SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

toopol,

I really hope you are rigth about herall this time until her last trip.

I still believe she is not a bad person but a broken one, thats why she felt in love with a total stranger after a couple of weeks, then was in limbo about you for 2 moths of false R, and in the second trip dumped you to explore a relation with OM.

What makes me believe that she was on the fece all this tume was her lack of effort to fix your relation. And then in matter of hours after breaking up with you she takes all back and tryed to fix everyting by doing all rigth just a couple of months, and sex sessions with OM, later. IMO OM dumped her and you are plan B. Tjats th only explanation to her change of heart.

BTW OM is far from a gentleman...he is a POS, let me elaboreta.

He seduced a broken girl talking aboud undaying love after a couple of weeks, infected her with an uncurable STD, (considering he didnt contacted her while in the states) in the first chance he had have sex with her again and promissed love again, and after a few days all his love turned into wishing her to be with you for good....a player 100%.

She was played, but she knew it and just saw what she wanted. She got a second chance and was numbed wishing to be with OM, untill hz dumped her for good with a life reminder (herpes).

In the CC ask her to come clean about OM, contact, if he dumped her and her wishing to be with him while wirh you.

Sorry for my words, I rrally hope to be wronge.

Good luck

Double post

[This message edited by Mrhealed at 1:25 PM, June 20th (Monday)]

There's about 20 lbs of crazy in her 10 lb bag. You dodged a bullet toopol. I am sorry for your pain. But there was much more pain in your future had you not split.

I still believe she is not a bad person but a broken one

Even if this is true, so what? Whether she's 'bad' or 'just' broken, SHE IS NOT A SAFE PARTNER. Period.

toopol, I say this with a bit of lightness -

I hope for every counselor payment you're giving, you're setting aside an equal amount for *you.* that way your counselor isnt' the only one able to take a fabulous vacation off your ex-gf's infidelity

DeadMumWalking and Bigger had it 100% right:

why isn't her number blocked already? Block her number, set her ringtone to silent, remove her and block her from all social media and lock those down tight.

Move on already. Prolonging this isn't doing you any favors. The less contact with her the better.

Did you talk to the landlord about getting out of the lease?

Ditch the counseling session. There's no point in going. The counselor has a vested interest in you showing up and paying money to talk. And truth be told, if your therapist was really impressive, she would have told you two to go your separate ways a long time ago. I can't imagine wasting time and $$$ seeing a therapist when you're just dating. Sorry but relationships should be easy before kids, mortgages, elderly parents and layoffs. You know why the therapi$t keep$ you around.

A thought. If you decide that you are going to keep this counseling session, why don't you use the first few moments to run through the Clint Eastwood speech, and then walk out the door. Let the counselor deal with the meltdown. That's why they get the big bucks. And immediately block all forms of communications from her that you can. Go complete NC. You may have to face some shit when you're with your friends or at the first games that you go to if she shows up and wants to make a fuss, so be prepared with the "You chose to screw someone else, so leave me alone, or I will file harassment charges against you" speech (or however you want to word it), turn away and ignore walk away if necessary.

You seem like a really, really nice guy, and I mean that in the best sense of the word. A gentleman who anyone would be lucky to have as a friend. However you are probably going to have to channel a Don't Give Me Crap attitude to shut her down as quickly as possible, or have a lot of your time with friends being ruined by the banshee waling away in the background.

Just got caught up reading and you posted something about trying to get her to read or post here (several pages back).

So does she know about this site?

or just an infidelity site in general?

If so she's most likely following your posts.

I wouldn't post too many specifics on what your plans are.

Best of luck to you...you do seem like a really great guy and she is going to really regret it later on more than now.

So does she know about this site?

or just an infidelity site in general?

I didn't say the name of the site, but she's savvy enough to find it if she wanted too. So, hey, if you're reading this, please let me know!

I'll be a little more discreet with the details of my whereabouts and plans.

she's savvy enough to find it if she wanted to

Well if she IS reading this she must be pretty fucking stooooopid if she hasn't figured out that YOU DON'T WANT HER ANYMORE. Jeeeeeezzzzzz

Please respect yourself and leave her now. The apartment, the "stuff" is all replaceable. Why are you hanging onto sorting out things? She has shown you how much respect she has for you......NOW show her how much respect you have for yourself! I know it is difficult, been there too. Get out, find peace, go no contact....think about yourself for a while.....Trust me it will be the very best time you have ever taken for yourself. Trust only your family and best friends looking out for YOU!

Rather than letting you know - and contacting you again - she should instead bring it up in her own ic on why she's seeking you out online when you've made it clear you're done.

Toopol, I assumed she was reading this. In your other thread you seemed to avoid all the really tough questions and painted her in such a wonderful light.

I guess you're an even nicer guy than I thought you were 😉.

Hang in there, you are doing just fine.

