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I know nothing about burner phones. Are you able to activate the card you found and track use? Can the card be switched to his regular phone? Have you searched for the actual phone? Do you care at this point or has he totally blown his second chance? Now you can insist on a poly and watch his reaction carefully.

I’m so sorry. Just hurt and angry for you. I thought you were one of the lucky ones.

FWIW my H “ended” the A with a 73 minute phone call.

I was stupid enough to believe it was over.

Six weeks later it resumed.

Sorry for you but a secret phone he never informed you about is not good!!!

This sets any trust or progress waaayyy back.

I'm so sorry, Ladybugmaam. I hope that you can get some space to figure out your next steps. I'm devastated for you.

Oh man, I'm so sorry to hear that Ladybug.

So sorry LBM, like others I was really pulling for your WH.

So I typed up this long reply but thankfully went back and re-read your post.

It was activated two days after d day.

You have your answer, sorry, he NEEDS to prove NC. Unfortunately even if he fishes out the phone, it’s ruined and unusefull.

Is there anyway to get into the account to see message history? Never used a trac phone so have no clue. You probably need to get into Investigative Tips forum.

ETA: they are demonstrating some advance cheating skills. A) BE VARY cautious with your internet trail, you don’t want WH finding this place and knowing your moves. B) this usually is due to experience, either WH or B’s WW has done this before.

[This message edited by DeWittle at 9:43 PM, March 19th (Tuesday)]

I’m so sorry Ladybug.

Any healing done in this short time is ripped to shreds with this kind of discovery. Sadly, finding out about broken NC is very common. It cuts so deeply when they can do this after watching the pain the BS suffers - to watch our devastation and still reach out the the AP??? It’s inhumane. However - it’s very common.

I found out a month after dday that my husband maintained NC for less than an hour. It’s why we caution that despite the tears and promises and declarations of love from the WS, stay vigilant.

I’m sorry...whatever your next steps may be, we support you. You’re never alone with this when you have SI. We’ve felt your pain and fear and disbelief.

Oh Ladybug, my blood is boiling for you. I'm so sorry.

Ugh.

He wants you to believe this was just some little mistake he made right after DDay, but who needs to purchase an entire phone to make one phone call? So he is lying to you right now about his intent. And if he's lying to you right now about this, what else he is lying to you about? Almost certainly about how long he used it for as well.

This is unfortunately incredibly common. The affair bond is an addiction and most people do not quit it cold turkey. These are people who were weak, selfish, and immature enough to have an affair in the first place. They're not going to wake up and demonstrate self-discipline and good decision making the next day.

If you are willing to see if reconciliation is still possible, I'd strongly consider a polygraph. Even if you're half-bluffing, his response will tell you a lot.

[This message edited by swmnbc at 9:48 PM, March 19th, 2019 (Tuesday)]

He wants you to believe this was just some little mistake he made right after DDay, but who needs to purchase an entire phone to make one phone call? So he is lying to you right now about his intent. And if he's lying to you right now about this, what else he is lying to you about? Almost certainly about how long he used it for as well.

This is unfortunately incredibly common. The affair bond is an addiction and most people do not quit it cold turkey. These are people who were weak, selfish, and immature enough to have an affair in the first place. They're not going to wake up and demonstrate self-discipline and good decision making the next day.

If you are willing to see if reconciliation is still possible, I'd strongly consider a polygraph. Even if you're half-bluffing, his response will tell you a lot.

I'm just quoting this again because it was everything I was going to say. It's possible that he's stopped talking to OW now - but I doubt you'd go to all the trouble of buying a burner phone for one call. Unfortunately, even with all the sobbing he's done - he's still been lying right up until this second.

Polygraph him.

They usually allow 3-4 questions.

Do you still have a method of communication with AP?

Have you had physical contact with AP since D-Dy?

Have you had sexual contact with anyone other then AP or LBM since you have been married?

A good examiner with experience in infidelity will help you refine or suggest other questions.

Stay strong, you are not alone.

Any healing done in this short time is ripped to shreds with this kind of discovery. Sadly, finding out about broken NC is very common. It cuts so deeply when they can do this after watching the pain the BS suffers - to watch our devastation and still reach out the the AP??? It’s inhumane. However - it’s very common.

