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Well, the AP worked for my husband for about 5 years before the A started. He never mentioned being attracted to her. Honestly, I was stunned. I never felt any threat that he would be attracted to her. She was just average.... I say average, but I would call her homely and dumpy for the time I knew her. Well, she is tall with very big feet and she is buck toothed with a receding chin.... Brunette. Green eyes. I am a petite blonde with blue eyes. He made a big deal about her being a beautiful brunette. I think before the A she began losing weight. She had 3 very young children (twins). I think her twins were like two. The other child was the oldest but still very young.

I believe she is the one who decided to ruin what we had. I saw something in the way she was watching us at a party. I think there is a possibility her BS was running around on her and she wanted to get him back or just destroy what I had...

She began hugging him and getting him to talk about his feelings and telling him how smart he was and asking if she could help him with things and if he would teach her.... One day she apparently lingered after hugging him. I think we had a fight that morning and he was upset and she picked up on it and he ended up kissing her. He said it was if she wanted it. He apologized and then she said it was ok. The next time he had come in to work, she came in and "laid one on him" when she got to work.

Never would I have ever thought he would ruin his family for someone like her or anyone for that matter but especially not her. It doesn't seem like there was any instant attraction, but who really knows? I would have to believe a lying cheat....

My WW met her PA, AP about a month before screwing him. He knew exactly what to do and say to her to get what he wanted. She was terribly weak. She was also in two EA's at the time of her PA.

At one point, she planned a b-day party for EA1, invited EA2, and PA guy was there too. I said to her once, wow, you must have loved that, three men you are screwing or emotionally cheating with all in the same room. She didnt understand what I was getting at, still doesnt.

My WW knew her AP at least 50 years before the A. They were high school sweethearts and reconnected at their 50th high school reunion.

They had met only once during those 50 years, for just a few hours (and in my presence). Then, after 45 years of our strong marriage, they began an email correspondence about their forthcoming 50th reunion. I fully (and in hindsight, foolishly) trusted her and did not accompany her to the reunion which was 600 miles away in another state.

After the reunion she became increasingly cold and distant in bed. Troubled, I finally broke into her email and discovered a yearlong, romantically intimate correspondence between her and the AP.

I have since read about a lifelong bond often imprinted in the brains of adolescent sweethearts. Google something like "Reconnecting with first love while married" and you'll see what I mean. An article in Discover Magazine maintains that traces of brain circuitry established during adolescent love can remain even after one has bonded with someone else as an adult. "If that person was your first, best, or most intimate, the mark is even more indelible. Such preferential encoding in the brain is one reason why stories of people reconnecting with a high school or college flame are commonplace."

So I and other BHs and BWs whose spouses have reconnected with high school sweethearts are victims of a "pre-existing condition" -- romantic psycho-biological adolescent bonding

Moral of the story: Never let your spouse attend a high school reunion without you.

[This message edited by SeventyFour at 8:54 PM, October 11th (Friday)]

Zero minutes. I win. He picked her off of a buy a whore website. Never met her before he fucked her.

After 16 paid nights over 6 weeks, he professed his love for her.

Cripe, it took well over 8 months at least before he told me that.

That realization hurt.

[This message edited by Tallgirl at 10:27 AM, October 12th (Saturday)]

A few years. They were coworkers. All it took was one email. Apparently she had a crush on him for years.

He met her at a club meeting on a Sunday morning, picked her up and took her with him to a different club meeting on Tuesday, she came to the house later that week to "talk" (I was out of town), and that's when I believe the EA started. He slept with her for the first time a few weeks later. We had been together for 32 years at that point and he threw it away for some POS he barely knew.

My fwh’s AP was his first everything. They met in college and dated for around 2 years. Tossed around the idea of marriage but were never engaged. She went on to grad school and he went to medical school in different states. The relationship drifted (I guess.) My husband married a classmate kicking Lisa to the curb. (This becomes a theme in her life.) Both my FWH and his first spouse end up not far from each other in CA. Lisa becomes a nuisance in marriage #1 but not an affair. Husband divorces wife #1. Lisa and my husband then become besties. For the next 7 years she does everything possible to get my husband to cross the line. Then I show up. Lisa the bestie is beside herself that I might end up married. She pleads with my husband to not marry me. Well 4 months after meeting me, guess what? We’re married. The bestie even gets an invite and comes to our wedding. In fact she’s such a good bestie that we get her a room at the Ritz Carlton where we got married. My husband, at the time was so over the top in love with me I never gave the BFF any thought. At the time I did not know about the phone conversations going on about her begging my husband to not marry me. He swears that in his naïve brain that he believed they were just friends. He says now he sees that it was not a platonic relationship for her and he fed into her clinginess. That what he did was inappropriate and he’s sorry. (Btw for all in R that piece took well over a year to finally get through to him)

For another 4 years I endured her paging him, he finally stopped returning her calls. She stopped calling when I threatened her.

