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mandie ( member #16552) posted at 1:42 AM on Sunday, December 23rd, 2007
me too, me too, I wish I had done all of it.
I call my stupid WH to cry to him because he needs to be INCONVENIENCED by his behavior and how it is affecting me, the mother of his child. I don't give a shit.
When I did this, a few times only, he has threatened to file a stalking order against me....can you believe it? 18 years as his best friend, thinks he can pull the rug out from under us, I tell him I still love him and never wanted it to end, and he threatens to file a stalking order......I should have stayed NC after the 4 mos of NC....
For newbies, please take heed of K's advice. It is soooo true...
still confounded ( member #7826) posted at 1:55 AM on Wednesday, December 26th, 2007
Bumping on request!
"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.
sadcat ( member #8637) posted at 3:25 AM on Wednesday, December 26th, 2007
Very insightful. Looking back I may have doen some things differently. But c'est la vie!
Never let your fear decide your fate.....AWOLNATION
If this isn't what I consider soulmate crap, I don't know what is.
jjct ( member #17484) posted at 3:29 AM on Wednesday, December 26th, 2007
StungAgain ( member #13283) posted at 3:39 PM on Monday, December 31st, 2007
Wow very powerful!! I am going to and re-read when I get home from work!
GOOD FRIENDS ARE LIKE STARS...
YOU DON'T ALWAYS SEE THEM,
BUT YOU KNOW THEY ARE ALWAYS THERE.'
squiffle ( member #13015) posted at 10:25 PM on Monday, December 31st, 2007
Whoever revived this post -- well done. Katherine41 -- excellent advice! It belongs in the library.
Frederick Douglass, the great Abolitionist said about his slavery "I prayed for 20 years and received no answer from God, until I prayed with my legs."
Moved on. Moved away. Happily married to a good man. Life gets better after this shit.
k9lover1 ( member #8531) posted at 6:38 PM on Friday, January 4th, 2008
D-Day was 10/9/05
He promised NC. He lied. After 4 chances, I kicked him out 1/05/06.
Since then I have survived cancer surgery and a heart attack.
Now he's sorry, but it's too late. He died an alcoholic on 9/5/17.
supporter ( member #17110) posted at 3:32 AM on Monday, January 7th, 2008
LisaP ( member #15088) posted at 9:33 PM on Wednesday, January 9th, 2008
Me BS
Divorced!
~Feel your emotions, but control your behavior~ Unknown
opera ( member #17218) posted at 7:30 PM on Sunday, January 13th, 2008
bump....
(how many bumps before somebody actually includes this in the healing library...??) 
dove ( member #15382) posted at 10:46 PM on Sunday, January 13th, 2008
still confounded ( member #7826) posted at 2:55 AM on Friday, January 18th, 2008
"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.
Ibelieveinme ( member #11363) posted at 3:42 AM on Sunday, January 27th, 2008
BUMP 
LisaP ( member #15088) posted at 4:28 AM on Thursday, January 31st, 2008
buuuuuump!
Me BS
Divorced!
~Feel your emotions, but control your behavior~ Unknown
katherine41 (original poster member #5792) posted at 8:14 PM on Saturday, February 2nd, 2008
ToddC ( member #9314) posted at 8:24 PM on Saturday, February 2nd, 2008
I hope that all newbies will read and heed this thread. K41 learned from experience and has written an extremely helpful guide. It is the whole point of being at SI in the first place: to learn from the experience of others.
jerseyboy ( member #16021) posted at 9:07 PM on Saturday, February 2nd, 2008
K.. thanks
there is a book out called "how to have an affair and never get caught"..i think it is only fair that you have outlined how to deal with the "betrayers" and how to catch them..perhaps level the "playing" field..
as a BS..thanks
jb
[This message edited by jerseyboy at 3:08 PM, February 2nd (Saturday)]
Do GOOD..... Avoid evil;
imagine BLISS
every day ask yourself
"WHAT MAKES ME HAPPY"
get more of it
2trusting101 ( member #16353) posted at 8:03 PM on Sunday, February 3rd, 2008
Excellent post, I want to keep this. I see so many sucessful Rs on SI but my experience has not been the same.
For me, as K41 said, there was no consistent remorse, he never followed through with NC, he continued to lie to me and deny things throughout it all. He would flip flop from seeming truly remorseful to being very angry at me (probably guilt). He demanded proof when I told him I know he was lying. I gave him some of the proof just to watch him lie more. It was crazy!
Are there any threads on SI about this type of relationship? I would truly like to learn more and not feel I'm the only one who did not find themself in R.
Me (BS):46
Him(x-fiance):47
DDay #1: 08/11/2007
SadRabbit ( member #17919) posted at 10:26 PM on Sunday, February 3rd, 2008
I wish I'd told the OW's BF (betrayed fiance). Apparently, the day after I caught her and my WS making out, she asked him in a panic whether I was going to tell her BF and whether it would help to call and "apologize" to me. She wavered for a long time about whether to leave her BF for my WS. I guess she probably did, finally, but she kept getting cold feet at first. (I suspect she wasn't actually expecting my WS to leave me for her, but wanted to have him on the side instead.) So perhaps I could've interrupted things between her and my WS by telling her BF sooner.
Me: BS, female, 33 when it happened, 44 now
My WS: male, same age
D-Day: 10/17/07
Married: Ten years as of 3/17/08
Current status: Separated since 11/7/07, divorced on 3/28/08
momofone ( member #17374) posted at 5:05 PM on Monday, February 4th, 2008
2trusting101 - I'm in the same situation as you. WS continues to lie to me about contact with OP. He's told me I don't know how many times that he's telling her it's over and working on rebuilding our marriage, yet, I continue to find evidence of the affair ongoing. It's like he's leading 2 separate lives...one with me and our son and one with her. She also happens to be married too....but her husband is alot more trusting than I am....and he believes her....plus, he works odd shift hours so he doesn't have insight into the same things that I do.
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