I found out a month after dday that my husband maintained NC for less than an hour. It’s why we caution that despite the tears and promises and declarations of love from the WS, stay vigilant.

I’m sorry...whatever your next steps may be, we support you. You’re never alone with this when you have SI. We’ve felt your pain and fear and disbelief.

Yes, this. It is so very common. The ‘madness’ is still upon them, the responsibility/ guilt/ sadness they feel for the distress of AP is not unusual; the arrogance of once again assuming they control what information everyone, especially the BS, gets is the of course the converse to any humanity they think they are evincing in the contact, it’s very cruel. But of course, they dress it up as protection; protection of themselves is at the core - protection of their good image in the eyes of AP, to themselves, whatever. It’s self- deception as well as deception to the BS and the family.

Actions not words are what count.

Demand he gets tested for STDs. When he balks that it was safe as she was a family friend, tell him you don’t know who else she was sleeping with. Regardless of anything, this should drive home his complete lack of responsibility for your health on top of everything else.

[This message edited by Edie at 4:35 AM, March 20th (Wednesday)]

Why would he remove the SIM card before throwing away the phone? It suggests to me that he was just using his normal phone and changing over the card whenever he wanted to speak to MOW. If his phone is fairly new it may even allow for dual SIM cards. No need for a burner you just switch accounts on the phone.

I would try inserting the card into his phone to see if there is any history attached. Only if you want to of course, I understand that may be a step too far for you to recover from.

Take care of you (and your son) whatever you decide to do.

He didn't remove the card, from what I can tell. What I found was evidence of a $25.00 burner phone....a card from the phone company with a PIN to activate it. He cannot or will not produce the phone or sim. I've checked with the phone company and I'm unable to get a call log without the phone. This phone is disabled or at the bottom of a pond and has been for enough days that the company won't be able to retrieve anything without pinging the phone again.

I'm not making any major decisions today. I thought I was a lucky one too.

What else do I need to know here?

Seeing MC again tomorrow. I'm so disgusted I can't look at him right now.

This is another dday. The consequences need to be big.

Polygraph. Really. You need one.

Maybe he needs to be tossed out of the house for awhile. At the very,very least, he should be removed from your bedroom.

You mentioned,at one point, that you felt they were still in contact because of the simultaneous NC messages, and other things they were saying to you and OBS were matching up. Your gut is on point. Trust it,not him.

He didnt buy the phone for one call. The OW's actuons,and words,reek of a woman still involved in her affair. Your husband was just better at putting on an act than she was.

[This message edited by HellFire at 7:35 AM, March 20th (Wednesday)]

sadly, you are now at dd #2.

def look into a polygraph and start the 180. you got some good advice: move him and his stuff out of your bedroom. this sends the clear message that you are no longer living in his infidelity.

have you heard from obs?

BS ONLY

[This message edited by SI Staff at 7:04 PM, October 14th (Monday)]

Dear Ladybug, just wanted you to know you are not alone as far as being married to idiot assholes. My husband was one of those, who seem abundant on here, that thought he was smarter than me. He was for quite a while, but it wasn't a fair fight since I totally believed in him. Even after dd1 I couldn't fathom the man he actually was, with the one I trusted and thought I was married to.

I found a picture he sent her 3 weeks later. His secret email sent notifications on our home google page. Luckily wasn't x rated but the damage was done. I kicked him out of the house for a few days and ,unknown to him, with an empty wallet and no phone. Nothing like a long night alone in your car to do some soul searching I guess. That was 2 and a half years ago, still a work in progress.

BS only

[This message edited by SI Staff at 6:52 PM, June 5th (Wednesday)]

I'm sorry. I know how devastating this is. At this point, I too would demand a polygraph and consider creating some distance from him (either physical or emotional).

Personally, I would halt MC as well. MC has to be earned and for people who want to work on their marriage. They can't do that if they're still actively lying. Tell him to go IC.

I'm sorry. I know how devastating this is. At this point, I too would demand a polygraph and consider creating some distance from him (either physical or emotional).

Personally, I would halt MC as well. MC has to be earned and for people who want to work on their marriage. They can't do that if they're still actively lying. Tell him to go IC.