Well thanks to the Internet she tracked my husband down. All it took was a sexy email and the phone calls and texting began in what was an A. One month later they were having sex. In his case “trying” to have sex. By God they took a second run at sex because he was determined to destroy our marriage, swear this is a true story...yes by having sex with this former leach he believed somehow an easy divorce would drop from the sky. He’d have the strength needed to end our marriage. After all I was scary and couldn’t ask for a divorce. This is all bullshit. Amazing what they tell themselves to justify getting their peepee satisfied. Getting the ego kibbles that they so deserve.

Anyway the skank chased him for 40 years. She hates me because she believes he belongs with her and I denied her the chance to be his wife. There was a good 20+ years before he ever knew me to have that relationship. Talk about screwed up.

1-2 years worked heavily together initially then dbe moved jobs and les contact, he claims they got more flirty when she changed roles and worked together less. Go figure? Then during A they coukd go days or weeks without seeing each other in work and even longer without talking A related.

Doesnt sound like love ot even lust at first sight. I think he only noticed her when he felt dissatisfied and generally started looking.

[This message edited by Tentwinkletoes at 11:16 PM, October 11th (Friday)]

AP gave us a quote for the bathroom remodel in July. Started work in September. I found the first flirty text in October. A was full swing with dates and making out by December.

Before we ever met. Apparently he hit on her sister the night the sister met her husband. AP and xWW are married now. Presumptively he's the love of her life.

AP#1was his supervisor. I shouldn’t call her AP. She turned Cheater down FLAT when he asked to fuck her

AP#2- he met on a work trip. She was stationed at an Air Force base in Idaho, we were in Texas

AP#3- he culled her away from the rest of their classmates, but didn’t start bumping uglies for a couple years (perhim). She says they were humping in their cars from the beginning

cOW started working in my husband’s department in January. He came home and told me a hot waitress just started and he thought she liked him...I joked “well how could she not? She’s only human...” (an ongoing joke we used for most of our 16 year marriage). I asked him why he thought she liked him and he said she was a bitch to everyone except him. My first thought was “Who starts a job and acts like a bitch to most of her coworkers?”

Husband wasn’t sure exactly when it crossed the line but he remembers the ice and snow was melting so I figured April. That’s when he started going with her to walk her dogs. Took our dogs once but her dogs attacked mine and he had to lie why our big dog was bleeding. Blamed it on his best friends dog which resulted in my refusing to watch their dog anymore since the “attack”.

Husband confessed to “falling in love” with a coworker in July after 6 weeks of fighting and threats of separation. Claimed she didn’t know how he felt so I assumed my husband was a little off his rocker due to depression and sleep disturbances he’d been experiencing. He made it sound like he was “crushing” from afar - claimed no contact beyond smoke breaks and work. He agreed to NC other than work related interaction and I agreed not to kick him out.

A month later, I catch him trying to hide his phone while on a family vacation. I demand the phone and learned he white washed his emotional affair and they were still in contact and she was advising him how to lie and get around my suspicious boundaries.

I asked hubby for a divorce and spent the next month laying out how his new life would look. She had a boyfriend she’d been cohabitating with for 9 years plus a side boyfriend for 6 years. I thought he’d enjoy being part of her stable of penises. I’d ask him “if she had kissed you during your dog walk trysts - how would you have made sure she’d brushed her teeth after blowing one of the other guys?” she also had 3 teens who were out of control...drugs and rebellion. I asked him how he thought family dinner would look like with those poor kids who’d seen man after man come through their lives. You know - throwing a bit of reality into all that unicorn-farting-skittles shit.

The only reason it wasn’t a physical affair was because she didn’t need to put out to get what she wanted. He was already hooked and buying her drugs and driving her home and walking her dogs. After the big dday when I put my foot down and laid divorce on the table, she started demanding he tell her in person. I told hubby “This is your chance dude. She’ll probably let you feel her up if you go. She needs to get you on the hook and reel you back in...she wants her Loyal lap dog back. Are you sure you don’t want to go? It’s your big chance ...you’ve been waiting for this for months!”

She kept butt texting him ( ) and sending cryptic texts followed by “sorry wrong person”...and it was causing so much stress my husband changed his number. He returned to work after a 6 week stress leave (taken to help me with my emotional breakdown and put distance between him and her.) when he returned she tried talking to him about how controlling I was and he shut her down. He talked to management to rework the schedule to limit contact and she left his department within the year.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 9:48 AM, October 12th (Saturday)]

T/J

(an ongoing joke we used for most of our 16 year marriage).

