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Your post resonates with me today. I have been dreaming up things I want to say (and do) to the OW. Nothing that would get me arrested, just make me feel better. I have written many letters to her (unsent) just to release the anger and hatred in my heart for her. It is still there, but with each letter (unsent) it releases more and more pressure.

This is affair season for me.

In the end, she doesn't deserve any space in my brain. She is a worthless piece of sh**.

I get this:

In the end, she doesn't deserve any space in my brain. She is a worthless piece of sh**.

But in the end, she did have a space in my brain, and my feeling was, why not let her FEEL some of that space in my brain since she had it any way. I guess I didn't take much solace in the whole "Don't let her know or give her the pleasure of knowing you think about her." She fucked my husband, many times...she damn well knows she has space in my brain so I didn't care to pretend that she didn't.

And IMO the worthless POS was my H. The funny thing is, she never has occupied that much space in my head - the email was actually addressed to her and my H jointly.

You say the other woman was crazy but

She threw me a baby shower ! Just trying to insert herself into my life.

Does that seem sane to you?

she also deserves your wrath

Yes, except that's not what is going on here. There is no wrath directed toward the CH, the person who really matters. Being angry at the OW isn't going to get GGT out of infidelity.

She sounds like she is garbage. and I bet it would feel so so awesome except she probably wont' care. total agree maybe the text could go to the OBS...

Why don't you post an awesome pict of you and your WH in lovey dovey mode on social media. Maybe have a subtle middle finger wave...

You can keep doing this for as long as you want.

If you do this, please wear sparkly bitch boots - to add that little bit of umph!!

This woman is immune to shame. It will fall on deaf ears.

My usual inclination is strict NC with the OW. But I think there is more latitude if she was a close friend of yours(threw you a baby shower type friend). She betrayed you as a friend after all.

But many OWs thrive on any attention good or bad. Think about it this way... would you normally talk to $h1t stuck on the bottom of your shoe? APs are nothing and should be treated as such. They hate being ignored.

As for anger being misdirected many of us are capable at being angry at multiple people at the same time. Just because we are angry with the AP, doesn't mean we aren't also even more angry with our WS.

[This message edited by whattheh at 11:51 PM, December 5th (Thursday)]

Inform her husband. See an attorney. Pack his bags.

I cannot imagine how you are managing this emotional turmoil with a newborn. Please ask your family and friends for some help. Rest is important.

I felt the same way about the mow, but realized my wh was exactly the same - he chose her over being with his kids too.

If you send it, I can guarantee you will not feel better. She’s immune to feeling bad about what she did, and will do whatever she needs to do/think/say to continue to not feel bad. You would just be a tool she used to justify herself.

Honestly guys , I’m driving myself insane thinking about this. My thoughts are scattered and I feel all over the place. I really need to do the 180, not to save my marriage but to save my sanity. I can not keep brooding over this.

I’m going to try to stop obsessing about ow and Wh and what they are texting each other. I’ve got to do something for me. Not sure what that looks like yet.

I won’t contact ow. I’ve blocked her and her family on social media.

[This message edited by Gottagetthrough at 6:00 AM, December 6th (Friday)]

Does OW have a husband and if so is he aware of this affair?

Inform her husband. See an attorney. Pack his bags.

I cannot imagine how you are managing this emotional turmoil with a newborn. Please ask your family and friends for some help. Rest is important.

Yes to all of this.

Now, first, congratulations on your new baby!

Second, your husband is a douche and you do need to implement the 180. Hard. And you’re going to need to make some tough decisions soon. If he’s having an EA...not good at all...and if he’s TT-ing you about it...worse.

On the attorney part, you may also want to ask your attorney to send a Cease and Desist letter demanding NC in any form (one step before filing a TRO) and send copies to her husband. With her medical records, this shouldn’t be a problem to establish the need for a TRO.

Please look out for yourself. I’m sorry you’re going through this. This should be a happy time where you can focus on your baby and not deal with this crap. Sending strength.

What’s a TRO? Restraining order?

Wh and she are lawyers, know every cop in the area, etc.

Also, I don’t think I need a restraining order against her. I don’t think shes the problem. It’s Wh.

I just need to stop thinking about THEM. Wh has shown me he cares nothing about me. It’s hurtful. So very very hurtful. But it is. So I have to accept that and move on with 180 and get into IC.

[This message edited by Gottagetthrough at 6:32 AM, December 6th (Friday)]

Does her husband know?

I don’t know what her husband knows

I just need to stop thinking about THEM. Wh has shown me he cares nothing about me. It’s hurtful. So very very hurtful. But it is. So I have to accept that and move on with 180 and get into IC.

this is good advice you just gave yourself gotta. you can do this..

GGT, please, implement the 180. You've got the right idea about it. The purpose of the 180 is to help you detach emotionally so that you can see things more clearly and make rational decisions. It is not meant to have an effect on the CP. It might, but that's not the purpose of it.

You may find that not every lawyer and police officer where you live is an ally of your CH. Just because he knows everyone doesn't mean he's liked by everyone. If you have to, go out of state for an attorney. Many hold whatever it is they need to practice in several states.

As for anger being misdirected many of us are capable at being angry at multiple people at the same time. Just because we are angry with the AP, doesn't mean we aren't also even more angry with our WS.

ITA. I am not one who tells other BPs they shouldn't be angry at the OP. I get that anger. I lived it for quite a while. Absolutely, feel and process that anger toward the OP!

The problem in this sitch, if you've been following the saga, is that there isn't any anger directed at the CH. It seems to all be directed at the MOW. That's why I say it's misdirected.

We need to get GGT fitted with some bedazzled Doc Martin's!

"These boots are made for walkin', and that's just what they'll do. One of these days, these boots are gonna walk all over you."

I'm happy that you are concentrating on yourself and detaching and moving forward.

Your WH's behaviors and words are concerning. Things like him telling you that you will not divorce, he won't move out, and taking your phone to text the OW are extremely controlling and aggressive. The concern is that the behaviors will continue to escalate leading to physical violence. I'm not familiar with BP or BPD. Maybe they are part of the cause, but the behaviors are there none the less.

I think it would be a great step to make arrangement with your house to insure that you can kick him out if needed. You mentioned seeing your old attorney, and I think that's a huge step. There is also free legal help in many larger cities.

I confronted the AP in my situation.

It made me feel great, I got things off my chest and made me realize how weird and dumb this chick was. She had the nerve to ask me WHY I told her BH!

Seriously.

I let her and my FWH know exactly what I thought of them...and their lying. It may have made her feel important but it also made her realize that I would stay silent and I didn't care if they lost their jobs, the respect of their peers or anything about them.

It is not for every one though. Each situation is different.

You may find that not every lawyer and police officer where you live is an ally of your CH. Just because he knows everyone doesn't mean he's liked by everyone. If you have to, go out of state for an attorney. Many hold whatever it is they need to practice in several states.

This! If he's a local attorney, he definitely has some enemies. There will be plenty of local lawyers who know him but are happy to offer you their services and fight for you. You have options. You don't need to let fear rule you and make you believe that you are helpless and hopeless.