I wanted to give him that one shot since he blew it on the freebie marriage round. Anyhow he agreeded with me!
Me BS
Him FWH
DDAay 20 July 2007
I have a Son 14, we have a Daughter 4
When life hands you lemons, get out the tequilla and the salt and call me!
s.squirrel ( member #14742) posted at 5:14 PM on Tuesday, July 31st, 2007
20/20 hindsight. What a great post.
Me BS 44
Him WS 45
sons :17, 16
daughter: 13
dday1: 6/1996..separated 1.5yr, then reconciled 1/1998
dday2: 5/7/2007
Separated at last!~10/31/2008
heading -->divorce
But he lost his job in April..so pending, pending, pending.
Puppyb ( member #15226) posted at 6:06 PM on Tuesday, July 31st, 2007
I waited THREE WEEKS after D-day while EX (at that time WH) tried to improve his relationship with OW in the meantime, so I divorced him after three weeks of D-day.
Now it is over two months of D-day, they are still going on however I dont see them get closer, which I don't care anyway. 
My current love:-
http://blufiles.storage.live.com/y1perkrFH89ZT1rQyAs5Flq04xyZr004AJTaJkH9NmW_JBi-sm0FpPlTXr8atJSXWLK
still confounded ( member #7826) posted at 4:43 PM on Saturday, August 4th, 2007
bump du jour -- for newbies
"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.
921Lisa ( member #7849) posted at 9:30 PM on Saturday, August 4th, 2007
I wish I'd packed his stuff and left it on the porch for him to pick up.
I wish I'd told him do not call, do not come by, do not contact me until your head is fully extracted from your ass and you are ready to behave like a MAN. Otherwise, all contact is between our LAWYERS.
I wish I'd not worked so hard on the R'ing, and spent more time on ME.
Behind every successful man is his woman.
Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman. (Mr Sim York Soo)
Reconciled
stillhurting28 ( new member #15342) posted at 10:09 PM on Saturday, August 4th, 2007
I wish I'd packed his stuff and left it on the porch for him to pick up.
I wish I'd told him do not call, do not come by, do not contact me until your head is fully extracted from your ass and you are ready to behave like a MAN. Otherwise, all contact is between our LAWYERS.
Oh how I wish I'd done that, too. Well, like the title says, hindsight is 20/20 . . .
What about outing the OP to their spouse, friends, co-workers, etc. Is this really a good idea?
921Lisa ( member #7849) posted at 9:02 AM on Sunday, August 5th, 2007
Oh, OW and outing her.
I skipped that step in real life. Sure wish I hadn't.
Yep, in 20/20 hindsight, I'd have outed her right after kicking him to the curb.
By the way, I was advised by SI members to do all mentioned above, but I wasn't strong enough to do it. I was really blindsided by the A, never saw it coming.
Behind every successful man is his woman.
Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman. (Mr Sim York Soo)
Reconciled
iamsoblind ( member #15248) posted at 1:27 PM on Sunday, August 5th, 2007
bump 
I keep having a wish bone where my back bone used to be ........ UPDATE my backbone is as firm as ever and I am back to being happy and being ME without the liar socialpath in my life it helps. Have a new home a new job and even a new man WOOOOOHOOOOO
healingtree ( member #15467) posted at 3:27 PM on Monday, August 6th, 2007
FBS 1st D-day 7-11-07, 2nd DDay Post-Breakup in 8-12, since then, setting my own course
HIM - Doesn't Matter Anymore
The only thing we can change about the past is how we look at it.
landabear ( member #15046) posted at 5:58 PM on Monday, August 6th, 2007
Oh, OW and outing her.
I regret two things about that time in my life, and this is one of them. She actually outed the A, and that bought her my silence at the time.
Looking back, I wish I had sent out a mass email to the Family Support group for the unit they were both in, that I had called her church back home and ratted her out, and called her aunt (who she lived with when not in Iraq) and ratted her out to Auntie, since Auntie is apparently the only *really* religious one of the bunch.
Ah well, I'm sure Karma will get OW eventually too. It's just not done with ex yet, it seems. 
The other thing I regret is not listing the handgun I wanted to keep as something I wanted from our property list. 
I really do miss that gun...
BS
Divorced: March 2006
Married to a wonderful, FAITHFUL man: October 2009
iamsoblind ( member #15248) posted at 12:46 AM on Tuesday, August 7th, 2007
bumping again becos this is GREAT
I keep having a wish bone where my back bone used to be ........ UPDATE my backbone is as firm as ever and I am back to being happy and being ME without the liar socialpath in my life it helps. Have a new home a new job and even a new man WOOOOOHOOOOO
still confounded ( member #7826) posted at 4:00 AM on Wednesday, August 8th, 2007
bump du jour
So much wisdom based on experience.
Newbies, take note!
"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.
Minniemouse ( member #14369) posted at 6:05 AM on Wednesday, August 8th, 2007
Katherine,
Thank you so much for your post! I have just separated from my WH recently and I just found your post so insightful. On occasion, I waver in my heart but I know I am making the right decision. It is when I start going down memory lane, I think I am grieving the love we had.
It may not be fun but it beats prolonging the agony.
BS Me
WH 45
SCUZZY Ow 28
DD 6
DD 4
DD 3
BS Me
the thing Mr. Rat
Married 21 years
False R and too many betrayals and lies to count
3 lovely girls 9, 7, and 6
Divorced
katherine41 (original poster member #5792) posted at 9:00 PM on Sunday, August 12th, 2007
Edward ( new member #15682) posted at 11:02 PM on Sunday, August 12th, 2007
This is kind of a dumb question and I know all situations are different but you seem to have a pretty good grasp on things. My WS has not talked to me since I found out about the A a month ago; this has been pretty much her choice. She just rented a house month to month
She has told some people she does not know what she wants yet; she has not said she wanted a D. although I think her actions are saying she does.
I think I want to R but I know it takes two
We should get to talk with a mediator or a councilor this week (long story) How long do you think I should wait to file if she is un-remorseful or unwilling to go to MC. Or what action do you think I should take?
Me (BS): 35
Her (WS): 33
Kids: 3
M: 11 yrs
d-day: 7-11-07
whataretheodds ( member #15278) posted at 4:10 PM on Tuesday, August 14th, 2007
Thank you for your post, Katherine. I've printed it so I can read it often.
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