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I don't like it - a deadline is a deadline and at some point it will have to be enforced. I get you do not have the 3K, but if there is any way you can scrounge that up and that gets her gone = Bargain!!

Great idea though - contact your attorney - Likely the threat of losing any amount of the 3K will get her and her stuff out of there ASAP!

Figure out what amount of space her furniture is taking like 8'x10', call a couple of storage companies for an estimate of like space..maybe do it by email so you have it in writing, give her a 5% discount & a) either tell her upfront what you're charging her by the day, or do it on the backend of your supposed $3K.

I do agree with the others that you can't get blood out of a stone & you should query your atty if you can get the judge to amend the orders if you supply the statistics, oh & any other evidence that would show your wife is quite capable of supporting herself @ the current time.

Then too, you can nickle & dime her, as long as you're making an attempt you aren't exactly violating orders either.

Good luck!

personally I think the deal is fine. Sure if would be great to not have to pay 3,000 and have her out on her butt today but... legally that's not going to happen. I saw how stressed you were at the amount of money so quickly so if this helps you out... who cares if it also helps her out.

If you stuck to having everything out today... its not going to happen regardless...same as 3,000 by the end of the week.

Good luck

She moved nearly everything out on Thursday. A couple of things left that she wants to get later. I change the locks and began cleaning the house. Wil move my new stuff into the house over the weekend. It was a little strange coming home to a mostly empty house. The relief of knowing that she is gone and will never be back in the house was a relief.

I made the second payment yesterday. Also met with the court appointed child advocate and he will talk to the kids next week. This was a bit strange as you really don't know what they will recommend and what action the court will take. I'm comfortable that my kids will want to spend at least half the time with me and most likely more than half. My Stbxw is working hard to spread the rumor that I'm trying to take the kids away from her completely, Not the case but I do want more than half time.

My Stbxw is working hard to spread the rumor that I'm trying to take the kids away from her completely, Not the case but I do want more than half time.

She is just doing damage control incase she doesn't get 50/50....(in her mind)it would be because of you, not because of anything she has done. You also said that she is all about appearances... I'm sure she is worried about what other mothers will think if she gets less than 50% custody.

In reality the kids will do much better with you. More stable parent (mentally, financially...) Same house, room environment...and from what you have written you've been the most consistent parent (homework, activities, sports...) I really hope the advocate sees this. I wonder if they kids have co-dependency issues (trying to care for Mom).

At one point you were saying the kids were with you about 90% of the time... is this still true?

Glad she is out of the house. Things will get much easier.

Did she seemed surprised that she wouldn't be able to come and go...and stay at your place when you were away?

[This message edited by Freeme at 8:08 AM, August 13th (Saturday)]

Divorce is expensive because it's worth it

Congratulations mblink, as much as the financial hits hurt I think getting her out of the house is going to be a great step forward for you and the kids.

Whoops, lost your thread. Congratulations & hopefully you and the kids are starting to settle into the peace & quiet. Don't stay a stranger, let us know how things are going :)

I bet you and the kids are enjoying the peaceful house! Will what the kids want be taken into consideration with the court?

So WW is out of the house completely and back at school working. Kids are back at school, OM will not be teaching them PE correct? Your court date is less than a week away?

I'm guessing with school back on you will be seeing a lot more of OM and OBS. Are they still together? Do you think your WW is still with OM?

I'm still floored that your WW would lose everything just so she didn't have to talk about her affair. The 3,000 was a small win considering what she is about to lose...

Good luck

Just checking on you, blink. Hope things are looking up!

Several things to update.

The pressure from my Stbxw and family took a toll on my DD. She told the court appointed attorney that 50 50 would be best right now. This came after some pretty extreme pressure from the other side. I'm not sure what the attorney will recommend but it looks like 50 50. I did not try and persuade the kids to chose a certain level of time. Just provided them a stable, as possible, enviroment and hoped for the best. The other side sent texts, calls, had sit down discussions that even went as far as telling the kids that she wouldn't be able to get the house she has rented if child support was changed.

Stbxw is back at her old school in her new Hyundai and still living with her mom. She has moved her stuff out of the house and it is in the basement of her new place. She is supposed to move in there sometime this month. She has put a good face on things by telling the kids and others that she is so excited to be beach teaching.

OM is still a teacher and a coach at my daughters school. I went in to get her schedule and was prepared to make a scene if he was to be one of her teachers. He is not so there was no need. He is still with his wife and I understand they have begun attending a new church and he is heavily involved. My son and his son are still friends but not the level they were prior to the A coming out.

My kids start school next week, we did have a freshman orientation last night. OM was not at the school. My Stbxw was and ended up sitting completely alone. No one, and I mean no one, went over close to her. I walked in and saw her, she smiled in an attempt to get me to come over there. I elected to stand in the back of the hall and was pleasantly surprised at the number of folks who stopped to speak to me. It was telling that several lady friends of hers came in later and spoke to me but did not acknowledge her or make a move to be in her area. Afterwards, she walked with DD around the school to find her classes, I spoke to some other people and left the building. It looks to me like she was being avoided by the other women who we knew. Maybe that is wishful thinking but, none of the people we knew went over to speak to her. People did speak to her, mostly people who know her mother.

