SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I normally think this is a bad idea, but in this case I think you must have a revenge affair on her, to level the playing field and give her a taste of what you are going through.

I disagree. Keep your integrity and jettison the cheating fiance.

Unless she came running to you IMMEDIATELY after it happened and said that she was roofied, at which point you should have brought her immediatelyto police and hospital to get a rape kit and get tox screening, there is ZERO chance!!!

I know it is hell, after reading the advice here, you know deep down what you must do!

Be strong.

Life will get better.

And you WILL find the true love of your life, someone that will love you, respect you, and yes, be faithful to you!!!

If you do continue with the wedding, what will happen with the vows?

If you plan to have kids pick a better mother for them than one so selfish as a cheater. If she cheats again when you have kids it will ruin their family life.

Do you know for sure that she hasn't cheated before? My bet and experience says high likelihood she has and that she may well cheat again. She belongs with another cheater who shares her values.

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[This message edited by fighter76 at 1:20 PM, November 9th (Friday)]

Just found out yesterday my fiance had a drunken one night affair saturday night/sunday morning. This is the worst and most difficult thing I've ever encountered in my life. Dont really know what to do.

Drunk is not an excuse. The only thing worse than this would be ending up married to her. Better wake up here.

That said, I have no clue what to do about the wedding. She is legitimately remorseful, but I have a huge problem putting our love on a very public display. Just seems so distasteful for me to do right now.

Doubtful. More like regret of you finding out.

Do not Marty her!!!!!

[This message edited by Marz at 5:42 PM, May 7th (Monday)]

Me being a young betrayed spouse, I know how hard it is to let go. I was only married for 10 months before my ex wife decided she wanted another man.

I decided to run away, go to counseling, work more hours, and start working out.

It still hurts like hell, probably will for awhile, but I suggest the same for you. Being drunk isn’t an excuse, nothing excuses cheating.

She will try to convince you this isn’t her, but it is.

Did she get an std?

so how many times did she cheat that night and morning?

time to call off the wedding. get the ring back.

and get your life back.

Run! did she get pregnant?

This girl just flunked the girlfriend/fiancé test.

So why in the world would you want to make her your wife?

Thank god you found out now and cut bait.

There hasn’t been a SINGLE post even remotely suggesting that you should stay together!!

I’m sorry and I know that you are hurting, but what does that tell you?

Why did you come here and hope to get? Were you looking for impartial advice? Were you hoping for honest opinions?

Well, I think you got it. Now it is completely up to you. Good luck, and don’t let ANYONE pressure you into doing anything. This is too big of a decision

But I think you know what you must do

And if you want to read what an honorable man does, find and read LtCdrLost‘s thread “Home from Deployment to Hell”

Read not only what he does, but how he feels about the woman he gave his heart to!!!

Having been through what I have now, I would say leave. Leave the relationship now.

Couples counselling is unlikely to be of help, as it's too soon for that. You'll need individual counselling as will your cheater.

Has she cheated before? How did you find out? Did she confess of her own free will? It's really unlikely that she's remorseful at this point. Regretful maybe.

I would not compromise your own values with a revenge affair.

Run.

Alcohol can reveal the inner leanings. She gave you a preview.

This is very difficult and I'm sorry, but you need to run, not walk, away from this woman. This is not a person you can trust and enter into marriage with...ever. I'm sorry, but she's shown you who she is, please believe her.

Walk away.

I just reread my previous post and it came out completely wrong!!! It was about a revenge affair

What I meant was that I normally think that it is a bad idea, but he should leave the cheating fiancé and find another woman, someone that will love, honor, cherish, and faithful to him, and yes, it will give the cheater a taste of what he is going through.

But even this is too rough.

Just leave the cheater, find the true love of your life, and put the cheater in to your history, never to be seen again

You should cancel the wedding, dump her, and then get on your knees and thank almighty God that this happened now instead of in the future when you could have had kids and/or financial entanglements.

Thank you for the advice everyone. I don't know what I want to do. A big part of me really wants to stay with her. You have to understand that the life I had envisioned for myself EDIT: has just come crashing down in the past 24-36 hours. I am very, very raw emotionally right now.

I don't really know what I'm going to do. All options ARE on the table.

Yes, it was a ONS. Yes, she admitted it right away. We were out with her friends, then she was going to meet up with two friends from undergrad and meet us back out. She never came back.

What I'm sure of: the wedding is absolutely off. That's not happening. We just bought a place together in March. Leaving is not going to be simple. It probably never is at this stage, but I literally have nowhere to go.

[This message edited by wocket at 6:48 PM, May 7th (Monday)]

You're not going to know all the details for a long time, if ever. As ppl have said, at least you found out before you got married. Will you ever be able to trust her again? Going into a marriage knowing you can't trust your partner must surely be one of the most damaging things you could do to yourself mentally.

I'm so sorry she cheated, but get the best, most positive outcome you can. If you really can't face leaving, postpone the wedding until you've done as much thinking, talking and individual/couple counseling as it takes to feel comfortable with her again. This might take a long, long time.

Cross posted with you there wicket. So sorry

Can you stay with friends until you sort something more permanent out?

What I'm sure of: the wedding is absolutely off. That's not happening. We just bought a place together in March. Leaving is not going to be simple. It probably never is at this stage, but I literally have nowhere to go.

Calling off the wedding is the best thing you can do right now. It takes the pressure off you to sweep this under a rug. Untangling your finances should you want to break up with her completely will take some time but it is not that difficult. What are the details of the place you bought? Are you both on the mortgage and title? Can either of you afford it on your own? How much did you put down and how much of that was your's and her's?

Wocket, damn phone autocorrect!