SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

okay, what's up with the delay. Do you think he's trying to compose himself? Maybe.

He's probably at work. Hell, most of us are. OPPS!! Did I write that? back to work, back to work.

Thinking of you today

I am sure we can all remember exactly what it felt like the moment we had positive, irrefutable proof in our hands of our spouse's A.

Even though Onions knows the answer already, having to actually face the concrete evidence (like the lab report) is going to hit him like a ton of bricks. My heart hurts for him, just thinking about it.

If that is what has happened, he is dealing with so much right now, and he has his daughter to worry about at the same time. I'm sure we'll hear from him soon.

He just may not be ready to deal with all this just yet.

Let's just all send some positive thoughts his way, and hope he somehow knows he's got so many good people concerned about him and waiting to support him whenever he's ready.

That's what I'm thinking emptyheart. All I or anyone else can do is pray.

Sorry...I haven't forgotten about you guys. It took longer to get away to the lab. I just got back. Aaaaand.....

It's NEGATIVE.

I don't know what to think or feel right now. I think I need a drink and a long walk.

Thanks so much for all the messages of support. I'll be back later once I process things in my mind.

Chopping, like many, I have been reading this thread since Day 1. I’ll just say that you know deep down what is really going on and if you wanted to confront now, you have the tools to do so. However, I definitely understand wanting irrefutable evidence. I’ve been patient for the last few months still trying to get something that can’t be disputed. Hang in there, and know that you have lots of support here!

A negative does not mean they didn't have sex. Condoms might have been used. Remain balance and keep digging.

OMG! That's the last result I would have predicted. Now you go back to square one. Chit!! Never thought I would say "sorry" to a neg. DNA test. Have a stiff one for me too, I can't. Another chit!!

I think the emails (especially the one she signed "kisses") and the nightie are quite enough to confront her with. I am looking at all of this from a woman's perspective.

I have been on enough business trips of my own, and I never took sexy little nighties with me unless my husband was going to accompany me. What's the point?

I also never corresponded with any of my male colleagues by signing my messages "kisses".

Combine that with the way she guards her blackberry, etc.

If it walks like a duck.........

Wow...okay, I'm sorry I think? Because now you probably feel more confused as ever. I would just say, stay vigilant and I'll be joining you in that drink in a few hours!

Well that is an interesting result then. Hmmm...

Really glad it was negative. Now to get too the bottom of sexy lingerie on an outing without the husband? That one has me stumped. I would wear nice undies and bras but not sexy lingerie.

Sending you hugs.

You could call her bluff on the panties. Say that the "home test" showed positive for sperm. If she denies, tell her that you can send them to a lab for further confirmation. If she says "go ahead", then you know that perhaps "the undies" are innocent. As for the rest of the stuff, highly highly suspect!

When is the next time she's supposed to meet up with this douche rocket?

It might be best as this point to go ahead and hire a private investigator whenever you know they're going to possibly be together. It may be the only way you're going to find out irrefutable proof.

The other option would be to go ahead and confront. You know they're probably physically involved, and in any case the emotional betrayal is just as bad. If you really want to fight for your marriage, then start fighting. You could start demanding complete transparency and the other usual demands of BS's towards the WS's.

So sorry about all this. But I think another month of being super-stealthy like this is going to drive you completely bananas.

CO,

I wondered from the time you said those panties had a little blood on them what the test would say.....

It's possible she was on her cycle that trip and she had other sexual contact with him but not intercouse?

Also, I could see her rinsing out underwear in hotel sink if they were incriminating and then segregating them.

I still think you have plenty from the messages/emails alone.

Sorry.

Yeah, wow...wasn't certain what the result would be, but I admit surprise by a negative.

This is a tough one. Obviously something's amiss, but to what extent does it go? What option to engage next?

This might be an one:

You could call her bluff on the panties. Say that the "home test" showed positive for sperm. If she denies, tell her that you can send them to a lab for further confirmation. If she says "go ahead", then you know that perhaps "the undies" are innocent. As for the rest of the stuff, highly highly suspect!

But, if truly 'innocent' of PA and just guilty of poor boundaries, poor judgment, some marital disrespect, finding out you tested her garments in this way could result in some explosive anger on her part.

On the other hand, if in a PA, they both know there is the potential that their AP physically engages with others and some people in PAs can exercise some self-preservation against STDs by using condoms...bluffing might work?

I don't know...mull this new development over CO and feel free to toss your thoughts back to the board for our feedback. I'm also quite sure a few good ideas about what to do next will surface in this thread.

[This message edited by SomewhatWorried at 3:30 PM, April 21st (Thursday)]

CO

From my first post to you on this thread:

Then there is one hard fact you have to live with: It won’t get worse.

To put it bluntly: If your wife has given him 10 BJ’s to date then knowing they will be 15 before this is over isn’t going to be the big factor here. The emotional effort in keeping in the shadows while gathering your evidence will pay off tremendously. I think you NEED more evidence. Not to convince you or us – we all know whets going on. But you need it for those that don’t want to believe what’s going on.

This still holds true.

If you CAN I think you will be better off waiting for better evidence. If that’s too hard (and I can fully understand that) then confront with a bluff: Someone from the office phoned…

"someone from the office phoned" is a better bluff than mine (saying the home test was positive for sperm).

But, I think a little more investigating/fact gathering is the best bet, albeit difficult.

I'll bet in some strange way, you wished the result was positive...then you'd know where you stood. Even though I believe you know that she's been up to no good, you'd feel better yourself if you had something that left zero room for interpretation.

I hope you find that. I hope she is remorseful, and that your family has a chance to heal. Time, and her attitude, will tell.