I am not sure if they are still together. Gut tells me they are still in contact but I am not checking into it. If the OBS is not looking over his shoulder I would bet they have contact. Even though they teach different levels they could attended similar events leading up to school. They still belong to the same health club, they were bother still off for the summer, etc.

I have paid half of th $3000 with another $750 due today. This is the biggest disappointment, the 3k has created a cash flow issue for me. I have asked to be reimbursed for school supplies, doctor visit and eye glasses that I have covered during the summer. All of this, in my opinion, should be taken into consideration.

We have a court date Monday at noon. It is the initial hearing and........ If we have an agreement in place it could also be the ending hearing. I am not sure the agreement will be ready by then. So it may drag out until we can get the second hearing.

The other side sent texts, calls, had sit down discussions that even went as far as telling the kids that she wouldn't be able to get the house she has rented if child support was changed.

Do you have documentation of this? It could be construed (by your attorney) as alienation of affection at worst, undue coercion at best. neither of which a parent should be doing.

has created a cash flow issue for me.

cash flow issues are just short term. I went through that (paying ex ~$4k/mo), and came out much better off financially in the end.

Just stock up on PB&J for a while.

I'm sorry to hear about the 50/50 and your WW way of "working" the kids. I worry that the kids may have codependency issues...always trying to "take-care" of Mom.

The best you can do is really document everything. How often they are really at her apartment, if she is missing appointments, when they are late for school, how often she is late for pick-up from activities... These were major issues in the past when you were married. Don't let her get away with them when you are divorced.

Do you know if the 3,000 will come out of your final payment? If so, she isn't looking at getting much once the divorce is final... Try to focus on that, as you tighten your belt this last month.

Hope it's over soon. Thanks for the update.

OM is still a teacher and a coach at my daughters school. I went in to get her schedule and was prepared to make a scene if he was to be one of her teachers. He is not so there was no need. He is still with his wife and I understand they have begun attending a new church and he is heavily involved. My son and his son are still friends but not the level they were prior to the A coming out.

How nice. They all run to church after don't they. Bet that won't last long.

Initial hearing today. Weird set up since I didn't even go in the court room. Wait in the hallway of the courthouse, of course MIL SIL and her uncle were there for her. My sister and BIL were in town so they stopped in to stand with me for supoort. Lawyers met with the judge. A basic agreement is in place. 50/ 50 and I pay her what she is owed for half the house. The only hang up is...... We are on a temporary 50 50 deal with the kids. The kids will meet their lawyer again before November and let himknow how things are going. If the kids are happy with 50 50 it stays and we are divorced kb November 3rd. If the kids want a change.... It can be changed and we are divorced. That's it. No spousal support child support just as i was told. The 3k I have paid her comes off the house money owed.

She demanded the kids begin the time with her today, which was stupid. She gets 4 days to start. Stbxw birthday is Saturday and you would think she would want the kids... Nope

We got out of court at 2 and she wanted to puck then up at 430. No reason. Guess what she didn't pick them up. mIL did. At 6 DS calls to see if he has to go to soccer practice. No one to take him. Still hasn't seen mom. This is how it starts and how it will be. I can only hope the kids get tired of it by November.

So.... Exactly what I expected but nit exactly what I wanted.

One last thing.... Her family knows the judge pretty well. That is why they all showed up. The judge told the lawyers if this is a contested divorce I will nit hear the case. I know them and it woukdnt be right. Boom

Your kids will get a belly full soon enough. Let your stbxw deal with it.

I wouldn't be the white knight to the rescue.

Then you can step in for more custody.

[This message edited by Marc878 at 7:13 PM, August 22nd (Monday)]

Just keep your mouth shut and move forward as was planned. Your daughter got played for the fool. She will figure it out soon enough. Stop worrying about what you can't control. Just concentrate on what you can. You are getting free from a cheating spouse. Your kids will figure it out eventually. Stay strong.

Sounds like the judge did the right thing.

I'm glad your S and BIL were there somyou didn't have to face her tribe alone.

I feel for your kids. It would be so hard to verbalize that I would prefer to spend more time with one parent over the other, even if it was obviously true. The guilt of hurting a parent would be too much for me. Just keep supporting them and let them know you love them no matter what. That will be something they remember.

Even the judge doesn't want to deal with them. He doesn't want to have to deal with them "texting, calling, coming over for discussions" to get their way. If he knows them well, then he knows their shit.

I learned long ago, people can't turn this on and off, if you think someone is (selfish, arrogant, manipulators, etc. - fill in the adjective), then there are a lot of people who feel the same way about them.