SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

One day at work, he calls me up and tells me to come home at once. I asked him why. He would not tell me at first but since I told him I needed a compelling reason to head home mid-day, he told me: "I ruined our marriage. I fooled around with another woman and now she's blackmailing me." His hooker was threatening to post about their thing on Facebook and tell me, so before she could do that, he told me.

For the first time in my life I went through his laptop. Still don't know why. He was at church with the kids, and I was home with mono.

I found disgusting pornography. I saw a picture of him in the foreground...his erect penis...with a dark figure in the background.

I called and said he needed to come home NOW.

I asked him who that dark figure was. One of our sons is biracial, and I just knew my H wouldn't be naked with an erection while in the same room with him.

My H said, "a prostitute". And my life ended.

I had a gut feeling since day one that the affair started. He was gaslighting me until the OBS sent me a message

I had a bad feeling for a while. Wh was coming home late from work all the time. Lame ass excuses as to why. I fineally had enough and broke into his Facebook account. I found hundreds of messages that will forever be burned into my brain..good times.....

Insert sarcasm

My wife went to India, where she is from originally, in October 2016 due to her jealousy and insecurity issues with me, and the death of a distant relative. In the previous several months, she had started an online affair with a guy in India who had gone to her middle school, even though they didn't know each other at the time. I believed her when she said they were just friends. I even ignored red flags waving in my face. After all, she was the one who was always accusing me, right? So she would never do anything. I had trusted her completely.

In the early morning of December 22, 2016 (late afternoon in India), she video-chatted me in FB and was acting really weird. The way she was talking and staring at me and everything. So I had access to her FB messenger. I thought I'd check and see what was wrong. She was always complaining about her sister-in-law so I thought it would just be some family issue.

What I found was an explicit conversation between her and her other guy, including gems burned into my memory such as, "You're not letting me come on you" and "Are you on your period?" This was followed by recent arrangements to meet in a hotel room. I later concluded that when she video-chatted me, she had just come back from fucking him and that weird behavior was her guilt.

In the time that has followed, I have found out that they had sex at least 7 times, including at least one 90-minute session of hot porn-star sex. And that before she left for India in October, they had developed an online affair in which they showed each other their private parts and engaged in self-pleasuring in video chats.

The pain of this has never left me and I'm getting more and more comfortable with the idea of leaving her.

How poingnat this thread is started during my one year ago Dday weekend.

First, I NEVER suspected or had a gut feeling. In fact, when I saw the first evidence it took me a WHOLE DAY to realize what I had seen!

I asked him for his phone (he never locked it or kept it from me!) to look for some pics I knew were on there from a family event. When I went to his "saved pictures" file I saw ONE pic in that file. It was him, in his underwear standing in front of a mirror. No head in the picture, just his body. Apparently he had forgotten to delete it after his last chat (and failed meeting) the month before.

When I asked him why in the world he took that pic, he was soooooo suave. He said, "Oh, I took that for you but then thought better about sending it, hahaha.

I went on with my day, it was a busy Sunday. But that afternoon I thought, "wait, why wasn't his face in the pic if the pic was for me? And....we've NEVER done anything like that in our marriage..and then....Wait, our marriage has totally sucked lately (he was depressed, sex was not often, stressed).

So I started randomly looking around the computer, not expecting to find anything.

Then I went to his email. I didn't find a single email that was off or suspicious but when I went to his GOOGLE ACTIVITY....Oh my Dear Lord....my whole world went instantly to pieces.

At first what I saw was Adult friend finder and you tube porn-ish videos. I thought he was chatting.

I STILL was not believing he would have ever met anyone. I confronted and he told me ONLY chatting! Never a meeting! I was so distraught I dropped the searching (it was four years worth!!! and I had only scratched the surface!

I did more digging and so much of his "activity" and what he was telling me did not add up. Let me tell you, GOOGLE activity, associated with an email, is a BS's best friend! You can see what they said through Google voice, every where they went and EVERY SINGLE THING THEY"VE SEARCHED FOR!!!

Two days later he confessed "only two" meetings for ONS with strangers. I DIED inside. I had never suspected. High school sweethearts, religious, devoted to each other, best friends and more than a few children. NEVER EVER would MY husband cheat!

Two days later I got a confession of two more, two years earlier.

I decided that day to get a polygraph and I told him he had one day to get ALL the details out. After the poly, if he failed...DIVORCE.

He had no other encounters to confess but many, many chats and two failed meetings.

He passed the poly. But I continued my "searches". I've uncovered many disgusting chats but no more actual meetings. He met each slut only once, didn't know their names, wore condoms and never talked to them again.

That is my sad Dday story. The good news is he's done every thing right since then. IC, Pastoral counseling, mentors, boundaries higher than the wall in Game of Thrones now, treats me like a queen and has done a complete transformation. We are in R.

