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she would need KY ultraglide personal lubricant to help insert a Monistat applicator

Technically yes...maybe, as I am a women of a certain age BUT likely NO. I would never but those two things together in the same thought/need process.

She's lying.

I'm remaining calm and trying to compartmentalize because this has really dominated my life and thoughts in the last month. I need to focus on work. We are still in the same house -- she refuses to leave -- so trying to avoid triggers, which means avoiding her. We will tell the kids this weekend.

You would be wise to tell them the truth. I'd name OM and show them his pic as well.

This will also let her know you aren't affraid to stand up for yourself.

A friend of mine stood up with his wayward wife told the kids they were divorcing and she promptly introduced her other man that weekend. He was furious. He was warned but did it anyway. Must to his regret.

Don't lie and let them get blindsided.

[This message edited by Marz at 6:12 PM, January 4th (Friday)]

My therapist has the same concerns about a false claim to get a restraining order.

You wouldn't be the first to get hit with one. That's why you carry a VAR!!!!!!

Ok, this will be a little TMI, but it's relevant to the Monistat applicator question. Is it possible that she might need lubricant to insert the applicator? It's possible.

HOWEVER, once you put that stuff in, it will leak out of you, especially if you are upright/moving around or even sitting. This is why it is always recommended to put it in before you go to bed. It would make absolutely no sense to put it in before you went out on a girls' night. Your underwear would be covered in Monistat goop, and it would feel like you were on your period.

Just saying...

BS ONLY

[This message edited by SI Staff at 3:26 PM, February 8th (Friday)]

Aucky, without getting too graphic, some Monistat packages come with a tube of Monistat as well as the thing you insert. A little dab will do you.

I want to second Marz excellent advice. Don’t soft peddle for the kids. In an age appropriate manner they deserve the truth and the OM’s name and pic. I lived thru this scenario as a kid and Inalways appreciated Inwas told the truth.

[This message edited by fareast at 9:00 PM, January 4th (Friday)]

Please consider having a VAR on you at all times when you are around her.

My dr. Actually went to jail because his wife pulled that stunt on him.

He never saw it coming.

[This message edited by Wool94 at 7:20 PM, January 4th (Friday)]

You’re doing really well under trying circumstances. As others have posted there isn’t a greater reality smack in the mouth for the luuuuuuurv birds when the other betrayed spouse finds out. It’s amazing what happens to “luuuuuuuurv birds” relationship and how they turn on each other to save their marriage. Perhaps your wife doesn’t want to save her marriage but I can almost assure you if the OM hasn’t left his wife for yours at this stage, he doesn’t want to leave his spouse. Your wife will get a rude awakening. When you expose it to the other BS you will feel the world has come off your shoulders. No one should get away with infidelity. No one.

[This message edited by Mene at 7:26 PM, January 4th (Friday)]

She was obviously working a plan to screw you over.....which your discovery and busting her has blown up.

I would bet dollars to donuts however that the plan was not hers but rather she has been (and is being) coached by POSOM.

Want to really get her into panic mode?

Blow up her coach....

Out this turd to his BW immediately!

When this scumbag sees that their little plan to quietly D their spouses with the A a secret is over.....and HE is looking at losing an at-fault D proceeding with his BW, the chances are very high that POSOM will throw your WW under the bus to save his own ass.

Goodbye coach!!!!

Goodbye support!!!!

Goodbye safe landing place in Fantasyland!!!!

Your WW will find herself facing a pissed off BH with a shark lawyer, angry kids and family, and disgusted friends (at least some of them) ALL ON HER OWN.

That is when reality and panic will truly set in.

Blow up OM and send him scurrying like the cockroach he is.....

Then sit back and watch your WW lose her shit.

Make sure you tell the kids in a sanitized way, like: "the reason why were going to D is because mom has a boyfriend and his name is POSOM". Don't let her introduce OM to your kids and family as someone she just met after the D.

Now that the cat is out of the bag and you’re going for a divorce, I suggest to orient future decisions based on what is best for your children.

Sadly, you will need to train your mind to the fact that she is your STBXW and it doesn’t matter who she dates and what cream she puts on her body.

