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Just a reminder that regardless of what the lab comes back with, you still have the original checkmate results if you need to confront. As long as you can be sure something happened, she does not need to know it took a few extra minutes. The only value to the lab results is in making sure that she knows there is no point in lying to you.

Even if you do not get a "positive result" she will have a lot of explaining to do on the last email. Taking the nightie with her on the trip she did not want you to know about and "kisses" in an email?

I'm so sorry ChoppingOnions:

Hi, just wanted to say hi. How are you doing? Kisses

You must be feeling awful. When I read her email, I got a sick feeling and wanted to throw up, and it isn't even my WS saying those words to someone else...

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with infidelity.

"Kisses"

Are you comfortable with you wife sending kisses to another man?

Regardless of what the test results are, are you comfortable with sharing her kissses?

Obviously not, in a sexual sense. To clarify though, her background comes from a culture where kissing on the cheek is a more common greeting than in the western hemisphere, even among men. From what I can gather, OM's background is from a similar (but not the same) culture. This complicates matters greatly, since it can be explained away.

Just a reminder that regardless of what the lab comes back with, you still have the original checkmate results if you need to confront. As long as you can be sure something happened, she does not need to know it took a few extra minutes. The only value to the lab results is in making sure that she knows there is no point in lying to you.

It was actually only a few seconds, not even minutes. This makes me think that it was probably positive.

I got a PM from a nice individual who shared his experience testing checkmate with his wife. On the negative samples, he got NO purple color change at all, none, even after several minutes.

The lab that's doing the test does courtroom grade testing. They even had chain of evidence forms available if necessary in the case of legal proceedings (obviously didn't need those though -- information purposes only). The laboratory testing checks for a much more definitive chemical in semen than what the checkmate checks for, plus it looks for DNA (and the sex of the owner of that DNA).

I can't rely on the home test, since I have no other proof of PA. I am not forgetting the other evidence suggestive of an EA, however. If the lab test comes back negative/inconclusive, I will still have to deal with the other issues. I'd rather have more certain proof than stuff that can be gaslighted away, though.

Hiya CO! I, like many others, have been keeping up with your thread here. I have to say you're keeping your cool so very well.

I also wanted to ask if you'd heard from the lab as of yet?

I am so sorry for what you are going through.

Does she sign other professional/work related emails "kisses"? Just curious. If he is the only one she does it with, I'd want to know why.

Onions-

I also come from a background where it is very common and accepted to be affectionate with everyone - hugs, kissing hello, etc.

Having said that - As a professional woman, I have NEVER been physically affectionate with any man I have ever worked with, no matter how close or friendly our working relationship was, and I would certainly NEVER sign an email "kisses" to a business associate. Never. Not under any circumstances.

I really think that right there is a smoking gun. Sorry.

her background comes from a culture where kissing on the cheek is a more common greeting than in the western hemisphere, even among men. From what I can gather, OM's background is from a similar (but not the same) culture. This complicates matters greatly, since it can be explained away.

I too have familial ties to three cultures that do various types of kissing on the cheek, or touching cheeks and kissing the air.

Like emptyheart, I have never heard of professional relationships including the kisses, expecially not closing a professional email "kisses."

I remember a friend of my ex-husband (a foreigner, and we were living abroad) kissing me on the cheek as a greeting, and to say goodbye, and my sensing he did it in a "different" or "lingering" way. I told my exH about it once I realized the friend really was kissing my cheek differently. Ex told me that I was imagining things...that the friend was brought up the only boy in a house full of girls, so he is "comfortable" around women.

Well, the friend's kisses continued to be more affectionate/different than anyone else we knew, and a couple of years later, he made a very overt pass at me, which cost him my exH's (and of course my) friendship.

Trust your gut, don't let things get explained away. Even foreign cultures have boundaries in business and friendships. Remember, your W is the subordinate, telling her superior, "Kisses." He is not her brother, a family friend, etc. Her familiarity is way out of line for a business relationship.

She is a hard nut to crack. I wonder how she will act when you confront her with any evidence you have.

You are wise, don't get duped when you have the evidence right in front of you.

Believe me, despite the cultural aspects, I KNOW that this is inappropriate behavior. It's these communications that got me started on this quest to find out the truth. The EA aspects of this probably hurt me as much or more than the potential PA issues. But proof of a PA with concrete evidence cannot be argued with. The emails then become overwhelming supporting evidence that can fill in the rest of the puzzle, instead of circumstantial bits between "just good friends".

OK, shaking now...the lab called. Results are in.

I need to pick them up. I'll be there first thing tomorrow.

God this sucks. I think I'm gonna throw up.

Wish me luck.

I can't believe that they would call you, then make you wait until tomorrow to pick up the results! We are are thinking about you. Wish you the best.

Good luck my brother! Praying for you!!!!

You're in our prayers CO. Good Luck

Praying for you!! Hang in there!

(chopping)

OH man..........I'm nervous for you too CO..

Hang in there...

good luck.. please keep us posted

..man o man, i feel for ya tonight..don't expect you'll sleep much..

..couldn't they have given you the results over the phone, pos. or neg.???

..keep your shit together, you'll have your day and all of us in your corner..

smy

I've been checking in each night to see if you got an answer... I'm sure you must be going crazy. Good luck tomorrow... I'm hoping you get an answer that will give you some clarity.

Even if you have a positive result don't tell her how you now. She may gaslight you trying to explain it.

Just tell her you know. She's the one who has to tell you.

Whatever the results, we're with you.

Maybe take a sleeping pill tonight?