[This message edited by kaygem at 1:38 AM, March 18th (Sunday)]

I was helping WW remotely with her work, while she was in a research trip.

Saw one selfie with a guy that she had mentioned worked for her. Very out of character for her.

That was all it took. It felt like a punch, it brought me to tears, and later on, when I went to see the photo, seeing it deleted confirmed the fears. From that point on, I checked her GPS, text messages timeline, etc., and when she returned home from her trip I confronted her: she confessed her EA/PA with this guy, and of course initially blamed it on me.

We are both in IC, and I am wary. There is complete access to all her accounts, that I know of, but trust is gone.

BTW, did you know that if you have your phone on you while one of these GPS apps is on, and you have vigorous sex, it registers as exercise? Found that out the hard way.

Ugh, periodic zen that's so wrong. Awful. I found a screenshot of a text that ex-BF had saved saying how special they were to each other and "our little secret".

A person I had never met before, who knew my gf was cheating, sent me a Facebook message that she wasn’t in class and was wondering where she was. I told her that she said she was sleeping at a friends place the night before. I knew something wasn’t up before, but that just confirmed it.

She came home “after class” and i confronted her. She spilled the beans immediately and I kicked her out. Told to go to her new man.

I called the OW and she told me at DDay2. I thought the A was over and we had reconciled. Stupid me!

He got careless, I found their stash of Ann Summers merchandise in the house, the rest is history. I’m always amazed that, when they get found out, so many WS pretend the A has been going on for far less time than it actually has - as if that makes it any better! Truth never figures highly in a cheater’s list of priorities.

I was blind sided

Wh and I had returned from vacation a week earlier. He took all the pictures with his phone. Pictures auto save on his laptop.

I had picked up his phone so I could send the pictures to me, wh freajed our grabbing at his phone. I still got it but decided there was an easier way. It wasn’t easier.

Next day, I went to his laptop and started transferring the pictures from there. I noticed these weird looking pictures a little before our vacation and decided to wait until I was done transferring and then have a look

It was pictures of what I thought was a mans half bare ass and a hand in the aaa. Then I realized it was a woman’s because I could see high heels in the floor of the car. Then I realized it was my husbands hand.

Not knowing how to deal with it and not having found si, I emailed him the pictures and said “what the fuck are these? “. No reply. He phoned and said he didn’t get the email. I don’t believe that. So I asked him on the phone and he said those were send to him by a colleague with the caption “look what I did”. I told him it looked like his hand. He swore it wasn’t.

He started to hide his hands in his pockets so I could t show him proof. I started looking for pictures of his and this colleagues hands so I could confirm. I spent almost the next week trying to get proof.

One evening, I waited for him to be asleep and I took his phone into the bathroom. There were two numbers that I questioned but one of them showed only a first initial and the texts had been deleted.

The next morning, we had a family function and my sister texted wh, while he walked away from his phone, about bringing something they asked for. I picked up hid phone and had a reason to ask who “p” was. He stammered and changed the name a few times and I knew I had the right number.

I suspected it could be someone that contacted wh constantly years prior. I had a feeling if who it would likely be, even though I thought he would never do that and certainly not with her, her husband is nuts. I went back years in his phone records and found it.

I confronted and he confessed to sexual 9 years prior and just the one day that I found the pictures from.

A year later, I was able to undelete text messages and found the real truth.

He seems to be remorseful and doing the right things. He seems to be the h I always should have had and deserved. Time will tell. For now, I am happily in r.

A day before my birthday a police officer came to our door. He saw that there were 2 small kids running around so he asked H to come to the police station for "dangerous driving". So H went over and was arrested and had to give a statement. His AP (who he ignored and blocked after they have been together over a year ago) is accusing him of raping her. He gave his statement, they took his phone for evidence that her accusations aren't true, and he came home to tell me. Thats how I "found" out. So besides the infidelty and all the uglyness and pain that comes with it, we are dealing with a possible court case and all his anger and anxiety that comes with that.

He stormed out leaving me over another issue and my friend told me to let him go. I then found out about one.

On confrontation, she was the third one he admitted too. Opphs he started the wrong way around!!! Hey didn't matter once we got to six anyhow.

My WH was working abroad and was home for Thanksgiving 2016. All was normal, I was busy getting the meal ready and he was working but also helping me out picking up last minute ingredients etc.

The following day he left his laptop on when he went to walk the dog. A calendar notification came up on the screen saying "reminder, your flight to (other city in 3rd country) tomorrow at 18.55".

This was weird and he hadn't mentioned it so I started digging around on the laptop. Seconds later I found photos, texts, google location info, whatsapp conversations in email, the whole 9 yards. I grabbed my phone and took pictures of everything I could, emailed myself as much of it as possible and copied photos onto a usb.