Her chances of a happy life with the OM is very very low. Like BluesPower says, she could get dumped in a hurry or even if they get together, it won’t last once the unicorns and rainbows dissipate.

And you’ll see it happening almost real time because of some sort of shared custody arrangement.

And your job will be to provide a calm stable environment to your children while their mother self destructs.

I wish you strength, you will get through this.

Someone asked how did she know I have a PI?

I haven't admitted I have one. I haven't acknowledged the question.

My belief is her new lawyer advised her there were PIs out there.

In our state, only PIs can legally put a tracking device on a vehicle. And since I haven't done anything illegal, I'm sure it was an educated guess.

Of course they want to subpoena stuff. But the only things they might subpoena are already protected by attorney-client privilege. And they don't know the identity of the PI, nor will they. I have shielded all of the billing information and I was never provided an invoice.

You're doing very well, Aucky. Far better than I did. Hold the course.

Perhaps contact KY and thank them for helping you uncover the monster lurking inside your spouse’s body?

Hang in there, you’ve got this and you’re doing great!

Hug your babies for me

If you expose to the other betrayed spouse now you may be able to get more affair info for your adultery case.

The other side has already been alerted so it can't hurt you at this time.

I done see where you have anything to lose but maybe able to get more of an advantage.

We will tell the kids this weekend.

You need to be very, very careful here. This is going to be a major trauma for your kids. It is going to be a time when they are extremely vulnerable and susceptible to things that will impact their future and their future relationships. Your wife is in no position to be a positive model for them, so you are now the one who is going to have to try and protect them. While your WW will always be their mother, be cautious about what you agree to with her and about what is communicated to your kids through both actions and words.

Given your wife's attitudes and actions, she is self-focused and, therefore, she isn't going to be willing to be truthful with the kids. That's manipulative and disrespectful. I think that the best you can hope for out of a joint statement is "we love you and this isn't your fault." That is very important for your kids to understand. You just need to recognize that this isn't enough and if you agree to keeping it at that, you are now an accomplice in manipulating the kids and playing her game of trying to position herself for money (e.g. alimony and child support).

Your kids need to learn and see some other key things. They need to understand and see that marriage is a commitment, that it is never alright to be pursuing someone outside of that and that it is not OK to accept being treated with a lack of love and respect (especially within marriage). That will need to be a discussion that is handled in an age appropriate way. Given that your wife will refuse to support any of those messages and will likely actively oppose them verbally and through her actions, those won't come out during a joint discussion.

What you will need to decide is whether you are going to have two separate discussions or if you are going to scrap the joint conversation and try to handle it all yourself. I think that either could work, but it all comes down to the risk involved with having the joint conversation. If the chances are high that your WW will try to lie to your kids or will try to mandate that you must not divulge anything beyond the joint discussion, then I believe that it is better that you defend your integrity and ability to model real love and truth for your kids and decline to play a role in the storyline your wife would like to try and propagate.

Yes, WW is refusing my request that she tell the kids she fell in love with another man and has been lying to me and the family about it for three months.

And she's accused me of "signaling" to them that something is wrong and trying to destroy her relationship with them. And said she would report this request to her attorney.

My response is better to get it all out now because her relationship with them will really be damaged if they learn about it in the future. And so will mine.

The only good news is all conversations/arguments are now via text so there are written records.

Don't lie to your kid for her sake

Her mess her fuck up her problem

So many people here regret not telling the truth because it screwd up thier relashionship with the kids and allowed the WSs to manipulate the story

You don't need your wife's permission, cooperation or whatever to tell your children the simple truth, with or without her.

It is is pointless to negotiate this with wayward spouses. Just do it. Tell then on your own, quickly. Don't think she won't beat you to the punch telling the children a pack of lies, that you are the one being paranoid, making up accusations, etc. Don't make the mistake of putting it past her. She is not your friend anymore...

As for her insinuations that you are poisoning her relationship with them: If anyone is poisoning the relationship with the children it is her with her continuous lying. The children are not stupid, they know by HER BEHAVIOR what is going on. Tell her exactly that.

You are under zero obligation, zero, to cover for her lies. Tell her go ahead and 'report' to her attorney that you will not lie to your own kids. The attorney could care less.

[This message edited by BrooklynGuy at 3:36 PM, January 5th (Saturday)]