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He told me he has been watching videos and reading articles online that describe his situation: men are now ruled by a matriarchy. The worst thing any self respecting, “alpha male” can do (it’s disgusting when he uses that term) is get married-worst if all, to an older woman (defined as above 30) because their biological clock has them all on the hunt to ensnare a man and turn him into a beta male. It’s best to keep yourself around 20 something women because they’ll do all kinds of crazy sex without wanting a commitment. I’ll spare you any more of the repulsive details of his ridiculous ideas. Suffice it to say, I am heartbroken and devastated because I don’t think he will come back to his senses from this kind of cult like thinking. He was so wonderful and normal before.😭

Yeah.....he's full of shit. He's already cheating, has been for a while.

I agree with the others who suggest that he has already cheated. I cannot imagine him making this bold announcement if he hasn't done so.

In my opinion you would be wise to start the divorce process. That may shock him out of his asshattery, but don't do it for that reason. Do it for your own sanity. You don't need to live with this hanging over you.

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.

Sami:

Others have given you great advice. Well, isn’t he a special little muffin. Outrage is not a sufficient word to use to describe your immature emotionally toxic WH. I am so sorry your WH turned out to be such an incredible, laughable loser. My advice is to see a shark lawyer and file for D. Show no mercy and make sure you and the children get everything you are entitled to by law. Get tested for STD’s. Read in the healing library. Please do a hard 180. His ultimatum is insulting to you. Almost laughable. Be there as a stable parent for your children and rely on friends and family. Expose this idiot’s ultimatum to all family and friends. Then move on with NC as much as possible.

Always value yourself. You will need counseling to help you deal with the fact that you are M to the village idiot. But you will pull through and find a better life. Good luck.

Ummm. I'm a man and that is not my true nature. Sorry you found SI but you are in good hands here! He sounds like a prick for saying that and for wanting his cake and eat it too. He wants the "we are a happy little family" in public. Behind closed doors it is "See ya later sweetie, I got a date".

This hits home to me as my stbxww was BI. I found out about her messing around with women after we got M. I actually agreed to a one sided open relationship, kinda. I was young and dumb and thought it would lead to other things as she led me on. What came from it was her leaving me and the kids throughout the years to do her thing every once in awhile. They were dark days for me. I know its 2 different things but what I went through was pure hell. Please don't allow this. You said you don't think you can handle that arrangment. Please don't! You are worth way more then you know. With his head soo far up his ass he can't see the beautiful woman he is disrespecting as well as his kids. You are still young so don't believe his words! Unless he changes his tune, don't be ashamed to look into divorce. It won't be your fault. Just as his new revaluation or mid life crisis isn't on you. This is not your fault at all.

Do you have daughters? I'm trying to imagine how this "sex crazed women in their 20s will do anything with a 43 year old man without wanting a commitment" bullshit integrates with being a father of a little girl. Not to mention the toxicity of him teaching your son(s) that this is what they are "entitled" to.

Coco is right, this is some scary shit. I am so, so sorry.

I want to talk about your WH first. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAA (breathe) AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Sounds like he will have a quality life "hunting" young women who I'm sure are all dying for a no-commitment sexual relationship with some old dad-dude. I remember these kinds of guys sniffing around when I was in my early 20s. My hot little friends and I called them SOSOS. Sad Old Sacks of Shit. (I'm basically married to one of those now. Karma...)

Now you. Think of this SOSOS contaminating your family with this poison. He wants to be an animal? You are raising human beings. I don't know if it's worse for sons or daughters to be exposed to his world view, but either way, they need a sane, healthy parent, and WH is NOT IT.

See a lawyer at once. Find out your rights. Tell your entire family and his what his plans are. Use your phone to record your conversations with him.

Stay hydrated. Eat what you can (liquid or solid, sweet or savory - figure it out and nourish your body). See your doctor for STD testing and for something to help you sleep if you need it. Avoid alcohol. You are going to WAR for the soul of your family

Yeah.....he's full of shit.

GoldenR hit it on the head. He is completely full of shit and some crazy shit I would say.

I have a childhood friend that's 52 yr old H went through a MLC and they had been married for over 20 yrs. He said and did some of the same stupid shit your H has said. He didn't want a divorce either but she packed his shit, kicked his ass out and a few months later he was dragging his sorry ass back with his tail between his legs. Apparently 20 somethings didn't want anything to do with him.

My friend stood her ground though and that was that. She divorced him and he cried and pleaded for her to change her mind. She is remarried to a great guy now that everyone loves.

Karma is a bitch.

Don't let him do this to you.

He told me he has been watching videos and reading articles online that describe his situation: men are now ruled by a matriarchy. The worst thing any self respecting, “alpha male” can do (it’s disgusting when he uses that term) is get married-worst if all, to an older woman (defined as above 30) because their biological clock has them all on the hunt to ensnare a man and turn him into a beta male. It’s best to keep yourself around 20 something women because they’ll do all kinds of crazy sex without wanting a commitment. I’ll spare you any more of the repulsive details of his ridiculous ideas. Suffice it to say, I am heartbroken and devastated because I don’t think he will come back to his senses from this kind of cult like thinking. He was so wonderful and normal before.😭

Wait what? Which male chauvinist cult did he get inducted into?

