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Dyinghere ( member #41313) posted at 2:41 AM on Saturday, November 23rd, 2013
I need to read this several times.
LifeIsBroken ( member #27071) posted at 2:55 AM on Saturday, November 23rd, 2013
I wish I had found SI on D-Day instead of 6 months later.
I wish I had could have read nomadlady's research paper on D-Day instead of several years later.
Both would have saved a lot of grief. I didn't do everything wrong; I did some things very right. But this site and articles like this would have made the path more clear. It's just plain hard to think straight when you're hit with a cheating spouse after 35 yrs of M.
Thank you. You nailed it all.
D-Day: 8/28/2009
BW: 59 @ D-Day XH: 60 @ D-Day Married 34 yrs, LIBerated: 2/17/11
Beyond terror is freedom. (Agnes Martin)
Newme123 ( member #41119) posted at 3:50 AM on Saturday, November 23rd, 2013
Great words of wisdom. Now I just need to follow them myself.
Me-BS 33, him-WH 31
Dday 10-30-12 the day before Halloween
Married 10 yrs
DS-14, DD-9, DS-2, DD-5m
Currently trying to R
betraydtwice ( member #38921) posted at 5:51 AM on Saturday, November 23rd, 2013
Very clear and precise. Makes a good read for everyone. I love this post. Thank you so much :)
Want To Wake Up ( member #31583) posted at 6:24 AM on Saturday, November 23rd, 2013
Me 54
WH 54
Met 1978
Married 1981
DDay 2009
Latest TT... Nov 2013 (yep, 2013... not a typo!)
"Adultery is not a symptom of a struggling marriage....a struggling marriage is a result of a person who can chose adultery."- saw this on SI
Shocked2believe ( member #41010) posted at 8:19 AM on Saturday, November 23rd, 2013
What a incredible post. Thank you for that. I agree, it should perhaps go into the Healing Library. All new BS to SI should read it. Let's keep it going. .....
Me:BS Married 15 years
Him: WH - EA/PA with now married OW
'If you come into my life, the door is open; If you leave my life, the door is open; Just one request, don't stand in the doorway and block the traffic"
NoAnswers37 ( member #40592) posted at 10:03 AM on Saturday, November 23rd, 2013
Very very good post, easy to read but covers all of the important aspects of betrayal. I think it will help new BSs feel more "normal" with the inevitable emotions they will sadly go through at the beginning.
Agreed, this needs to stay at the top!
Bravo, I think this will give a lot of people strength. And ultimately, that's all we want. 
Live without pretending
Love without depending
Listen without defending
Speak without offending
jackie89 ( member #38271) posted at 12:54 PM on Saturday, November 23rd, 2013
Wow! You are a great researcher, what I wouldn't of done to have read this when I had just found out!
This really needs to be in both the Healing Library and the JUST FOUND OUT forum!
Mods, please don't let this gem get lost..
selkiescot ( member #23777) posted at 1:13 PM on Saturday, November 23rd, 2013
All veryy true. Great job. 
The truth shall set you free or reveal the name of the OW!
ME 57
WH 64
DDAYs TOO MANY
daughter 27
You give me gifts! I don't want your gifts I want the truth. That's the greatest gift.
Tred ( member #34086) posted at 1:23 PM on Saturday, November 23rd, 2013
Nomad - I'm impressed. Very well covered. This is definitely good advice whether your a newbie or been here for a while.
Married: 27 years (14 @JFO) D-Day: 11/09/11"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)
SBB ( member #35229) posted at 1:36 PM on Saturday, November 23rd, 2013
Another vote for the Healing Library.
Bravo.
I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!
Stillheart ( new member #27322) posted at 2:25 PM on Saturday, November 23rd, 2013
Excellent summary of what the BS deals with. Good read for all.
Me:63 BH
Her:54 WW
Married: 27yrs
8 month affair
D-Day 11-10-08
Two Daughter: 18 & 22
In R and doing well
TheAmazingWondertwin ( member #40769) posted at 5:12 PM on Saturday, November 23rd, 2013
I scrolled through and took screen shots of the whole thing so that I can go back and reread it.
That was extremely well done. Thank you.
Just call me Wonder
If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.
The axe "forgets"- the tree remembers.
Divorced and super good with tha
2 DS- 15 and 16
DDay 1- 07-24-2013
DDay 2- June something or other 2017
catatonic ( member #40758) posted at 5:33 PM on Saturday, November 23rd, 2013
Excellent post
Thank you for taking the time.
So concise and to the point.
TheRealDeal ( member #39560) posted at 5:36 PM on Saturday, November 23rd, 2013
Thank you so much for this. you are certainly in the right career field and am sure you are successful
This is another vote for the Healing Library.
Me (BS): 47 him (Xws): 55
together 18 years
DDay1, DDay2, Dday 3: March - June 2013
Dday4 + June 2015 through January 2016
Status: done I called it quits 1-6-2016
The hardest part of letting go is realizing there wasn't much left to hold on to
sinsof thefather ( member #29295) posted at 5:42 PM on Saturday, November 23rd, 2013
Great Post Nomad - Thank you.
...second star to the right and straight on till morning.
nomistakeaboutit ( member #36857) posted at 8:18 PM on Saturday, November 23rd, 2013
Seriously, Nomad. You've only been on SI since September and have only 22 posts, and you can write this?? You are nothing less than a genius. No more words, other than thank you.
Me: BH 65.........Her: WW 55
DD: 15.......DS: 12. (5 and 2 on DDay)
Married for six years.
DDay: 12-25-11 Divorced: 7-15-12
...................................
StillStanding1 ( member #40144) posted at 1:43 AM on Sunday, November 24th, 2013
Seriously, Nomad. You've only been on SI since September and have only 22 posts, and you can write this?? You are nothing less than a genius.
^^^^totally agree.
If not added to the Healing Library, this looks like the start of a second career as an author! You've managed to sum it all up, clearly and concisely. Wow! While I know all of this to be true already, it helps to see it there, all wrapped up with a nice little bow.
Yep, the risks are high. I'm cautious and not a gambler by nature... so why on earth am I trying to R? Can you take that on in "Chapter 2"? Actually, you can skip the diagnosis... I think I already know... sigh.
Keep up the great posts. I look forward to reading more. Best of luck with your journey.
Me: BS50s Him: WH50s
M 25 years - DD DS DS
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday - 2/13, S for 1 year, now R
FightingBack ( member #34770) posted at 7:22 AM on Sunday, November 24th, 2013
Excellent. Thank you.
Bumped to the top.
Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!
Laura28 ( member #28997) posted at 8:10 AM on Sunday, November 24th, 2013
Married 42yrs Me BW 68Yrs Him F?WH 70yrs OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted. Dday May 28 2010. OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA 16+ years). OW2 2002(8yrs PA). OW3 2009(1Yr PA). Others?? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck 'em"
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