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Not sure what state you are in, would seem to me that if the children are living with you, what child support?or, are you referring to spousal support?

Not sure what state you are in, would seem to me that if the children are living with you, what child support?or, are you referring to spousal support?

I guess any sort of support. I would think FOC only cares about the children in this type of circumstance, as that would be the only urgency that might require immediate intervention. And if I had been the one who moved out and left her with the bills, then I think she would have a point. But since she left and all kids are home with me, I'm assuming none of that would apply. If anything, seems like I could potentially go after her. But she's taking advice from her biker buddies so who knows. Guess I need to call my lawyer.

As a dad who *won* custody, she (XW) had to pay me.

Yep, the FOC will only be concerned with what is *in the best interests of the children*. Given your circumstances, that sounds like you as the custodial parent.

File asking for custody and support ASAP. Also, exclusive use of the marital home.

Before she does.

Once she moves out you can change the locks, even if she‘s a co-owner of the house.

What you would want – just to be safe – is her written confirmation that she’s moved out. It could simply be a post telling when she’s moving out, a timeline confirming she’s moving out or any other form of documentation from her where she states she’s moved out. If she leases another residence then wait a couple of days after she gets delivery and then purchase new cylinders. Remember to get a dated receipt showing you purchased the cylinder after she moved out.

The key (pun intended) is to not forbid her access. However once she’s moved out she has comparable rights to access as a landlord. You can demand to be on-site and to provide her access without giving her a key and she can’t dwell.

It’s good to have in mind that IF this ends in a messy divorce then the judge will be favorable to fairness and reason. It’s always good to follow any offer you make that is fair (and/or any demand she makes that is unfair) with an e-mail outlining the offer and the response.

For example: “I think it’s best for the children that I have them x and you y. These are the reasons for why I think this is the best way; 1-2-3. I hope you see that your counter-offer that I have them A and you have them B isn’t reasonable or fair. My offer stands and I hope you accept it”.

Minimize the drama. Remain firm but fair. Do this and the (impartial) judge can become your best friend!

Don't be surprised if occasionally you'll still have twinges and remnants of feelings for your wife. It's a roller-coaster so it's possible that the feelings will come back a few more times before they're gone for good.

Try to file ASAP! What's the status on that front?

Best wishes!

Bigger, at this point WW HAS moved out. A lot of her things are still here but she hasn't spent a single night at home in weeks. I don't have any written confirmation saying she was going to do it, she just left. She does plan on coming over soon to get the rest of her things. Do you think that having her on video moving stuff out would be sufficient proof? The other possibility is that she mentioned last night she was planning on changing her mailing address. I guess that would be plenty of proof but not sure how I would get a copy of the address change confirmation. Maybe that's where an attorney could help with a subpeona or something.

Hobbes, very insightful as always. Yes, I already had a couple of twangs of emotion this morning. Not nearly as strong as before and I can shake them off a lot faster, but still there. I guess it's progress. Sort of sad that I can actually feel myself letting her go, but also relieved to have the pain getting less. And I am coming around to a viewpoint where I actually do feel sorry for WW. I look at her and see how wrapped up she still is in all this mess and know that she's got such a hard time ahead. While I have been gradually detaching and healing, she is still completely immersed in her fantasy. It's very odd to start seeing it from a new perspective. Maybe I shouldn't care at all, but it's in my nature; I care about people and hate to see them suffer. But above all else, I plan on protecting myself and my kids, regardless of how much she suffers. I do pray that she eventually finds it in herself to get some help and snap out of the fog.

Has she FORMALLY moved out?

Is she renting another residence?

Think there is a signed lease?

Have you seen rent-transactions on your accounts?

I think NC is your best bet but in order to get a statement from her to confirm that she’s left then consider sending her an e-mail that requires a reply on some issue that’s relevant to her not being there. For example:

“I haven’t seen Child A red shoes since you moved out [or some rarely-used item that she knows where is stored]. Do you have any idea where they are?”

If nothing else then her reply gives you some form of confirmation that she doesn’t refute having moved out.

Also one thing to remember: You changed locks because you “lost” a marked key and were afraid of a break-in. Right?

Has she FORMALLY moved out?

Is she renting another residence?

Think there is a signed lease?

Have you seen rent-transactions on your accounts?

Not sure what you mean by FORMALLY moved out. She left, took a few things and hasn't been here in weeks. We discussed it on DDay but nothing in writing. WW is currently living with OM in a trailer park. He pays lot rent and I know she is helping with that, but she is not on the lease. Regarding the locks, there's only 1 primary entry door and funny enough, the handle is actually somewhat broken and occasionally sticks so I was planning on replacing it anyway. Thanks for the advice on my "lost" key.

HA, sorry to have you here. Here are my thoughts:

I think you know that this is over and that your wife is a serial cheater so there is not much more to tell you on that front.

You will never have the complete truth on what all has gone on much less why.

You can however, focus on protecting yourself and your kids and improving your wellbeing.

So attorneys and self-healing (180, the gym, improving appearance and counselling) are the order of the day. Focus on these and less on her.

You make her transition to her own place as painless as you can, man. Rent the fucking truck for her if you have to.

It will make the upcoming festivities much more pleasant for you if she "abandons" the marital home.

