SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

"It's not betrayal. I moved out!" Yeah, cheating and lying for 6 months, then gaslighting and abandoning me and the marriage, that's not betrayal.

"it's none of their business." When I told our adult kids that he left.

"I know her." D-day, after I found out about OW and confronted him.

"You never supported me or took my advice." The clincher. The list of things I did to support him and his career is incredibly long, and includes raising his two emotionally abused kids from a previous marriage. They are healthy, happy people who call me Mom. But I never supported him. This lovely statement was *the moment* when I knew I was done and would no longer try to save my marriage (not that I stood a chance in hell, but denial is powerful).

Hugs to you from another imaginary internet friend.

I am so sorry Shockleader. Please take care of yourself and your kids.

My favorite quote:

Me: "How many times did you have sex?"

WW "two, maybe three times."

Me: "maybe three?"

WW: "ok, three"

WH told me he liked OW because she was 8 years younger than me. He said I looked better than she does, at her age, but she now looks better because now I am older.

What a dick!

"The problem with you is that you don't like money". OW had lots of money.

Let's see, I've heard:

"I hate you."

"I never loved you."

"Kick me to the curb, you dick."

"I can't wait until I never have to talk to you again."

"I don't know."

"I can't remember."

"If our marriage was good, I never would have done this."

"Just move on."

Me: "Put yourself in my position. How would you feel?:

Her: "Not good."

Un-fucking-believable.

Is it bad that I'm sitting back and grabbing the popcorn in my own life? What a ridiculous disaster! It's not about you, betrayed folks. They have derailed. Detach and watch the shitshow unfold.

"But I married you for the child support" after I was awarded custody by the district court, court of appeals and supreme court and was looking at her 50k lawyer bill.

Or my favorite, telling the judge that my private investigators testimony was inadmissible because she was on "private property" after dropping the kids off at her parents and going straight to the om's house. She had claimed earlier in court that she was taking them for family time. OM was 20 years older and her parents next door neighbor (farms). The affair didn't mean shit, but the lying in court and lack of concern for the childrens well being sure did.

You changed after we had children.

Yes dickwad it happens, its called parenthood - you didn't change anything at all, that was kind of the problem.

You were a shit wife - you didn't cook OR drive

Indian OW didn't cook or drive, previous OW now GF doesn't drive.

He has also told me he knows he is 'fixed' now and no longer fucked up because he is in a loving relationship. This 40 year old is in a relationship with his 24 year old pot/coke fiend personal assistant who he cheated on his wife with for years - but he's fixed enough to introduce her to my 2 and 5 year olds.

Yeah, you're fixed good dude.

Our reconciliation wasn't false but it didn't work so you blame me

Blameshifting, TT, gaslighting and rugsweeping does not an R make. Having 'lunch' with a previous OW, current GF during said False R does not an R make.

But hey, he tried - must have been hard to not fuck anyone else for a month or two.

me (BS): How could you do it knowing how much it would hurt me?

WH: "I wasn't thinking about you at all."

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WH: " It just happened to me."

me: "You mean, you were driving along minding your own business, when all of a sudden, your penis was in her vagina?"

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WH: "She was so much fun. And you were always so angry about not getting enough help in the house (we both worked outside the house)----remember that argument about the laundry?

me: "There was no laundry in your relationship with her."

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WH's mother on D day: "Honey,

what do you expect him to do, grovel?"

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WH: Why do we have to keep talking about this? Can't you just get over it already?

[This message edited by mchercheur at 10:14 PM, January 3rd (Thursday)]

"We talk about soup!" when I asked why he was calling his ex co-worker every single day on the way home from work for an hour drive home and sat in the driveway for another hour while I was cooking his dinner.

"You dress too nice, you know I like baggy khaki safari looking clothes and you wear nice jeans every day." (I never weighed more than 115 lbs during our marriage). I was stumped, never heard that one before.

[This message edited by miadianna at 1:17 AM, January 4th (Friday)]

my mom asked WH....."what were you planning to do?"

WH's response "I wanted to continue as I wanted them both (referring to OW and me his BS).

You are kidding me?!?!? You wanted us BOTH....yeah right.....

StrongButBroken couldn't have said it better

Yes dickwad it happens, its called parenthood - you didn't change anything at all, that was kind of the problem.

Ugh, I have heard so many of these from the ex.

A few days after dday he screamed at me "why don't you just go get a boyfriend and move on!"

Seriously?? You just can't make this shit up.

I never got anything resembling remorse from my husband. These quotes are about as deep as it ever got.

"Because she's nice." (The implication being that I'm not. And indeed, I was growing rather testy; I was the only one in our marriage working in a false R from an earlier infidelity, one he hid for 12 years. Bitch that I am, I expected him to actually address his/our issues and engage in the marriage. Her? She just told him he was wonderful and, well...she was "nice." Except when she was a shrill, bossy, judgmental bitch. Which, really, was most of the time; odd, how when he discovered that the woman who was the polar opposite of the mother who emotionally abandoned and abused him could not make him happy, he went and found a carbon copy of Mom to fall in love with. I digress--but that was actually a light bulb for me...I mean, this never occurred to me until right this minute. Interesting.)

