SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Oops. Double post.

[This message edited by StillStanding1 at 1:05 PM, March 16th (Friday)]

Hello, anon. Good to meet the new you!!!! Wow. You are really on track. Well done. Keep up that strength!!!! We are all thinking of you today.

Outstanding preparation and forethought. Strength to you and your children.

I have nothing constructive to add; just want to say I've read this from the beginning. I am sure you are a ball of nerves today; I'm thinking about you & interested to see an update once she makes it home.

Be prepared for her anger because you did not pick her up. Remain calm and control the narrative. Don't get her anger burn you. She will start by blaming you. Stuff that down with truth. Remember, you have proof and a plan. Still k to that plan.

Friend

She ended your marriage without notifiying you. Remember that. You are not ending it. She already did. None of this is your fault. If she wasn’t happy with life she should have worked through it with her life partner to affect change. Not betray him viciously.

Loving caring spouses do not run away with other men.

Let her know that you’ve gotten her message loud and clear that she no longer wants to be your wife and no longer wants to be in a monogamous relationship and therefore you will be proceeding accordingly with your attorney.

It will be interesting to see how she responds and what her excuses are, but you’re a strong intelligent man who now understands his worth and what he should require from his partner in marriage.

Good luck to you tonight.

Just had a nice talk with WW’s uncle. Her parents passed away at a young age so he is one of the closest relatives to her. I informed him only that this is the 4th trip to NZ in 12 months and that she stated it began because of suicidality. I told him he could figure out what she was doing there and it was clear he did (as my therapist put it 4 months ago, “you don’t fly to New Zealand to hold hands”). I asked her uncle to support WW through this tough time and he said his family would support and pray for us.

WW’s flight got delayed (United confirms this to be true) and she is stranded in LA. She now won’t return until tomorrow. On a sad note, my 8-year-old daughter randomly told me it would be cool if mommy lived in NZ so she could bring home presents whenever she visited. I told all three tonight that mom and dad might end up living apart and they started crying. When they calmed down they all told me they already knew. It breaks my heart.

[This message edited by anon789 at 6:30 PM, March 16th (Friday)]

As you've seen kids aren't stupid. Make sure they know this isn't their fault.

Tell them the truth in a sterilized way.

Children are always more perceptive then adults give them credit for. It is up to you to reinforce your love for them. You can say That WW will always love them too but they will see through her actions how much she truly cares for them. Continue being their rock in this time of turmoil. In the end as they age they WILL appreciate you more for looking out for them.

I have you in my prayers. Hoping that things will not be as bad as others are saying. Yet it is wise to be as prepared as possible. You have come a long way in this thread..... wish you well. Stay strong.

"I told all three tonight that mom and dad might end up living apart and they started crying".

This is the stuff that really breaks my heart. Innocent victims who's lives are changed forever.

These fucked up choices WW make that hurt these young souls is criminal. It PISSES ME OFF!!!!

Praying for your family anon.

Just had a nice talk with WW’s uncle.

I'm really glad you talked to someone on her side of the family. It's good you talked to the kids too. I'm sure that was very hard to do.

I don't have any idea what your WW will be like when she finally gets home. Please do not hesitate to call the police if she is violent in anyway. If she is out of control and/or is getting in your face or blocking your exit. If she is acting crazy in a dangerous way you don't want to leave the kids with her. Calling the police would get her out of the house and hopefully in with her uncle... and you wouldn't need to worry about who gets the bed.

As a move of caution, if your children have passports, take them to the office too, with yours.

glad to see you standing up Anon

Be prepared for tomorrow. Pivotal day bro

Best of luck tomorrow

Anon I just read your post and replying for the first time. Wow what a journey. I'm sorry this happened to you, yes you are in the club no one wanted to join, but I have seen people like you survive infidelity with the love and support from strangers on this site, you will get through this, we all do.

The one thing that really concerns me; in your early posts you said she was not always like this, could it be there is a jigsaw piece missing? Did anything traumatic happen to her that could have triggered mental health problems? Did she deal with her parents death or did she have post natal depression that was never treated. For a woman to have three beautiful children then say dreadful things about them is really odd (I'm sure you are the first to say that too).

There is no excuse for having an A but for all of your sake I hope any mental health issues are being treated, recognized or whatever. Just asking the question in case there is a chance for your marriage to R, as crazy as that may seem at this point.

Re your children they are young but they will know exactly what is going on. My 3 kids are grown up so when my H had the A I didn't tell them. They heard me crying in my sleep (apparently) they knew what was happening but their imaginations were far more vivid than the truth.

Not telling them was the worst thing I ever did. We are now dealing with an eating disorder, my daughter is in therapy and doing very well because we caught it early. AS a mum I tried to protect them from the hurt, but the fact is life can be tough at times, and the truth will always lead you to a better place. Please talk to them everyday, tell them you are sad and its ok for them to be sad too. Tell them your heart is breaking but most importantly tell them you will survive infidelity and so will they.

Sending you and your family lots of hope

Anon,

I told all three tonight that mom and dad might end up living apart and they started crying

This was not well played. I'm not sure what you thought you were trying to achieve. Do you think this was comforting to them? Don't you see how something as opened ended as "might" causes more anxiety rather than less? Think about it.

Morning Anon,

I’ve been reading your story the last few days and it is heart wrenching.

I hope that you’re able to send your children off to a friend or relative’s house for your wife’s return. It will likely get extremely ugly in ͏y͏o͏u household for the next few days.

Wishing you strength and clarity.

Hi again Anon,

Have you done a deep dive to figure out who the AP is and do they have a spouse?

It would be good to research that information so that you could be the one to tell the AP spouse before a different version gets told a shit ton of lies.

Anon, you really need to stop worrying about her issues, health etc.... She is screwing you over and all you do is worry about her. That is why you are losing this battle.

Your focus should be on you winning this divorce battle and making sure your kids are alright.

Everything else tells me that you aren't ready for the battle that will take place.

So what do you need to toughen up and prepare for it ???

Looking forward to an update, when you can, Anon789.