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verysceptical ( member #15269) posted at 7:25 PM on Tuesday, August 14th, 2007
This is great! It definetely gets you thinking . . . I know there is no manual on breakups but this is as good as one. Thanks for this Katherine.
fourtimesacharm ( member #14585) posted at 7:27 PM on Tuesday, August 14th, 2007
I'll say it again .....
One of the best posts ever!!!!
Updated status: divorcing after reconciliation for 1.5 years.
BS:31 WS :33 last d-day 03-26-07
Seperated 4/6/07
Trying to move on
still confounded ( member #7826) posted at 9:02 PM on Tuesday, August 14th, 2007
Edward, Have you made the 180 move yet?
She sounds pretty gone, but only you really have a clue.
I gave myself three months, just because I wanted to give the WS every opp to pull his head out of his ass, have a chance to de-fog. But, as someone wise once wrote on one of these forums, it is actually pretty damned clear within weeks, not months.
And in any event, the 180 helps the BS, period, no matter what transpires after D-day, R or no R.
Sorry for the hell you're in; but you at least know you are most definitely not alone. There are literally thousands of us with you.
(((hugs)))
"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.
still confounded ( member #7826) posted at 4:19 PM on Wednesday, August 22nd, 2007
"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.
still confounded ( member #7826) posted at 5:29 PM on Sunday, August 26th, 2007
Bump encore, for newbies...
(It is SUCH wisdom based on experience!)
"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.
so_hurting ( new member #15781) posted at 8:11 PM on Sunday, August 26th, 2007
Just wanted to add my "thank you."
I wish I'd known about the 180 when I found out about A. I don't think it would have made a difference in his attitude, but perhaps it would have made things easier on me.
father of 4 ( member #5866) posted at 12:16 AM on Friday, August 31st, 2007
bumping... because it is worth bumping this one from time to time so that new members can have the opportunity to read it! 
"It is better to suffer wrong than to do it, and happier to be sometimes cheated than not to trust." -Samuel Johnson
ShatteredGlass ( new member #15977) posted at 2:19 AM on Friday, August 31st, 2007
It helps to hear how those before us handled or wished they had handled this awful situation.
Thanks for bumping so that "us" newbies can view...
ME (BS) 43
HIM (WS) 47
Married 23 years
DDay 7/07 (19 month PA with co worker, who knows when EA started)
In R....
tlsmi ( member #6558) posted at 2:30 AM on Friday, August 31st, 2007
Great post Katherine.
If you have a non-remorseful WS:
180 all over them.
Read it again and again.
Hold your head up high, you did nothing wrong.
Even if you DID, there were a million other options to them other than cheating-counseling, divorce, etc.
You did not deserve this.
Educate yourself.
Protect yourself in every way.
Do not beg or plead.
For a remorseful FWS:
Time, patience, love
and understanding. They have to look at themselves everyday and are in their own pain.
Pain is pain.
Get through it together.
First, do no harm.
treading water ( member #9139) posted at 2:35 AM on Friday, August 31st, 2007
I request that this original post be added to the healing library- it is so insightful- and could save a world of hurt for someone struggling with the choices before them.
Any seconds??
tw
"Won't be fooled again"
Onward and Upward!!!
Life IS Good!!
marchhare ( member #12130) posted at 2:36 AM on Friday, August 31st, 2007
Very nice work.
Saved to my hard drive.
I am coming up on 2 years and while things have returned to normal. I'm not allowed to talk about what happened. Makes her feel guilty.
Good luck.
MH
Me - 39 BS
Her - 39 WS
D-Day 9/06/06, 4 month EA/PA
Married 20 years
Attempting to reconcile
"Growing up ain't for sissys" -- Vern Nerden
AnnieOakley ( member #13332) posted at 3:59 PM on Saturday, September 1st, 2007
Me= BSHim=xWH (did the work & became the man I always thought he was, but it was too late)M=23+,T=27+dday=7/06, 8/09 (pics at a work function), 11/09 VAR, 6/12 Sep'd, 10/14 Divorced."If you are going through hell, keep going."
porcupine ( member #7543) posted at 7:06 AM on Sunday, September 2nd, 2007
great post, Katherine
The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.
still confounded ( member #7826) posted at 11:18 PM on Monday, September 3rd, 2007
bumping for a friend who just told me of her recent D-day (I gave her the SI web address and told her to join us -- the club no one wants to join but everyone is grateful to have as a refuge and healing source!)
"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.
baby_socks ( member #10336) posted at 7:41 AM on Tuesday, September 4th, 2007
I second everything you said.
I did file a month out, but held out hope for a lot longer.
If I waited longer, he might have come around. But only as a last resort... when he learned that life with OW was no picnic either.
I'm not your princess
This ain't a fairytale
I'm gonna find someone, Some day
Who might actually treat me well.
s.squirrel ( member #14742) posted at 5:12 PM on Wednesday, September 5th, 2007
>>bump<<
Back up to the top!
Me BS 44
Him WS 45
sons :17, 16
daughter: 13
dday1: 6/1996..separated 1.5yr, then reconciled 1/1998
dday2: 5/7/2007
Separated at last!~10/31/2008
heading -->divorce
But he lost his job in April..so pending, pending, pending.
katherine41 (original poster member #5792) posted at 3:51 AM on Tuesday, September 11th, 2007
crystaldawn ( member #16145) posted at 10:00 PM on Tuesday, September 11th, 2007
Bumping for myself 
D-day: Labor Day, September 3rd, 2007
tooexhausted ( member #15232) posted at 4:18 AM on Wednesday, September 12th, 2007
Bumpity bump bump for the newbies.
naivegirl ( member #14234) posted at 4:43 AM on Wednesday, September 12th, 2007
Great post. In my case I filed quite quickly after 2nd D-day. I sort of wish I hadn't done it that fast and followed more of your timeline. Outing the affair to everyone and telling them things about her like she knew he was married was something I'll never regret. It made it difficult for them to just ride off into the sunset. She was exposed to his family and friends as the person she was and they would never have welcomed her into his life. I made sure of that. We are trying to reconcile now. The 180 really helped me.
Me BS 39
Him WH 38
D-day #1 Jan 31 2007
D-Day #2 March 25 2007
Roll on Roll on Roller Coaster
We're one day older and one step closer
Roll on there's mountains to climb
Roll on we're on borrowed time
-Kid Rock
Working on Re
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