Every time you post about him, I see more and more of my original WS. I waited a few days to see what else came up before I posted my story for you, but every single thing rings a bell with me so I'm just giving my own experience in case any of it rings true for you.
I found out about my WS when he forgot to erase his history. He was on dating sites. At first, he denied and lied. Then he minimized. "I don't know why I did it,
trying to use his bad memory as the excuse.
I don't remember, I never did that, I was bored, I was lonely, I was curious, blah blah blah." Over time, I found out more and more as I kept digging, because my gut kept telling me I didn't have the entire story.
Then I found him on sites where he could exchange nude pics of his genitals. He was doing that with another guy! And also with the women. And trying to hook up for swinging events.
His dating site ads/CL ads said things like "Wife is out of town, need some female company." "Single, good-looking, like sports, looking for someone to spend time with" He filled out the profiles, then lied and said he was only on there looking at the pics, but he had to fill out the profiles to see the pics (lie, lie, lie).
I finally found an email from CL to a hooker. I found it because for some reason, it didn't actually get sent. He lied again and said he never intended to send it. It was just for fun. Curiosity. He was from a small town and didn't know what the prostitution world was like (even though he was a cop, but of course, we all know they don't have prostitutes in small towns... 
)But his email to her said he needed some female company and if she called within the next 45 minutes, maybe they could negotiate a price.
He was a very busy boy. He was on so many sites I finally gave up trying to figure them out because at that point, it didn't matter to me anymore. I was done. Oh, and like you, we hadn't had sex in a year or more. Every time I would try to initiate, he would feel sick, his hernia would hurt, he would get angry and start a fight...whatever. One time he called me a nyphomaniac!!! We hadn't had sex in 8 months!
He did show interest one time when we were in a hot tub in the pool area of his complex, but when I suggested we go back to our room for the intimate part, he lost interest. Apparently, he was only interested if we could do it in public with a chance of getting caught.
I found out later, after we were totally separated, that he had been hooking up since I first got with him. He even traded my gun for a blow job (he was going to clean it since he was a retired cop, and make sure it was in good working order, but somehow he "lost" it.)
He let me do a lot of the work. He let me do heavy lifting in our business (we were selling furniture, I was helping move refrigerators and sofas, etc.) His hernia hurt. He would help a little and then be in pain and sit and watch me and hold his stomach.
It wasn't like that in the beginning. In the beginning, he was my KISA. He was wonderful. It was just a con for him to catch me. After a while, the true him came out. He would get depressed and upset if he couldn't get away for a while (now I realize he needed to feed his addiction).
Addictions he had: smoking, sex, risk-taking, working (that was mostly before he met me though)....
I am so glad I am not fooling with his chaos anymore, because life with him was chaotic. It would never have gotten better. Oh, and his family were all behind me also. Very upset at him for what he did to me. His mom told me a few weeks ago he is living with some other woman and her handicapped child and living off her disability and trying to squeeze money out of anyone that will let him. This other woman won't listen to my ex MIL. I think she turns a blind eye because she is in a vulnerable position. He goes after the vulnerable.
And the thing that made it really bad, is he knew what I had gone thru before he hooked up with me. I was divorcing a psychopath and was totally traumatized by the divorce and the courts when he met me. I was suffering from pretty bad PTSD. He smelled the vulnerability in me. And took full advantage of that.
Right now I am at work shaking.
Yeah, I did a lot of that in the beginning. I got violently ill at the thought of having to check more dating sites, his emails, or his phone. To this day, I still trigger when people run around playing on their iphones. I always think people use them for hooking up for sex. Oh, and one more thing, he had a secret phone. He had a phone he used with me and his friends and business, but he had bought a throw-away for his sex shit.
((((Gaby)))) I understand what you are going thru. Protect yourself.
ETA:
Oh yeah...and I found out last night that while WE haven't been sleeping together, he has enough energy to rub one out at least every other day (
Yeah, mine too. He was the masturbation king. While we were separated for business for a while, I stayed with him and found astroglide. It wasn't for me.
Oh, and even though I had caught him, to this day, he won't admit to anything IRL. I left because the trust was shattered. I left before I even found out about the actual hook-ups. I knew I could never trust him again.
[This message edited by NaiveAgain at 10:21 AM, July 15th (Tuesday)]