What a POS. I mean, seriously.

I'm sorry, Sami. He needs some serious help, but you seriously need to get away from him if you want to avoid needing even more of your own help later on.

You need to find someplace to go away from him. Immediately.

I'd even go so far as to be concerned for your safety, as he sounds legit psychotic & that he could "do things" to assert his dominance over you.

Strength it is tough. You need to slap him around the ears.

First by saying that he does not understand the red pill theory, you say that according to the red pill theory he can also be alpha by being 'leader of the pack' (family man) instead of by being a bull (young man who intentionally is without a relationship to stay available for new women), and thus that he is just using an excuse to cheat on his family and does not keep his family commitments as a true alpha and thus per definition is a BETA.

Also, you say that if his biological imperative is to spread his seed, yours is to find the best man and that women have far more opportunities than he has and that he will lose trying to find women while you have men waiting in line for you, so it goes both ways and also you say he suddenly does not appear to be worthy of you because he shows that he is stupid and that is a negative dna trait. This just to mess with his head and stir things up, because then:

Then, you use cheaterbuster to find his Tinder profile and expose his new self to his family, your family, and all friends and others. If he has no profile, you tell all about his new identity that destroys your family anyways. Yes, you can even start a Facebook-page that displays your guy as wannabe alpha red pill to everyone, saying it is at the cost of his marriage and family, so everyone can see how destructive he is trying to be "alpha". Usually, family will put pressure on the (almost) cheater to make positive changes and this may prevent cheating and destroys affairs. It takes all the fun away.

Of course, you do the 180 on him, and start building a life for yourself, you are and should be your own best friend.

Strength, SI is here for you, you are not alone.

Sami,

I’ve been watching videos too. Some women wear blue tight, red cap, and shoot lasers from their eyes. Scary stuff I tell you.

He’s been cold for 8-10 months, he’s probably been cheating, and trying to make you the bad guy.

Even if he’s not cheating, he’s incredibly disrespectful in how he talks to you and what he says. My mother was 8 years older than my father and he always treated her with love and respect. What your WH said is no way to treat a wife, age difference or not.

When he got married to you, he didn’t say “...until death do us apart or a YouTube video says otherwise “.

I suggest you simply tell him: he’s free to go pursue other women, but not as your husband. He can go swallow his red smarties all he wants, and, in the mean time, you’ll be seeing your lawyer.

THEN: do the 180 (to reduce your pain), don’t do his laundry, his dinner or anything else. Sleep in a separate room.

If he changes attitude, let us know.

Post often, you will find a lot of support here on SI

[This message edited by ShutterHappy at 6:38 PM, June 14th (Friday)]

See a lawyer immediately after you tell him he is free to see whomever he wants but you will not be in an open marriage. He probably already has a GF and is trying to have his cake and eat it too.

Just let him go and find yourself someone who treasures you.

Sami, those videos he's been watching are no better than conspiracy theories. He's in for a rude awakening when it turns out that women in there 20s prefer men in their 20s and they care about settling down. He's setting himself up to be that creepy guy at the bar that women roll their eyes at.

See a lawyer. Get into IC. Take care of yourself. You deserve so much better than this.

[This message edited by nekonamida at 6:53 PM, June 14th (Friday)]

When I ask where he will find these young women, he said the ones that are naturally attracted to him and approach him will be the ones he goes for because alphas don’t chase women. Ihe vowed he will never chase another woman as long as he lives. I asked him if he was going to use our money (since he doesn’t want a divorce) to wine and dine them before sleeping with them. He looked at me incredulously and said, “Um, I’m an alpha male. I don’t need to pay to get women have sex with me. We will have a natural sexual connection. If I have to pay first, I’m a beta male. See??? You don’t even understand me!!”

I’m taking everyone’s advice and seeking counseling and I’m almost positive I will have to get a divorce although it’s the last thing I want. It’s a no win. Even if he reevaluates the open marriage thing because of a divorce threat, he will always resent being tied to me (he said the ball and chain of monogamy with me was like “jail”) and will probably cheat anyway.

Sami if my ws came home with that bullshit I would seriously laugh at the joke he is. Your man has become a total dick and by the sounds of it he wants you to sit at home while he tests out his new Alpha theory. I bet if he’s flooded with women he’ll be out the door and like wise if he’s left sitting around with no takers or not his kind of woman you will be there on the side as plan B! He knows you will probably reject an open marriage and likely not go find another male.

And how does that work with the idiot Alpha male if another Alpha is banging his wife? It sounds moronic and he needs to be shown the door.

If it wasn’t your true story it would be hilarious to read. I can’t believe he is serious. I’d even record his stupidity to play back at a later date.

Has he discussed this new found belief out in the open with his family and friends? I’d bring it up at family/friends dinner or something and see the reaction from others

If he wants to be this big Alpha male that’s fine, but he should be single.

Im so sorry you have such garbage to deal with. Please get and std test ASAP too.

