SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I look back at my wedding now, and I hear rim shots playing.

"Do you, horrible person, take GoldenR to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"I do"

BA-DUM CHING!!!!

Wocket:

Take your time to process everything. Do not act rashly. You will receive a lot of opinions here. One of the sayings is: “take the advice you can use and leave the rest.”

I am not one to advocate cutting and running immediately. It is a good decision to postpone the wedding. Postponing the wedding will be a consequence for your fiancé’s infidelity. You have no need to sell your real estate immediately. You are not married. You need to talk with your fiancé extensively to help you get a feel for whether this was a momentary lapse, an exit move to get out of the engagement, a drunken fling, or whatever. You are not bound to her so taking your time and being vigilant will pay you dividends. How your fiancé responds to your anger and pain, how she responds to the disappointment in postponing the wedding, how she is able to look inward for her own brokenness and what she does to show remorse for her actions will give you a good sense whether she could be faithful life partner. Take your time before making any final decisions. Good luck.

what she does to show remorse for her actions will give you a good sense whether she could be faithful life partner.

Hasn't that ship already sailed?

How far along are the wedding plans? She may be willing to walk over hot coals to marry you but at this point is she doing it for you or the wedding?

[This message edited by Michigan at 7:39 PM, May 7th (Monday)]

Hello and welcome.

Betrayal is the worst ever, isn't it? We understand. Right now your thoughts and emotions are all over the place, which is a normal reaction.

That said, you are doing really well believe it or not. Look what you said here:

The problem is the best long term solution is often not the path of least resistance.

That's good stuff. You've called off the wedding. These items indicate that you aren't totally paralyzed by the shock and are thinking it through not 48 hours in.

Yes it would be easier to just go with the flow for now. Most everyone else here will tell you that breakups are 1000 times more difficult once marriage and kids are involved. Selling a house and moving is sad, inconvenient, and a bit daunting but honestly an excellent life investment at this point. She's a terrible risk for the most precious things you will have, i.e. years of your life and your children.

Ok enough of that. Let's make sure you are taking care of yourself. This is emotionally tough. You need to take care of your body and mind here. Things like eating and drinking (not alcohol ) regularly, getting adequate sleep etc should be a priority for you. Treat it like a work project for your most important client. The Healing library on the front page of this site has some faqs and resources that might come in handy.

You got this. We've got your back!

You have made a wise first decision. With the heat of the wedding off, and all the mess she has to deal with in that decision, you are probably going to see her seriously address this betrayal.

Glad you were able to get some pretty definitive direction here, Wocket. Now comes the hard work. And if you still want to be with her, a good start is some pretty intense pre-marital counseling.

Sounds like it was planned?

Unless your chick carries rubbers around even though she was in a committed relationship?

Here's the thing...your chick act one way around you and acts completely different when you are not.

Why were you not invited? Why leave you to go see them?

I bet if you bugged her conversations with a recorder....you would hear the lack of respect she has for you....why...cuz she behaves one way when you are around and completely different when you are not.

No reason to feel humiliated.

Everyone of us here, everyone has had it happen to them. You did nothing wrong. SHE should feel humiliated!!!!

Hold your head up high, and when someone asks what happened, tell them what happened!!!

You are stronger than you think

You will come out the other side a better and stronger person

[This message edited by Kamstel at 8:01 PM, May 7th (Monday)]

First ease up on yourself. Now, take some time to breathe.

Let's look at this coldly. She met an old friend. She told you she would. You were ok with that. Then she fucked him. This is not a drunken act. It is something she wanted and hoped for. One last cheap fuck before oblivion

She fessed up. After you asked? Not good. No not good at all. So if you hadn't asked she would have defrauded you into marrying her? Wonderful.

Now. Take it from me on this. I know what you are thinking. Everyone will wonder wtf happened. You will feel the sting of people assuming things. Ok. So what? So bloody what? You are going into a supposedly lifelong relationship. You doing this for them? Or you?

You owe nothing to others. You owe nothing to her. You owe everything to you. You don't stay with a ho to keep up appearances. You don't stay with a ho because it makes financial sense. You don't stay with a ho because she is sorry, was drunk, etc. and you sure as hell don't stay with a ho because it is easier.

You drop a ho now like a bad habit. House issues? Sell it. End of problem.

You have been given a window into the future. Look deeply. Do you want a wife who has a sip of wine and gets naked with a friend? Who would? No man. You know now what she is. Most of us didn't. You need to know nothing more.

Drop her used ass. Now. Find your life

I am writing this as a BS that has been married to a serial cheater for 30+ years.