Take advantage before she gets coached otherwise.

So attorneys and self-healing (180, the gym, improving appearance and counselling) are the order of the day. Focus on these and less on her.

Thanks Lamancha. Not sure if you read my entire thread but if so, you would see that is exactly what I have been doing past few days. There is no focus on WW, other than where it involves protecting myself or children. As you said, serial cheater over past several years, with more and more details coming to light as I reconnect with old friends. I've got ZERO interest in ever wanting to be with her again in a M. In fact, I pity any man foolish enough to get involved with her, because he's just asking for the same kind of trouble I'm digging out of. I'm forced into a co-parent relationship or would likely cut all ties permanently and completely.

It's still not easy, in spite of all I know, to truly let go but I'm to the point my head is controlling my actions and not my heart. It's a good place to be. I'm going to be just fine. My ultimate revenge will be living a happy, fulfilling life w/o WW. And as everyone keeps saying, I hope that I eventually reach a point where I simply don't care one way or the other. It won't be about revenge any more, will just be about me being content.

It will make the upcoming festivities much more pleasant for you if she "abandons" the marital home.

Take advantage before she gets coached otherwise.

Thanks CM. I just spoke with WW on phone today and she confirmed she is changing her physical mailing address at the post office this week. Even in spite of my warning that it could cost her my insurance coverage. I can only assume that she has not actually sought out professional legal advice, because as you said, it isn't going to make anything easier for her in court. So after the PO mailing address change, don't think I'll have much trouble proving she abandoned the home.

Not much new to report. Spoke to WW yesterday on phone for a few minutes, about coupons, of all things. She's really feeling the pinch of her new budget and finally having to find ways to stretch a dollar. That had always been my job, and funny enough, was one of her big criticisms, that all I cared about was money. Guess she's seeing now that yeah, money is sort of important. I normally would have wished her luck and hung up but she actually had some coupons I needed and we ended up splitting the cost of a giant pack of paper towels, which helped us both save a couple of bucks. The conversation was mundane but pleasant. I don't know, is that a bad idea? I don't plan on making it a regular thing but seemed innocent enough and I haven't heard anything else from WW today so don't think it was any sort of devious plan. Maybe her way of trying to stay connected to me somehow. But it didn't bother me emotionally so guess I'm fine with the idea if it's a once in a while thing.

I would go into protective mode. First with the kids, then the accounts.

Tell her how close to her you feel comfortable staying to her.

She is gona fall, I think. She will probably want you to pick her up. That is going to be up to you.

Good luck, it is painful for you I know.

I normally would have wished her luck and hung up but she actually had some coupons I needed and we ended up splitting the cost of a giant pack of paper towels, which helped us both save a couple of bucks. The conversation was mundane but pleasant. I don't know, is that a bad idea?

You've done so much, so right, in such a short period of time, I hate to nit-pick you. LOL.

Yeah, I think it was a bad idea, but if that's the worst you've done lately, you're doing great.

I wouldn't do the coupon clipping, sharing bargains things with my XWW, here's why:

She wants to be friends with you, clipping coupons, talking nice and friendly-like, because if you are friends, that means she's not a lying, cheating, coward.

For me, I don't give a fuck if it costs me more. I don't need her for anything. Never did.

Thanks everyone. Responses are as I expected. Think I'll probably hold off on doing that sort of thing again, at least for a few months. Need to make sure I'm totally over her, the roller coaster has come to a complete stop, and she no longer has any delusions that I'm still her safety net if/when things fall apart. It's something I might consider again a few months after D is final and I've moved well beyond caring and reached indifference. I don't see a problem with it as long as it doesn't hurt me emotionally.

And unlike some stories I've read here, I don't have any intentions of avoiding WW the rest of my life, or cursing her under my breath when I catch a glimpse. I want to be able to be in the same room at a kids event and still enjoy myself. Not saying I wanna be best friends but at least be civil to each other. So if we share a coupon down the road or split the cost of a family size bottle of detergent, I'm not going to lose any sleep over it. Appreciate the feedback as always.

And unlike some stories I've read here, I don't have any intentions of avoiding WW the rest of my life, or cursing her under my breath when I catch a glimpse. I want to be able to be in the same room at a kids event and still enjoy myself.

Me too, brother. This is exactly how I feel, and I'm pretty sure we'll get there.

So did you call her or did she call you about coupons?

Regardless, next thing you know she starts talking about her day the next phone call. Then it's asking if you've been seeing anyone lately. Then it's reminiscing with you about special time between you two in the past, chuckle, giggles. Then a "Hey, do you want to have lunch together sometime?".

Next thing you know she's igniting an EA with you.

That's why I kept it only texting with my XW. Any time she texted me those things above she got crickets.

Maybe the slippery slope is there, maybe it isn't. Idle chats can be like idle hands. The conversation gets boring until one of you throws out the "would you let your spouse fuck someone else for a million bucks?" feeler for pushing boundaries.

Notice that I'm not suggesting one out the other.

You will get a new SO someday. How do you think she would feel when she finds out that you and X are couponing? How would you feel if you discovered the same about the new SO? Let that be your guide going forward.

Think hard about whether you want a friend that treats her husbands the way that she's treated you.