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WHAT.THE.FUCK?????? OMG - I am so sorry Gaby!!!! (((Gaby))) that's all I've got...I am in serious shock right now.

WH#2 and I have been together 7 years total and married for 4yrs (as of last month).

We started spending time together after I kicked XWH out. That progressed to dating (3yrs total), then we married eventually.

Are you remember the person from the beginning of your relationship, during the infatuation stage (which isn't usually the 'real' person) or someone from later on when the infatuation stage ends and reality sets in?

The person in the beginning of the relationship was charming and steady. He was always, always just...steady. He never pushed to make the friendship more than what I was ready for at the time.

Everything else (XWH, the divorce, kids acting out etc) was chaos, but he was steady. That never really changed from the infatuation stage to the "we know each other well and now I can show you the ugly" stage.

The only thing that I can say was a major issue for me in the beginnign was how much he drank. He got it under control and it hasn't been an issue (other than when he lost his job and lost his mind for a few months). I know when he's drinking to excess. He hasn't been.

The anger and rage and numbness are your fight/flight/freeze response. Automatically there to protect you. Try eat something and get some self-care going. Easier said than done.

I'm trying...

[This message edited by GabyBaby at 1:01 PM, July 14th (Monday)]

Gaby, you've been in my thoughts all weekend. I'm just so sorry.

My wxh had issues with depression also. I don't wish that on anyone...or their spouse.

It definitely isn't a walk in the park.

I should bring up something else regarding my own rage. I mentioned earlier that I hit WH on Sat when all of this crap came out.

I also hit him again yesterday when we were talking about things.

I wish I could say I feel bad about it, but right now I don't feel anything.

I've promised that I will not hit him again. (I did however throw in that now he's getting a little taste of what one of his OWN "rages" look like. He's never hit ME, but in throwing things around, I've been hit by debri a few times).

It won't happen again.

We're both battered and bruised at this point. It isn't helping.

((HUGS))

Gaby I say this with love, as someone who has been guilty of hitting her husband before - you need to detach from him and get into IC immediately. I promised every time that I wouldn't ever do it again. That only "stuck" after I went to IC (to an IC who held me accountable!) and laid it all out on the table. And other than the folks on SI, NOBODY held me accountable for the hitting. Some of my friends even LAUGHED or said "good for you" when I told them. It's not ok. You need to talk to someone who will not excuse it.

He also needs to get help for his anger issues. Throwing things is absolutely not ok either.

I just hurt for you. I'm so sorry.

[This message edited by JanaGreen at 12:12 PM, July 14th (Monday)]

((((Gaby)))))

I don't know what to say, other than I'm so sorry. And I'm so angry on your behalf.

If you still can't eat, please try a protein shake or smoothie.

What a shit sandwich.

Oh Sweet Lord Gaby.......

He masturbated, took a red bow and tied it around his dick and took a picture of it and posted it on the internet.

THAT should tell you all you need to know.

k9

But he didn't meet anyone, so apparently its ok.

After all, (in his words) it was "only" flirting.

And yes...there are other pics, but that red bow is like waving a red cape at a bull for me. Sets me off quicker than anything...

Oddly enough, he seems less than enthusiastic at the idea of me trying out his brand of "flirting".

[This message edited by GabyBaby at 12:40 PM, July 14th (Monday)]

As a two time loser, I came to the conclusion the second was worse than the first. The first was when we were young, and dumb.

The second was after we talked repeatedly about how that was the one thing that would just about kill me.

Since I had been through it before, though, I knew it wouldn't.

Maybe he needs to move out for a bit until he is not triggering such rage in you. Having legal issues on top of all of this would be about the last thing you need. Not to mention the fact that this is just not right. I also echo what Jana says, getting into IC would be a really good idea right now.

I am the quiet one, but I have to wish I was close enough to bring you a casserole, a hug and start your laundry for you. You have helped so many people, and the only way I can help is with a kind word and know we are listening with love and sorrow.

It sucks to have to be strong...

So while you are waiting for the numbness to lift what are you doing for yourself?

Have you made an apt to see your Dr?

Have you made an apt to see a lawyer?

Have you quit financially supporting him?

You know what we always say here. Nothing changes when you change nothing. So make some changes, and see what happens. When you call to make your STD apt, let them know that you aren't sleeping. No shame in a little pharmaceutical support in the crisis stage of this mess.

((((and strength))))

The only thing that I can say was a major issue for me in the beginning was how much he drank. He got it under control and it hasn't been an issue (other than when he lost his job and lost his mind for a few months). I know when he's drinking. He hasn't been.

Sounds like my exwh Gaby. I thought my ex had his drinking under "control". What I realized after my divorce, is that all my ex did was switch from alcohol to porn/cheating, gambling, drugs, etc...Since he didn't truly deal with his addiction, he just switched from one kind to another.

@Jana and Tired Girl - IC isn't an option due to financial strain. I am simply going to try to stay out of striking range. It'll help, too, that my son is home tonight. That kind of rage is not something I've ever subjected my kids to and I don't see it starting now.

So while you are waiting for the numbness to lift what are you doing for yourself?

Have you made an apt to see your Dr?

Have you made an apt to see a lawyer?

Have you quit financially supporting him?

You know what we always say here. Nothing changes when you change nothing. So make some changes, and see what happens. When you call to make your STD apt, let them know that you aren't sleeping.

Doc appt - I called and have an appointment later this week.

Lawyer appt - I need to get my own thoughts together, but having gone through D once before here in CA, I know a lot of what I can expect and what my rights are.

Financial support - I've pulled back on everything that I can without hurting myself and my kids in the process (i.e. I can't not pay the mortgage, electric bill, etc. or WE'LL be on the street too).

Sounds like my exwh Gaby. I thought my ex had his drinking under "control". What I realized after my divorce, is that all my ex did was switch from alcohol to porn/cheating, gambling, drugs, etc...Since he didn't truly deal with his addiction, he just switched from one kind to another.

LH that's a very interesting point and I can definitely see some of those same replacements here as well (video gaming and now the CL ads).

That's definitely something for WH to look at and work through.

I havent answered everyone individually, but I'm reading everything and I appreciate every single post.

(((Gaby)))

I have no words. You've been through so much. Please take care of yourself.

Fucking hell, Gaby.

As you know, this was me and XSO years ago (minus the bow and marriage). It's a special kind of insult when you're fully supporting a man and he's cruising the Internet for sex when you're at work. I know that all too well.

Do what's best for YOU. Singular. Not plural.

I'm here if you need me.

(((((Gaby)))))

Gaby I say this with love, as someone who has been guilty of hitting her husband before - you need to detach from him and get into IC immediately.

I agree with the detach. You got a few good licks in, but you could go to jail if it continues.

I'm so sorry. I too got so much from your posts and was so happy that your new hubby was a Rockstar. Grrr, I have rage issues too, it would be all too easy for me to regress 20 years and slap your WS too if I saw him right now.

But, it's just not worth it.

Please get meal replacement shakes if you still can't eat. It will put something inside of you.

I'm so sorry honey, your post just broke my heart.

(((GabyBaby)))