My WW first cheated within the first three years of our M, and I took the path of least resistance which has not been an easy road.

Had I known beforehand, there would have been no wedding, ever, and the relationship would have ended right there, permanently.

But instead I stayed and have suffered more over the years from a woman that I still completely love and adore some how...but I shouldn’t have.

Also, we go way back together, to jr high school, and our families do too, so her behavior was not expected at all.

You’ve known this woman only a few years, hardly enough to overlook this, don’t you think?

I’m not going to tell you to leave her, or to stay, but I will tell you to do what’s best for you and to protect yourself...get a thorough prenup signed ASAP, and get rid of the house and split the equity if there is any.

You need to sever any and all legal connections to her now.

One more thing. If she used protection then one or both of them planned this. And the chances of using protection for more than 5 minutes are nil.

Funny thing about cheaters....they don't feel humiliated and if they do...it cuz someone found out and exposed them. So the blame always goes towards the exposure and not the betrayal.

cheaters are just phucked up that way.

I bet your chick wants nothing to do with telling anybody why the wedding is off?

[This message edited by TheGuy123 at 8:01 PM, May 7th (Monday)]

If you haven’t done it already, get that ring off her finger! Immediately!!!

Is she there now or staying with a “friend”?

Wocket, you're still in the shock phase. The woman you love and trust just shoved a shit sandwich in your mouth. You can't believe it's even real. The awful taste of shit, it's so shocking you are still trying to come to grips with. Just a couple of days ago life was so sweet, and now you have this. The sweetness seems so close and so real, while the shit sandwich, even though it's in your mouth, feels surreal.

With each passing day, the distance between your reality and that past sweetness will grow larger, but the shit sandwich you're eating will remain the same.

Part of getting engaged means promising to be exclusive. The engagement period is a time when lovers are still feeling the thrill of new love. Staying exclusive during engagement is the easiest part of staying exclusive. You guys bought a house, have an actual wedding planned, but she went out for one last roll in the hay, probably with an ex, possibly a man she has pined for.

How is she going to remain exclusive to you for 5 years, 10 years, 20 years, when she can't even do it for 3 or 4 months during the most exciting part of your young love? What happens after years of exhaustion and sleepless nights caring for babies, when the two of you barely have time for any intimacy? What happens when you get to middle age and she starts to worry about her fading looks? Marriage is a marathon, and it only works if the partners have character. Your fiance has zero character.

Strangely enough, I think you are in a very fortunate situation. Many betrayed men here would give their left arm to learn about the character if their spouses before they walked down the aisle.

Pls read all the stories on this site.. its full of men who eventually let their wives get away with infidelity and end up have 2nd, 3rd and some more D-Days.

Do you know that she went to meet "friends"? who are those other friends... chances are that this was premeditated in that she knew she would meet this friend from the past...

Dont be one of those who eventually accept infidelity. Do not reward her ONS with your life long loyalty. give that to someone else. You're young... you have oodles of time to meet the woman who matches your sense of integrity...

If you piss her off before you get that ring off her digit.....you will never see it again!

Step one in Wocket's plan... get ring any way you can.

Step two tell her the weddings off.

Step three tell her ........

Step two tell her family.

Step three tell her the weddings off.

Wocket, all of us in JFO understand the devastation you are feeling. An atomic bomb has just been dropped on your life, and what's left at this point is ashes.

She's engaged to you and she chose to cheat. Not a mistake, she cheated knowing that it was wrong, but she did it anyway. It made her feel good.

At minimum, postpone the wedding. Not for a month or two or three, but for at least a few years.

Honestly, after having been through this hell and having been on this board for almost a decade, AND having three sons of my own, I highly suggest you run and never look back. You will always wonder where the hell she is, what she is doing, who she is with, anytime she arrives home ten or fifteen minutes late, your mind will go there. Always. This is going to be your life for the next several years at least. Is this what you want, to be hypervigilant when you are supposed to be blissfully married?

You need to make a plan and work the plan.

She will rewrite the relationship history and even accuse you of something, making you out the bad guy.

She may even own her shyt and face this as her fault.

You need to prepare for anything...and that is why we are here for you.

Take what works in your sitch.. and leave the rest....

My wife or 19 yrs phucked me over 8 yrs ago so I have been there.

You must have been texting her or messaging her that night, asking where she was. What did she say?

You deserve better. I know it's huge right now with having to call off a wedding but believe me, one day you will look back and thank your lucky stars you did not marry her.

Don't look back.