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Thanks again all. I am actually sitting here working out a parenting plan in regards to all I could get out of WW last night. It's by no means 50/50, it's probably around 70/30 in my favor as logistics and our roles in the kids lives even when we were married really dictated that.

I'm really trying to be fair to both her and the kids while not making it a logistical nightmare. She has to be at work before they go to school and works on the weekends, as I work from home and have an extremely flexible schedule along with that.

Pain in my ass

Her: Honestly I'm not sure I would be willing to do those things at this point. It's not completely off the table but it's not completely on the table either. I'm sorry to say that.

That answers your question, doesn't it.

What Freeme said I agree with, now she trying to negotiate her way back into her old world, complete with OM. She forced this issue on him and he backed away, leaving her hangin' in the breeze.

It's your call, dost.

you should not have to do all the work as far as the parenting plan but... I understand why you are.

I'm really trying to be fair to both her and the kids while not making it a logistical nightmare.

Visitation at your house should stop. It might be easier but it's not healthy for you, and it's not going give you a good idea if the parenting plan is working prior to divorce. Include who picks up and drops off and don't do all of the driving.

When you give her the new plan tell her that you would like to begin it now and that if she has changes let you know what they are before -----date otherwise you will assume it works for both of you.

I would try to have all meeting via email from now on as in person doesn't seem to be very constructive. A paper trail of what was said will be beneficial also.

She has told me she is trying to get her own place. I agree that having her here 1. Does nothing in terms her seeing how it all really works.

2. Does nothing good for me.

Agreed on the email correspondence as well. Also, I'm putting it together because I am the one who will actually do it and do it based of logic and what is really best for the kids, rather than emotion. I can check that at the door and I've already made some concessions I think work for her.

WW is in for R as a second option. Play cool and fast before she turned vindictive and start hating everyone beginning with an outburst against POS when she lose all hope.I think most of her grief still is because of POS dropping her after the intense two moths. There is no way she broke up with him after those two months. Sad thing is this heartless POS is going scot free

[This message edited by goalong at 2:44 PM, June 9th (Friday)]

I thought WW moved out.

I strongly advise adding due dates to the parenting plan. "As of --- ---- your visitation needs to start happening at your new apartment. Having the visitation here at the house isn't healthy for either of us emotionally. The kids see this and it's not good for them either. Let me know if this is going to be a problem.

I know you are trying to keep things calm for an easier divorce but she is going to stall and not do anything for as long as she can. My guess is that as the due date approaches you might see her take some action toward reconciliation.

Has the OBS asked that you NOT contact her?

WW did move out. She's been living with friends. She told me she's looking at apartments the other day.

I'll give her some timeframes.

I emailed her a revised parenting plan yesterday and she took the kids for a couple hours. I told her that I emailed her and obviously no response yet.

She's now taken to texting me at night and in the morning.

Last night she texted me to check in about what she was doing and who she was with.

Looks like she has her own standards for showing she is working towards R. Are you firm on D? Then the texts like this is an irritant to you. Again play cool since there is a thin line between wanting to get back and turning vindictive. How many friends she has to live with them for so long? Did she ever want to come back after the letter to you

[This message edited by goalong at 8:53 AM, June 10th (Saturday)]

She's never asked to come back home. Not once since she's been out, not before the letter. Not after.

She lived with one friend and her husband for about a month and then they had a baby. Now she is with another couple who she lived with for about a week way early on when a little after dday.

She just texted me asking me to send her her resume and all that stuff. WTF

Last night she texted me to check in about what she was doing and who she was with.

Too little, too late. JMO.

This is very confusing to you Dost. Which is not good for your closure.

Naturally yo have some room for R.

She senses that and keep it alive by doing the minimum and sporadic things.

I THINK

*she is still emotionally with POS. After two months of giving in you can expect that. That is why she does not ask to move back.

*Like others say it may be the reason she want to hang around the job.

*POS still can manipulate her the way he wants.

* she sees you as a safety and love/like you as a relative.

Think about the POS timeline. It matches with the period OBS was not available sexually. It is sad WW did not have the discipline as well as marriage commitment to see that. worse she got emotionally paralyzed.

You need to get a firm resolve. Do you think you can get in to her mind set by asking seemingly unrelated questions like beginning with telling WW that OBS told you not to contact her anymore because they are working on the marriage.

If WW is still f'up in her mind and taking in to account her total alienation of you and kids it is better to try to be firm on D.

[This message edited by goalong at 10:47 AM, June 10th (Saturday)]

"* she sees you as a safety and love/like you as a relative."

I'm sorry if this is true.

I don't want to hurt my STBXWH either.

I still "love" him as the father of our children.

I don't want to be married to him though.

She doesn't have her own resume, she is asking you to send it to her?

Remember she is in a temporary living situation, and likely does not have all her files from the family PC.

I think the message about the resume was a good thing, the way it's nicer that it's sunny today and not raining. It takes about zero time and effort to ask you for that. But it's better that she did it than she did not.

So remain very cautious.

You should have a list of things you want to consider even trying to reconcile. One is for her to leave the job. Not ask for a resume, leave the job. I caution not to accept any less than you want. If you accept for less, she will let you have less.

At this point, it's still all about her and what she wants. Asking for a resume, by itself, looks very weak. "LOOK AT ME! I'M DOING WHAT YOU ASKED!

Now can I get what I want and stop the divorce?"

Not really, she is not doing what you asked. You asked her to leave the job, not ask you about a resume.

Does she really want the marriage and end it with other man (for her own benefit) or does she want to have the marriage AND the other man? You cannot know her mind, heart, and motivation. You can only go by her words and actions, mainly her actions.

Do you have her resume, and she does not have her own resume? No matter, give her the resume, and then continue going about your day.

She does not have it as it's on our pc. I sent to her and She said she's going to apply for a job can't guarantee she will quit hers. Sorry not good enough.

Then flatly, and unemotionally, tell her that it is not good enough. All-in.

Given the fact you allowed your wife to move out and conduct her affair, she correctly suspects that you do not want the divorce.

What she is doing is negotiating terms of your surrender.

At first she offered simple we will not speak about personal things. Changed that to a kind of NC to now I will consider looking for a job.

She is well aware that you will take her back, she just wants the best terms.