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newbeg2011 ( member #31892) posted at 11:17 AM on Wednesday, November 14th, 2012
Lost
Please know that 0115 and I are praying for you and Dtom.
Never forget what I have done to BS but don't let guilt make me quit. STAY IN THE FIGHT ! ! !
WS 47 me
BS 47 her
5 Great Children
DD 1/15/11
Holly-Isis ( member #13447) posted at 11:34 AM on Wednesday, November 14th, 2012
Lost, I understand feeling guilty.
But would you feel guilty if the night had unfolded exactly the same way you described, except instead of the drugs he went out and screwed an OW?
Would it be your fault then? Would there be cause for you to be guilty for his behavior?
It would be his choice. Just like this was his choice.
((((Lost)))) I hope he recovers.
"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*
authenticnow ( member #16024) posted at 11:51 AM on Wednesday, November 14th, 2012
(((Lost and Dtom)))
Sending healing thoughts your way.
DS, you are forever in my heart. Thank you for sharing your beautiful spirit with me. I will always try to live by the example you have set. I love you and miss you every day and am sorry you had to go so soon, it just doesn't seem fair.
JanaGreen ( member #29341) posted at 11:57 AM on Wednesday, November 14th, 2012
I am so sorry Lost. Thoughts & prayers with both of you. 
brokensmile322 ( member #35758) posted at 11:57 AM on Wednesday, November 14th, 2012
((Lost))
This is not your fault. We all have our own free will.
Sending prayers and healing thoughts your way. Keep us posted.
Me BS 42 Him WS 44
OW Coworker DDay April 7, 2012
EA on a slippery slope...
When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor Frankl
"When you are happy, you can forgive a great deal."
SisterMilkshake ( member #30024) posted at 12:40 PM on Wednesday, November 14th, 2012
((((Lost333)))) ((((DTOM))))
Sending thoughts and prayers for healing in every way possible for you both.
BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson
jo2love ( member #31528) posted at 1:07 PM on Wednesday, November 14th, 2012
(((Lost and Dtom)))
Sending strength and hope for a full recovery.
mangledmom ( member #31622) posted at 1:10 PM on Wednesday, November 14th, 2012
(((hugs))) to you both. Prayers going out that this is his rock bottom because if it isn't, I'm terrified for him to know what will be. Take care of you right now, be gentle, and breath.
You have to know none of this is your fault. Someone this self destructive has probably always been, he was just being held over. My guess is that had you never cheated, he would have eventually ended up here. As horrific and miserable as WH choices made me feel, the truth was was that I already felt that way long before he cheated. I hated my life, i hated myself, i was becoming so negative, i was fat and lazy, i was extremely laid back w/the kids to the point I was probably heading for a lifetime enabler award. I felt trapped, dead, lost, alone, but I stayed there and,told myself i had a great husband and M, and I had a partner for life. Wow the illusions we will believe so we can avoid reality. Since then, I've lost 70lbs, I'm back in school, I'm working, I'm building friendships, I'm me again, I'm free, I'm confident, and my kids will be better people because I get it now. My IC said sadly this jad to happen (this or something else major) to get me unstuck. The affairs were just mh catalyst. I chose to grow, you chose to grow, DTOM chooses to self destruct. That's noy on you.
BS-30
Traumatized, but I'm headed forward towards the light.
I wish you enough ....
mangledmom ( member #31622) posted at 1:11 PM on Wednesday, November 14th, 2012
Double post
[This message edited by mangledmom at 8:52 AM, November 14th (Wednesday)]
BS-30
Traumatized, but I'm headed forward towards the light.
I wish you enough ....
NothngElseMattrs ( member #35917) posted at 1:27 PM on Wednesday, November 14th, 2012
Omg Lost... I'm so so sorry.... This is so horrible. I'm holding my kitties and sending good thoughts to you and DTOM. I hope he wakes up and is ok soon. This is *not* your fault and we are here for you. You are not alone! I hope you were able to get some rest.
"Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?"
notthesum ( member #16172) posted at 1:29 PM on Wednesday, November 14th, 2012
Sending healing thoughts your way today, Lost.
This is not your fault.
He made his choices.
One foot in front of the other, that's your goal for the day.
Time heals nothing. It's what you do with that time that heals..or doesn't.
I'm not almost 40. I'm $19.99 plus shipping and handling. And insurance.
Sometimes, the person you would take a bullet for is the one holding the gun.
Aubrie ( member #33886) posted at 2:05 PM on Wednesday, November 14th, 2012
Sending prayers and hugs to you Lost. Let us know if you need anything.
(((((Lost & DTOM)))))
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne
KeepCalm_CarryOn ( member #33374) posted at 2:06 PM on Wednesday, November 14th, 2012
((((Lost)))) ((((DTOM))))
You are not dealing with rational people or situations. Normal thought processes won't work...story of my life.
Me- BW, 30
Him- fWh, 36
Mostly R'd, minus a few scars...bought a house and got a puppy...And baby makes 3! She arrived August 2013
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 2:15 PM on Wednesday, November 14th, 2012
Sending you strength and comfort, Lost. I'll be holding DTOM in my thoughts.
((((((Lost))))))
((((((DTOM))))))
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
veritas ( member #3525) posted at 2:17 PM on Wednesday, November 14th, 2012
(((Lost & DTOM)))Praying for a speedy recovery for both of you. And it's not your fault; you can't fix what's broken in him.
Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.
heartache101 ( member #26465) posted at 2:22 PM on Wednesday, November 14th, 2012
There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing
wildbananas ( member #10552) posted at 2:27 PM on Wednesday, November 14th, 2012
(((((Lost and DTOM)))))
Honey, it isn't your fault. It truly isn't.
Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan
UnexpectedSong ( member #21761) posted at 2:41 PM on Wednesday, November 14th, 2012
Sending strength to you and DTOM.
WW(SA)
"Feedback is the breakfast of champions." - Boris Becker
why2008 ( member #18378) posted at 2:47 PM on Wednesday, November 14th, 2012
You called you checked on him, he lied about what he had taken.
Other than the extraordinary feat of you being about to read his mind and know he was lying to you I don't know what else you could have done.
Like another poster stated... this is not your fault.
Prayers that he pulls out of this...
Me - BS - 46
Him - WS - 44
Two daughters / 10 and 7
LosferWords ( member #30369) posted at 2:47 PM on Wednesday, November 14th, 2012
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