Sassy We did this too. Also joked about his “girlfriend” if there was a late night spam call or text. One of the things I hate about the A is that I still think those thoughts, but they trigger me. Sucks. Same thing happens when I’m feeling unattractive or insecure about a body - I used to say “You are stuck with me, or I’m the only boobs you’ll be touching, you have to like them!” Now I think them and it triggers me. Now there are facts that exist that make all of those “jokes” painful.

End T/J

1st AP was someone he ran into after office party waiting for a taxi (not from his office though) she kissed him that night and he went along for a minute before ending it and running away. Couple of weeks later she hit him in linkedin and from that message started the affair. She was an experienced AP Lasted about 4-5 months before he ended it, because it was wrong...

2nd AP 9 months later - they'd met a few times in our son's hobby. Then he texted her for something stupid, 4 weeks later they kissed and 2 weeks after running around like a teenagers I found out.

1-2 days.

He was a drunk lonely, first time leaving the country and hoebag was his bartender.

it lasted 3 weeks overseas, then he hopped a plane home the first opportunity he got.

Now she won't leave me the fuck alone. I don't know how many social media accounts I've blocked from this bitch and her friends. Now she's contacting my in-laws.

Sassy We did this too. Also joked about his “girlfriend” if there was a late night spam call or text. One of the things I hate about the A is that I still think those thoughts, but they trigger me. Sucks. Same thing happens when I’m feeling unattractive or insecure about a body - I used to say “You are stuck with me, or I’m the only boobs you’ll be touching, you have to like them!” Now I think them and it triggers me. Now there are facts that exist that make all of those “jokes” painful.

End T/J

I agree TX. Firstly, my husband certainly doesn’t say things about other women liking him (I assume because he has boundaries now). But I’m no longer flippant about infidelity. Can’t afford to be I guess!

Years. I can't tell you how long but at least 15 years. Her grandmother babysat our daughter....he worked with her Mom and her.

Her MOM babysat me as a child.

her Mom suggested she 'go for Mr. Dragon'

Her MOM. let that sink in.

Her Mom told her to go for my hubby bc he was a good dad and worked hard...he'd be a good step daddy to her kids.

Right nice little family there, don't ya think?

They met in the Sept, the emotional affair started in October (mostly led by the AP at this point), they started bumping uglies in the January, I found out beginning of February. He talked of leaving his family for her then. So four months to unravel and destroy a ten year relationship (eight of those married) and the safety and security of small children.

Looking at it like that makes me feel sick, it also really shows just how crazy, I mean full on bonkers, out of their mind’s weird those type of affairs are.

Like the vast majority it burnt itself out. He ended it with the AP (full of self disgust and self hatred) she got together with a new guy a few months later, she’s having a fine time, we’re trying desperately to repair our broken family while separated.

Affairs suck. They really really suck!

AP #1, less than 2 weeks. We had been married 15 years ar this point. She worked at the office of an business he was helping remodel. She was a mom with 2 toddlers and had a much younger husband at the time. He told me he had never thought of ever cheating on me be for that point. I think she had the hot contractor fantasy. First had sex with him on a freeway cloverleaf.

AP #2, not exactly sure. She shared a sport with him. She is very homely and I was never concerned. After the affair started, she also hired him to help build her new home.

AP #3, about 1 day, but she had been anold GF from college. She had cheated on him back then. She came to our town 3 hours away looking for him after after 30 years.

After the first A, the others were easy. Who else but another cheater is going to help you not feel bad for being a cheater.

WS picked up the OW .. she was handing out flyers for something .. WH stopped to talk to her invited her for drinks .. became dinner and that started a PA evolving into an EA . DDay .then OW called and back to EA evolving back into PA .

This relationship lasted 18 years .. the first year they saw each other a lot .. during the EA after D-day they maybe saw each other a few times contact was thru a pay phone until he got a second phone .. that took the A back to PA too they saw each other about 2 or 3 times a year for 2 to 5 days each time .. he flew her to different locations that we vacationed at saw her in the mornings .. while out for a long walk . Or after I fell asleep .. he was restless so didn’t want to disturb me .. flew her to our home state and she was here at a motel while I visited family .. he was on the phone with her every day .. text messages were I love you can’t wait to see you miss you

Since recent DDay .. WH has been totally forth coming about all information about A he has no idea of a timeline. He just told me what happened and where ., asked for a year to prove to me he is changed and totally dedicated to fixing our relationship. Time will tell what happens..