He sounds like a bona fide nut! There is no way you can stay married to someone this off the wall. It’s going to drive you crazy and it’s going to damage your children. In this case I think you need to accept that he is gone and get a divorce and move on with your life. I don’t call this a midlife crisis I call this someone who has bumped his head once too many times

[This message edited by Cooley2here at 9:36 PM, June 14th (Friday)]

Sami, please trust us when we say that we've all been there. None of us wanted to get divorced, but one of the hardest things to accept is that nothing you do can make your husband change his mind and revert back to the husband you knew.

There are, however, things you can do that will either make it easier or harder for him to continue behaving this way.

1. Expose to all your family and friends. They're (most likely) going to think he's just as bonkers as everyone else on this thread. Hopefully you'll get much-needed support, BUT it also makes it much harder for your husband to spin the narrative and somehow put the blame on your and/or tell people some neutral story like you two just grew apart and are going to coparent as friends.

When I ask where he will find these young women, he said the ones that are naturally attracted to him and approach him will be the ones he goes for because alphas don’t chase women. Ihe vowed he will never chase another woman as long as he lives. I asked him if he was going to use our money (since he doesn’t want a divorce) to wine and dine them before sleeping with them. He looked at me incredulously and said, “Um, I’m an alpha male. I don’t need to pay to get women have sex with me. We will have a natural sexual connection. If I have to pay first, I’m a beta male. See??? You don’t even understand me!!”

THIS IS NOT SANE! THIS IS NOT NORMAL!

No. Call up your parents, his parents, siblings, his best man at your wedding, whomever. Practice stating the facts, "I'm concerned about Mr. Sami's mental health. He's been watching "red pill" propaganda and has announced to me that he plans to cheat with 20-something women that will fall all over him offering sex and not expect him to pay for dinner or drinks or anything in return. As sad as I am, I obviously can't stay married in this situation. Since you're his mother/brother/such a trusted friend, I thought you should know the truth. I am still very concerned about his well-being but as he's obviously fired me as his wife, it's no longer my place to worry about him while he chases after young girls for sex. I hope you'll keep our family, especially the kids, in your thoughts and prayers."

I’m taking everyone’s advice and seeking counseling and I’m almost positive I will have to get a divorce although it’s the last thing I want. It’s a no win. Even if he reevaluates the open marriage thing because of a divorce threat, he will always resent being tied to me (he said the ball and chain of monogamy with me was like “jail”) and will probably cheat anyway.

2. We absolutely understand not wanting to divorce, but your husband sounds like he's living in his own reality. I used to describe it as "there's an alien wearing my husband's skin, because this isn't the person I've been with for 10-years, this person is batshit crazy." Either way, (and I normally NEVER give this advice) PLEASE meet with at least three lawyers. ASAP. Compare their advice, see who you're most comfortable with, and then start the separation or divorce process ASAP. Your husband doesn't sound like he's living in the same reality that you are (or every other sane person is), so filing for divorce is either going to a. snap him back to reality and what he stands to lose, or b. he doesn't snap back to reality, but you mane sure that your assets and children are protected as much as possible.

Please... be careful. Check in and let us know you're okay. He sounds so divorced from reality, I would be concerned about what he might do if he doesn't get his way.

[This message edited by ibonnie at 10:05 PM, June 14th (Friday)]

Cooley2here absolutely nailed it. Your WH is insane if he truly believes this shit.

Ibonnie has given you great advice as have others. It would be laughable if it weren’t your WH and your life. File for D and hav as little contact as possible. He’s been inhabited by aliens. Expose him to all as ibonnie and others suggest. You need to get you and your children to a safe and stable environment.

Let your WH stand on a street corner with a sign: “Alpha male available for sex with young women. Please form a single file line to the right.”

Good luck.

[This message edited by fareast at 10:01 PM, June 14th (Friday)]

I would show him how an alpha female acts and kick his ass out so fast his head would spin. Tell him to pack his shit and get a lawyer.

He realized that I am too old for him and no longer bring any rush of excitement for him. He wants to stop suppressing his “alpha male” nature and pursue other women. But he says he does not want to divorce. He wants to stay married for the kids and for us to be a team together. However, he will NOT be monogamous from here on out. The sexual tension and novelty and excitement of being around other women is just something he needs on a “dna level.”

He told me to go get a hobby or find another man if I’m bothered by it.

What. A. Dick.

You should get a hobby? Yes you should, researching divorce lawyers and preparing to kick his cake eating, misogynist ass out of your life.

Sami I am so sorry. He is delusional and sounds too far gone. Do you want to wait hoping he'll snap out of it as he blatantly decides he gets to sleep with whomever he wants because you are too old in his book? Please don't listen to that shit for a second. Do you want to risk your health and possibly your life and hope he's using protection when he screws some skank? Get yourself checked because with brass balls like his you can bet he's already been cheating. He's just so arrogant about it now that he feels he can take it to this ridiculously cruel level. He is forcing you into an open marriage, and that is abuse. Of course he's being nice. He's getting what he wants, the wife at home and the self anointed freedom to cheat on you. Wipe that smile off his face Sami. He needs a very large, cold, hard dose of reality. Slap him with it right between the eyes.