I said nothing then, I think I was in shock. Next day before he was due to leave for the airport I asked him why he was going there and not his work country. Cool as you like, he told me his business partner had asked him to go check out some leads there. Then I asked him who OW's name was, and poof 25 years together fell apart.

There was weeks of lying, TT, more lies, false R, cake eating, all the usual cheater crap. Then I grew a backbone and told him not to darken my and our children's door ever again as long as he wished to continue having an affair. And he hasn't. He is now playing the victim, saying that I gave him no option but to move to OW's country, still deep in wayward shyte.

When I was digging I found out he listed the OW in his phone not by her real name, but by the name of his mother who died when he was just 3 years old. I think I too missed my calling as an investigator, I found lots of information, photos, messages, timelines, hotel and vacation info, friends names, mobile phone numbers, social media profiles and company directorship info really easily. People are really clueless about not only what is out there online about them, but also about how they share and store stuff digitally. I'm not an expert, just a woman scorned (!) and I got piles of info on my WH, his OW and her friends and family.

I am past being interested in finding out what he did or is doing, but I will never forget the feeling in the pit of my stomach as I looked at his laptop that day, it was sickening. Like a punch in the stomach, over and over with every photo, email, text, message. I've never felt anything as bad in my life, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone (except for WH and OW of course, God how I'd love them to feel the pain of those moments when my life as I knew it imploded)

Funnily enough, much later I remembered that on that same trip I came downstairs one morning to hear WH on the phone to someone. I could tell by the way he spoke that the person's first language wasn't English. He finished the call quickly and told me someone had called him to say the alarm was going off in his apartment abroad. I knew something was off but couldn't pinpoint it. I went to go back upstairs but instead waited outside the door. Sure enough he made another call, but then one of the kids came down and he hung up again. I didn't figure it out for ages but he was calling the trollope, duh! There was no alarm in his apartment, and even if there were, they would have called the landlord, not him. It still irks me that I missed that red flag. Wouldn't have made a difference really as the affair was well under way by then, but I hate that he made a fool of me and that he was able to lie so smoothly, that still hurts. I keep reminding myself that he's the biggest fool of all though. On April Fool's Day in 2017, he walked away from his wife, his children, his home, his friends, his (my) family, and at least half of everything he owns.

I like the symmetry of his leaving date, he tried to fool me but ended up the biggest loser in the end. He continues to fool himself and probably the OW that this is the life he has always dreamed of.

The OW my bff and her husband ambushed me with a confession 8years later!

My WW became detached from me and so protective about her phone. A gut feeling told me to check her phone and i found the chats that turned ny world upside down.

My WH got into bed one night and became tearful telling me he’s unhappy and he feels like crying. I was taken aback, he is a very positive not complicated man, we had a great holiday when he was happy and his usual self. I asked him if it was me, us, there was a long pause followed by him saying “don’t worry about it, no it isn’t you, I’ll feel better tomorrow”.

That was the beginning of TT and for about 1 week to 10 days (I don’t remember exactly when the night he was tearful was). I went into detective mode, initially trying to talk to him, asking if there is someone else, asking what it was that made him unhappy. He started talking about our sex life, requesting some new things which brought more red flags because there were a few in a short amount of time. He then started talking about flirting with someone else but nothing happened.

One day (27th Sept) I was off sick and it crossed my mind to sync an iPad to his Apple ID. I asked him for his password (he was at work) under the pretence of updating apps, he gave it to me and within 10 min an iMessage came through “I love you too”. The rest is blurred now... asking him to come home, seeing texts between the two of them “she found texts, looks like it is done”... him coming home... asking him to pack his bags, talking for hours...

[This message edited by Luna10 at 4:11 AM, March 19th (Monday)]

Marriage #1 - I found discussions about here partners on her blog. She didn't think I could read Cyrillic. I'm much more clever than most people think.

Marriage #2 - Her computer was acting up and she asked me to fix it. I found a whole bunch of nasty pictures, videos she'd captured from her webcam. I got curious so I cloned her phone and that's when I got the proof I needed to end things.

I, too, was blindsided.

One night, there was an event in our community. I went home to go to bed; he stayed out. At 3am, I was frantically driving looking for him, since the phone was dead.

Found him and Whore walking down the street- convincing me they had taken care of a drunken friend. I fell for it. The net day, a mutual friend told me about having to take care of this drunken friend. Wh said all he and Whore did was talk.

I went to our business and watched the security tape. They did not do much talking.

And that was the day that a part of my marrriage died. All financial pieces are now exclusively in my name. Everything. Ive kept the circle of people who know small....but as someone posted earlier today, I am just waiting for him to do it again so I can have a clean break....the proof I need that he isn’t the good guy that I thought he was (and what everyone thinks he is). There are days I want to make his world explode and hers with it. He has much to lose. All of it really. The house. The reputation. Social capital. All of it. I just have to face the fact that I would also be tagged as the woman whose husband cheated on her. Tough tough pill for me to swallow.