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lordhasaplan? (original poster member #30079) posted at 2:43 PM on Thursday, June 14th, 2012
BS- Me (45)D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10). Currently in R.Don't carry others crap. It's your job to fix yourself, not your spouse.
lordhasaplan? (original poster member #30079) posted at 4:07 PM on Tuesday, June 19th, 2012
BS- Me (45)D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10). Currently in R.Don't carry others crap. It's your job to fix yourself, not your spouse.
lovinggrace ( member #12267) posted at 5:15 PM on Tuesday, June 19th, 2012
Detachment is so important, but, like a previous poster said, its very easy to slip back into investment when the other partner shows the slightest improvement.
LG 
BS~45 FWH~44(oneluv)
Dday~12/03 R~10/04 False R...D-day 8/23/2011
I'm putting on the full armor of God! (Eph 6:11)
tryingagain74 ( member #33698) posted at 5:24 PM on Tuesday, June 19th, 2012
This is excellent. I'd like to share it with my Divorce Care classmates if that's okay with you. I think that these points apply whether infidelity has rocked your M or some other issue.
FBS; now happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley
takingtime ( member #35661) posted at 6:31 PM on Tuesday, June 19th, 2012
This really hit home. I must remember all of this each time i feel myself slipping. Too many times i have given in when my WS shows the slightest bit of remourse only to be hurt yet again when he can't decide.
lordhasaplan? (original poster member #30079) posted at 7:44 PM on Tuesday, June 19th, 2012
Trying again, feel free to take to group. I hope it helps
BS- Me (45)D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10). Currently in R.Don't carry others crap. It's your job to fix yourself, not your spouse.
lordhasaplan? (original poster member #30079) posted at 7:40 PM on Thursday, June 28th, 2012
BS- Me (45)D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10). Currently in R.Don't carry others crap. It's your job to fix yourself, not your spouse.
rainbow123 ( member #12329) posted at 10:17 PM on Thursday, June 28th, 2012
This is really positive.
A new hobby with new friends who are not part of the past (as well as those who are) and safe places (my bed with books, radio and so on being one) really help me.
I like to know there are things I can rely on that nobody can take away from me. Like my bed. My cat. When he dies there will be another cat. That's in my control. And so on.
I don't need him any more. I have rebuilt my world without him in it and it's good, it's solid an it's mine.
Was still a bit of a bummer when he 'accidentally' sent a text clearly meant for a woman to me the other night but even so!
BS,50, WH 49. Dday number one 01 July 06, followed by dozens more. No remorse. Divorced 08.
Badly scarred but doing OK. Possibly better than he is.
"It will be alright in the end. And if it's not alright, it's not the end."
lordhasaplan? (original poster member #30079) posted at 1:43 PM on Wednesday, July 4th, 2012
BS- Me (45)D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10). Currently in R.Don't carry others crap. It's your job to fix yourself, not your spouse.
Ostrich80 ( member #34827) posted at 8:46 AM on Thursday, July 5th, 2012
My jaw just hit the floor...this post is screaming at me. I tried to do more for ws....never enough. I have a lot of guilt over covering for my addict son...that ones a doozy. I couldn't confide in ws cuz he would say horrible things to ds so I lied and covered for him, financially. That is one of my biggest guilts. This is so helpful. Thank you
[This message edited by Ostrich80 at 2:54 AM, July 5th (Thursday)]
BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????
lordhasaplan? (original poster member #30079) posted at 11:42 PM on Monday, July 16th, 2012
BS- Me (45)D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10). Currently in R.Don't carry others crap. It's your job to fix yourself, not your spouse.
lordhasaplan? (original poster member #30079) posted at 11:45 PM on Monday, July 16th, 2012
BS- Me (45)D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10). Currently in R.Don't carry others crap. It's your job to fix yourself, not your spouse.
Giordano101 ( new member #36264) posted at 7:53 PM on Thursday, July 26th, 2012
Dear Lordhasaplan?,
I'm a BS and just wanted to say "Thank You, Thank You" for this truly amazing post. Number 2 and Number 5 have been eyeopener.
Thanks!!!!!!!
lordhasaplan? (original poster member #30079) posted at 7:48 PM on Thursday, August 2nd, 2012
Wow we need a bump of detachment!
BS- Me (45)D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10). Currently in R.Don't carry others crap. It's your job to fix yourself, not your spouse.
lordhasaplan? (original poster member #30079) posted at 4:28 PM on Saturday, August 11th, 2012
BS- Me (45)D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10). Currently in R.Don't carry others crap. It's your job to fix yourself, not your spouse.
justjul ( member #36383) posted at 11:08 PM on Saturday, August 11th, 2012
Detachment is so important, but, like a previous poster said, its very easy to slip back into investment when the other partner shows the slightest improvement
This really said it all for me, too.
....I think when this happens, we have to remember to forgive ourselves(that's part of loving ourselves, right?), dig deep for our strength.... It's there, even if it doesn't feel like it---God knows it doesn't feel like it now for me-- and try to detach again. I think.
DDay: 6 August 2012
Me: BS (30s)
Him: WH (30s)
Together 2001; Married 2009
No children
Saragirl ( member #36417) posted at 5:11 AM on Sunday, August 12th, 2012
Thank you for sharing this, I want to let go but so scared for all the reasons that were said.
But I need to learn how to let go, I am working one step at a time
GreenMom ( member #36385) posted at 8:42 PM on Thursday, August 16th, 2012
Someone just linked me to this post and I wanted to say thank you for sharing it.
DD#1 6/14/12
DD#2 7/29/12
Reconcilation attempt didn't last long...WH moved out 8/10/12
Divorcing... hoping to be done soon
Making a fantastic NB for myself and my family!
petite71 ( member #36475) posted at 10:07 PM on Thursday, August 16th, 2012
Thanks for sharing this information!!! 
1st DD 03/24/2012 2nd DD 07/13/2012 TT A. in 2002 same girl when we were dating.
Status:Getting Stronger...we can get through this & are healing together
BS(me):41
WS(Husband):40
LTA 10 yrs EA/PA 9 times. friends with benefits.
Us..Together 12 yr
lordhasaplan? (original poster member #30079) posted at 10:31 PM on Thursday, August 16th, 2012
Your welcome! Hope it helps.
BS- Me (45)D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10). Currently in R.Don't carry others crap. It's your job to fix yourself, not your spouse.
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