Have read this thread and the original. Didn't comment because it was pretty obvious from the start where the situation was headed despite all the great advice, over-analyzing and head planting in the sand.

Sounds like you finally realize this relationship is not sustainable and your girlfriend is not wife material. You really did dodge a bullet.

I think you should consider blocking her phone and email at this point. And if you're going to do it at a later time don't warn or threaten her, just do it. If you're not going to block either one at this time then you just shouldn't contact/respond to her.

I also don't see why you need the couples counselor anymore either if possessions aren't really an issue. Any logistics when it comes to making a clean break should probably be handled on your own and not include your ex. She's most likely just going to make it more difficult for you guys to split. And if it must include her, then it should be at a minimum.

People with mutual friends break up all the time. You guys aren't a celebrity couple who need to put out a statement to the press. Tell your friends you guys broke up, and you can tell them as much or as little as you want and leave it at that. If she tries to lie about it, bad mouth or turn it around on you then you always have her emails confessing to what she did.

It sounds like you guys are going to run into each other from time to time. It's going to be awkward at first but that's all it needs is time. Not coordinated planning with a couples counselor and a rule book for post break-up activities between mutual friends. Just use some common sense.

[This message edited by JS84 at 4:35 AM, June 21st (Tuesday)]

Is CC today? Over the phone right?

I just found a Skype video message from last night. And it's two minutes of wailing and pleading and tears falling down her face. Again, I'm stunned by how little it changes my mind when I first see it. But more than anything else she begs me to "just talk" to her about it and not shut her out, so that makes me think that any opportunity to talk to me (including the counseling session) would not be good for us at this point.

I see more damage being done (to you as far as emotional pain and her as far as begging and hope) if you go through the cc.

I think saying no CC sends a clearer message that your relationship can't be fixed then going to CC... Unless you are prepared to be brutally honest to a point of meanness at CC she's going to misinterpret what you say... and a whole new round of begging will ensue.

The only way to truly end this is to enforce NC and stick to it by not "talking it out". TIME is the only thing that will get through to her. Nothing you can say will make seeing each other at parties easier... you just have to deal with it when it happens. You can't say.. I still want to be friends to her...because she will interpret that as you still care for her and she has a chance to win you back. Most anything you say is going to give her hope.

I'm also wondering why you would have another session with her.

Make it a clean break, you are both adults, there isn't anything else to discuss.

No CC session. For the same reason you aren't responding to her e-mails.

Take what you think is your fair share of your joint property. Make a list of what you took. Document....just in case.

Take pictures of the whole place after you move your stuff out when you are leaving, and give a copy to the landlord. This will show exactly what property you left and the condition of the apartment. This will prevent her from claiming you took more than you did, or blaming you for any damages she causes to the apartment (probably less of a concern if it's her apartment because she probably put down a deposit).

Then leave the apartment, continue to have no contact with her for a period of time that is right for you. Block her e-mail address. Block her number and texts. Continuing to read her messages/emails and listen to her voicemails will be unhealthy ego-kibbles for you, IMO, and make it harder to move forward with re-establishing your identity without her as your partner.

Continue with individual counseling for yourself. I still recommend finding another counselor, despite liking your current one. You can inform and build rapport with another counselor very quickly. Staying with you current counselor will continue to be a connection to your ex, IMO. Lots of good counselors out there.

You are a damn good man. Stay strong brother.

Hm. Well, just after I woke up today, I had some messages from the counselor about appointment rescheduling. Apparently my girlfriend scheduled a solo session for today, and the counselor offered to move our couples session to the slot immediately after that. I agreed, but I told her that I only wanted to talk to my ex-girlfriend about logistics, then hang up and continue talking alone for the rest of the hour.

Then I logged on here and read 4 more posts in a row vehemently arguing against any CC session. Ugh.

I think this could be helpful, though. Again, the counselor and I are totally on the same page with "this will never ever work" and "the quicker we move on the better". So if my ex-girlfriend is just coming out of an hour of such coaching, that might be the ideal time to talk to her about logistics (hopefully for just 10 minutes or so) and then hang up. At least I hope so! If it turns into begging and pleading and "just want to talk"-ing, I won't stick around for it.

Only you know what you need to heal. While this CC appointment will definitely rub salt in some wounds, it may provide some closure in other areas.

Everyone's main concern here is no new pain for you, but we don't always know what is best for each individual's healing process. On top of that, despite knowing from experience what is (most of the time) the better course of action, does not mean that we expect you to do it all easily, no questions, no falters.

If you feel like you want to do this, then do it. We will all be here to help you process what happens.

Good luck today! I pray it brings you something you need to continue healing.

ETA: I'll spare you #7 until after the session today, but I think you know what it is

[This message edited by StrongHeart at 10:56 AM, June 21st (Tuesday)]