SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

YOU aren’t wasting money on lawyers, HE IS!!!

Hold your ground, and go 180 hard!!! Send him one last email/text stating that all communications must go through your attorney, then Cut off ALL communication with him.

Be strong!

You can do it!

He is just showing himself to be the selfish bastard he really is one more time!

Don’t let him push you around!!! Agree to follow the law!!!

From your posts, mediation is pointless. It only works when both parties are willing to compromise or agree.

His problem if he doesn’t want to spend money on a lawyer. He should have thought of that before he started fighting you on what the law says you are entitled to.

The reason he is enraged is because you are doing what’s in your best interests and he is feeling the consequences for his shit choices. Stick with your attorney and demand what the law provides you should have a right to in a divorce. Hell, demand more as long as he is going to call you names and let him sweat it out. Don’t do the deed if you can’t afford to pay the consequences!

Bingo!!!

Let him bitch and moan all he wants. Don't reply or engage.

I hope you can document the conversations with him. Harder if verbal. I'm hoping e-mail or text.

You don't want to spend money on a lawyer. You have to because of him. He's a bully. He wants no consequences. Protect yourself. If he had more assets coming into the marriage and they have gained more value than any you personally have go after that to. If it's the other way around don't bring it up. Let the evil genius figure it out for himself.

Best wishes in getting through this difficult time and putting it all behind you.

I went strictly by our state's community property laws with my attorney. I did settle for 50% of the pension which will come to me as a monthly check for the rest of my life and 3yrs spousal support which wasn't that much. The pension only counted for the years we were married and he already had to do the same with his wife #1. I left him his IRA as mine and his were about the same. He was furious when we went to mediation with our attorney's. He had no choice as it was the state law and if I had to take before a judge he might have to give me more.

Go NC except for texts or email and only answer the ones that require an answer from you. I ignored the ones that called me names for taking his money. I would often refer others to my attorney if it had to do with the divorce. Do not do a mediation without your attorney present.

[This message edited by TrustGone at 10:53 PM, April 30th (Monday)]

In my state if you were married more than 5 years, and he made twice as much, he would owe you spousal support too!

His problem if he doesn’t want to spend money on a lawyer. He should have thought of that before he started fighting you on what the law says you are entitled to.

I'll go one further; he should have thought of that before he dicked someone else ! Scumbag.

[This message edited by Gunnut at 5:54 AM, May 1st (Tuesday)]

The 50:50 law is there to be FAIR to BOTH partners.

Your STBXWH is a stupid fool.

Deep breaths......

and don't let him grind you down!

Hugs to you,

MOB x

This is purely narcissistic rage at its finest. Do not respond to him and hold your ground. He's actually very lucky to be getting 50/50. In many states (even at no fault states), the courts will tend to grant as much as 65/35, especially when there is marital misconduct. In my state, which is not at fault, I could easily have proven marital misconduct. When I told that to my ex, he totally backed off. Not only because he would lose financially, but, what I said in court would be documented making his terrible behavior part of public record. For the record, I ended up with 60% of our assets mostly because he out earned me and marital misconduct.

Let your lawyer know you are in a high conflict divorce. Tell your STBX to talk to your lawyer. Do not deal directly with him. In the meantime, focus on your healing. Also, spend some time learning about your rights and learning how the law works in your state. Remember JADE:

Never:

Justify

Argue

Defend

Explain

You owe him nothing. You owe yourself peace of mind. If you do not engage with him, he will eventually get the message. If he harasses you, you may want to throw in a protection order as well.

Big hugs. This part is really hard.

[This message edited by CornflakeGirl at 10:32 AM, May 1st (Tuesday)]

Another update:

He’s continued with the constant requests not to have attorneys. And with the stream of insults. He finally said a couple of things that were so ugly that I changed my text settings - he can still text me and the messages are saved but I don’t see them unless I choose to open them.

I’m stunned by those low blows. And I’m heartbroken over what he said to me.

Lawyer up honey. You need someone to give you good legal advice and be completely on your side. It will be worth every penny.

Don't for one minute think you need to be nice and agreeable to what he wants. He showed no consideration whatsoever for what you wanted (like being a faithful husband and wanting to work things out?)

He cheated, he wants the divorce - you did nothing wrong here and you shouldn't give one inch nor show him any empathy or consideration.

AND DON'T DELETE THOSE NASTY TEXTS HE SENT YOU. They'll keep you strong if you start to waffle or he tries to sweet talk you.

[This message edited by cactusflower at 2:37 PM, May 3rd (Thursday)]

Don't take those texts to heart. He sent them for exactly that reason. He's trying to bully you into giving in to his demands because he knows he's wrong. He is showing just what kind of man he is. Whatever is in those texts simply isn't true. I know because I'm getting the same kind of texts. WH doesn't want to involve lawyers. I'm wasting my money and just doing this to be difficult. I'm being unreasonable and unfair just to mess with him.

I have some people in real life I let read the texts to assure me I am not the crazy, unreasonable one. I find I need their reassurances less and less as this moves forward. Perhaps something similar will help keep you grounded.

And with the stream of insults. He finally said a couple of things that were so ugly that I changed my text settings

Oh honey, do NOT take it to heart. My STBXWH has been doing this on and off. This morning, he hit WAY below the belt. Absolute degrading cruel filth. I completely blocked him. Email only from now on, which I will check 2x a day, and quickly scan for topic. If anything but kids/finances, moving on.

Honestly, just block him. This way you're not tempted to read his nonsense. It's all self-hatred, you know. He can hate himself without involving you.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 9:58 PM, May 4th (Friday)]

Kind of confused, why are you two talking about this anyway? Especially if he's been acting like that? Do you really think you're going to come to terms with someone with his current mentality and attitude?? You're just opening yourself up to more pain. I'd leave divorce talk and finances to your lawyer and his when he gets one and refuse to talk about any of if with him personally. Obviously it's not helping you.

[This message edited by JS84 at 5:23 AM, May 5th (Saturday)]

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Please proceed with care and caution. His actions have consequences and he does not like his. He is being selfish and foolish. He is trying to manipulate you to get his way at your expense and cheat you out of what is yours.Treat this as a business negotiation. Accept nothing less than 50% of any asset. Reject any other offer. He does not want you to keep a lawyer because they will put a stop to his attempt to cheat you. Keep the attorney to discuss the results of mediation if assets are being swapped instead of a 50% division. If he does not want an attorney involved in the mediation then he should start dividing assets in half. Keep yours with you or to review the results. Because of his ill treatment of you and abuse stop all communication with him except through print or email. If he remains manipulative and abusive have all communication handled by your attorney. I would keep legal council because he is being unreasonable and this is upsetting you. Divorce is difficult enough without his insults and harm he directs at you. Do what is best for yourself.

[This message edited by Ripped62 at 9:09 AM, May 5th (Saturday)]

I agree completely with Ripped62.

Is he threatening you?

He's trying to bully you into submission. I suggest you make your lawyer aware of these nasty messages.

You really need to make someone else IRL aware of this just in case.

The split of assets has caused people in his position to react in extreme ways.

[This message edited by sandylee at 2:58 AM, May 7th (Monday)]

Ripped62 nailed it.