"Because you always spend too much at Christmas." (For real. This is as deep as the "why" went for him.)

"I figured it would die out and then we'd be happy again." (Magical thinking, much?)

"I don't have a girlfriend!" (oh, I forgot; your soulmate)

"It isn't an affair!" (I forgot; it's destiny. Silly me.)

"I didn't think you'd ever find out." (Hm. You didn't think a wife on High Alert post-infidelity would find out? You didn't perhaps think it unwise to post about two business-trip ONSs ---"magical evenings," one post d-day #1, one long ago---on a public message board? Or, that leaving conversations with OW in the trash folder---the ONLY messages from anyone, ever, that had not been scoured from your computer---might give me a heads-up? Yup, this stupid bitch couldn't possibly find out. You're way, way too smart for me.)

"I had to keep talking to her. She was going to hurt you if I didn't." (You mean, if you really went NC, she might rat you out? No, Einstein--she knew I would copy her husband on everything-- and if there were ever someone more chickenshit than you, it was her.)

"It was an accident." (This, in defense of fucking a stripper. Because men often find themselves, unawares and with erect penises exposed---and money paid!--- in strip clubs, there to accidentally trip and fall into unclad "dancers'" vaginas.)

"I was mad because you abandoned me to work nights!" (Read this: "Your willingness to return to work to help pay my strip club bills---which would have gotten me fired because I was stupid enough to put them on the company Amex--cut into my strip club time!")

"I didn't do anything to the kids. YOU did. If you didn't respond so badly, they'd be fine." (Suffice it to say that our kids were profoundly affected.)

And one I forgot:

"Basically, I'm a nice guy." (Yes, except for the fact that you're not.)

"I'm here, aren't I?" with it's variant, "I always came back to you." (Yeah, lucky me.)

[This message edited by solus sto at 11:37 AM, January 4th (Friday)]

I got most of these quotes from WBF..his two gems were

1. You weren't suppose to find out.

2. It was an accident that wouldn't have happened if you were capable of being happy with me. I try to do my damdest to do things to make our lives easier and you don't appreciate how hard I work.

Me:Yup, you're right. I am not happy that you had an accidental penis to vagina meeting that you worked hard to keep from me.

Lets see, what gems of glitter covered bullshit did my WH toss at me?

"You forced me to go outside our M to get my needs met"

- yeah that gun I held to your head while I made you grope and slobber over the ho-worker in your car after work was just so uncalled for wasnt it?

"The main problems in our M were your lack of sex drive and me having to go to 2nd shift so we never have time together".

- Humm, I had already caught you screwing around 2 times and you spend hours a day looking at porn. Cant see how that could have possibly affected my sex drive. Notice that both "exchuses" conviently place the blame everywhere but on himself.

When I first confronted him, he said "Yeah Im seeing someone, so what?" How dare I ask, Im such a bitch.

I think my favorite is when I asked him if he wasnt happy why he didnt just tell me and ask for a D instead of cheating. His answer?

I didnt want to hurt you.

Oh yeah, having an A, lying and then gaslighting and blameshifting gives me a warm fuzzy feeling inside. Thanks so much.

I have a couple of goodies from the OW

One was that I had better be careful or she "Really would f**k my husband" and when I told her she already had she called me a "Neurotic psycho underhanded liar"

Alrighty then

"please don't divorce me." after I caught him on top of OW#2.

"I did it because I wanted to go to hell where you're going."

"you had two so I got to have two."

"if I would have had an affair first I'm sure you would have told your AP," rationalizing why he told her I had an affair.

"i didn't tell you about going out for coffee because it didnt' mean anything to me." - me: I guess lunch and making out in the park did then? him: crickets.

me: why did you call #2

him: I didn't

me: the cell phone records say you did

him: well, I didn't call her I was just "returning" her call, which I realize now means the same thing..

me: why didn't you tell me that there was contact?

him: I needed to talk it over with my therapist first

me: why didn't you tell me you saw her car when I point blank asked you?

him: I got bad advice from my therapist...

me (after I found out about his first OW): welcome to the dark side...

and as a WW myself:

him: what did you like about him?

me: his personality (barf!)

he would remember more that I said... it wasn't pretty.

After my WW told me that her and OM told one another they loved each other I got:

"It's not as bad as you are thinking it is."

Just remembered another one.

When he refused to answer questions about the A because he had already told me there wasn't one

Ws said, I may as well go fuck her because your going to think I did anyway..DD2 followed 2yrs later, same ow.so I guess he did what he said he should of course its because I wouldn't believe him.

Him: "They were jealous of you."

Me: "Why"

Him: "Because I'm Big, they thought you were lucky to be with me so much."

Me: "Why, they were fucking you more than I was"