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ZenMumWalking ( member #25341) posted at 11:56 AM on Friday, January 10th, 2014
AD - sending you signing mojo, exchangeable for deposition mojo should the need arise.
Keep us posted, I hope the settlement nightmare will be over soon. 
((((AD & kids))))
Me (BS), Him (WH): late-50's
3 DS: 26, 25, 22
M: 30+ (19 1/2 at Dday)
Dday: Dec 2008
Wanted R, not gonna happen (in permanent S)
Used to be DeadMumWalking, doing better now
swizzlestick03 ( member #30102) posted at 1:27 PM on Saturday, January 11th, 2014
Hoping for a signed agreement with depos not necessary!
Me: BW-36
Him: WS-35
D-Day #1: 16 August 2010
D-Day #2: 16 January 2011
One smallish kiddo.
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 1:50 PM on Saturday, January 11th, 2014
Sending you signing mojo, AD.
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
Abbondad (original poster member #37898) posted at 2:27 PM on Saturday, January 11th, 2014
Congrats, you have done so well. You hung in there when it was so dark and awful. I hope this brings lightness into you life. You are on the road to your new life. Think back how broken you were, how she could upset you and make the tears come. Now you are so much stronger. You are taking care of you the best way you can. That is a gift also for your children.
Thank you for your kind words, Momentintime (and to everyone). I do think back on my darkest days, and am so very relieved that they are past me. My deepest fear was that I would always dwell in those. I still can't believe I have come this far.
Still silence from the other side. STBX and her attorney have the documents, approved by me; I am ready to sign. On the one hand, no news is good news. On the other, the silence is deafening and I am concerned that STBX, once she has seen what she agreed to--good a "deal" as she got--will balk and/or start making significant changes.
My attorney has communicated with hers and tells me HE is optimistic and confident that she will sign soon. I still maintain that he and my attorney have no idea whom they are dealing with. STBX is incapable of committing to anything (or anyone) and is unable to let go of anything. I really will be very surprised if she signs without demanding significant changes, changes that essentially undo much of what she agreed to at mediation.
Meanwhile, depositions have been rescheduled for this Friday. And trial is still set for the Friday after that. I am hoping this will put her feet to the fire. If she attempts to backtrack on our agreement, I will take this to trial. She will have, yet again, left me no choice.
(BTW, we were supposed to exchange witness lists at mediation. We had ours, but they had nothing. So we did not show them ours.)
It is not over yet.
Divorced April Fool's Day 2014
Fear is the mind-killer.Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.I will face my fear.I will permit it to pass over me and through me.-Dune
devistatedmom ( member #24961) posted at 3:47 PM on Saturday, January 11th, 2014
She didn't have a witness list because there ISN'T anyone to say good things about her! 
You are almost there dad. You know it, she knows it. As you said, even if she refuses to sign today, with the next 2 fridays on the docket, I really think she will have to sign something at some point, and you won't have to wait until some summer trial date. I mean, she wants what she wants...and she won't want to have to miss more and more time off work to do this.
You've got this. 
BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.
WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.
debbysbaby ( member #32962) posted at 4:04 PM on Saturday, January 11th, 2014
Dad, I bet your STBX is trying to figure out what the heck happened to her compliant, doormat spouse. She probably still can't believe she cannot control you anymore. You're doing great!
-betrayed almost my whole almost 15 yr marriage
-divorced since 2004
FaithFool ( member #20150) posted at 7:55 PM on Saturday, January 11th, 2014
Witnesses? Who's she gonna call, the OP, to testify to her awesomeness in bed? 
DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire
Abbondad (original poster member #37898) posted at 3:57 PM on Monday, January 13th, 2014
As I predicted, STBX is balking at signing what we agreed to at mediation. Depositions are on for this Friday, the trial for the following. My witnesses are being subpoenaed. I hope this will put her feet to the fire, but I doubt it.
Extreme stress again...
Divorced April Fool's Day 2014
Fear is the mind-killer.Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.I will face my fear.I will permit it to pass over me and through me.-Dune
Nature_Girl ( member #32554) posted at 4:18 PM on Monday, January 13th, 2014
She didn't have a witness list because there ISN'T anyone to say good things about her!
I agree with this. During my parenting evaluation I had numerous witnesses provide testimony as to my fitness as a parent, as well as some offering their opinions of my ex or observations of his blind rages.
Ex submitted NO witness testimonies on his behalf. None. Even the parenting eval was stymied.
I'm not surprised that your STBX didn't sign the papers. Court is surreal. You can do it!
Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 4:21 PM on Monday, January 13th, 2014
Can't say that I'm surprised, and I'm certain you aren't either. Keep breathing, AD. You've got this.
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
betrayedfriend ( member #19785) posted at 5:16 PM on Monday, January 13th, 2014
I wonder if you can pull the agreement off of the table and ask for sole legal and physical custody to compel her to sign. If you go to trial, ask for everything you possibly can.
I originally joined SI as a way to help my best friends find ways of coping with infidelity, but now infidelity has touched my family much closer to home.
IrishLass518 ( member #34373) posted at 6:06 PM on Monday, January 13th, 2014
No stress AD, you are in the power position and she knows it. She is pulling this now to see if she has any power left. She only has it if you let her have it. Since she is taking it to trial and not abiding by the mediated agreement, call your L and ask for everything you can possibly ask for without alienating the Judge. Get a little ruthless if you can, let her know that you are aware that you have all of the cards.
Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"
alphakitte ( member #33438) posted at 6:13 PM on Monday, January 13th, 2014
I wonder if you can pull the agreement off of the table and ask for sole legal and physical custody
Your STBX is acting like she thinks that the agreement is the beginning point of negotiation, not the end. The above suggestion is worth asking your attorney about. Fight fire with fire.
It's probably going to trial anyway so why not throw the kitchen sink at her?
------ Some people are emotional tadpoles. Even if they mature they are just a warty toad. Catt
tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 2:19 AM on Tuesday, January 14th, 2014
NPD's eventually find that the world is horribly unfair and that they are always the victim. I do believe that she is going to play this card real soon.
Stay Strong AD. You got this. She is clueless. Your kids probably could do a better job with helping her get a fair settlement than she will. She thinks she is in the right and deserves whatever she wants......Good news is the Judge won't.
((((and continued strength))))
The end is in sight.
Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.
Skan ( member #35812) posted at 3:10 AM on Tuesday, January 14th, 2014
She chooses to drag this all the way to court? Unleash the hounds of hell on her and turn your lawyer loose. Pull your offer off of the table and go for everything. If the people who are making the depositions are willing, ask them to come to court with you. And make sure to subpoena lover-boy as well.
You didn't ask for this war, but by gum, it's time to end it. (((hugs)))
Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
Abbondad (original poster member #37898) posted at 6:18 PM on Tuesday, January 14th, 2014
News flash: STBX has been fired.
Divorced April Fool's Day 2014
Fear is the mind-killer.Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.I will face my fear.I will permit it to pass over me and through me.-Dune
Dagny07 ( member #16928) posted at 6:22 PM on Tuesday, January 14th, 2014
Me:BW Him: FWH E/A
M: 30 years, together 37 : both guilty of PAs 20+ years ago
CDay#1 Oct 06 (false); DDay#2 Oct 07 (truth from OW's BH)
R: Tenaciously optimistic
betrayedfriend ( member #19785) posted at 7:00 PM on Tuesday, January 14th, 2014
How sure are you that she's been fired and not just saying that? Either way, you and your kids do not depend on her to be ok, as long as you have each other, you'll be ok.
I originally joined SI as a way to help my best friends find ways of coping with infidelity, but now infidelity has touched my family much closer to home.
GabyBaby ( member #26928) posted at 7:05 PM on Tuesday, January 14th, 2014
How sure are you that she's been fired and not just saying that?
This was my first thought too. Perhaps a play at lowering CS/SS since she's "unemployed".
However, she's shown that her high wages is her earning potential, which (if she is actually unemployed) is what a court will take into consideration.
Hang in there AD. Stay the course!!
Me - late 40s
DD(27), DS(24, PDD-NOS)
WH#2 (SorryinSac)- Killed himself (May 2015) in our home 6 days after being served divorce docs.
XWH #1 - legally married 18yrs. 12+ OW (that I know of).
I edit often for clarity/typos.
HobbesTheTiger ( member #41477) posted at 7:37 PM on Tuesday, January 14th, 2014
Was it due to reasons on her side, i.e. bad performance or sth like that? I wonder what your lawyer will say about it. Maybe it would be worth thinking about immediately adding her boss(es?) to the witness list, so you don't miss any deadline or have her lawyer claim they didn't have sufficient notification... I guess if you add the boss to the list, you can still decide to not call the boss up to be deposed/testify, if it turns out she/he has nothing relevant to say.
Best wishes to you&the kids!
Edit: She might also be planning to claim that she (now!) has more time to care for the kids and should thus be granted more custody than if the past (when she was employed etc.) was taken into account, and more time in comparison to you.
[This message edited by HobbesTheTiger at 1:41 PM, January 14th (Tuesday)]
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