SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

She does not want a paternity test because they may turn out not to be his and she wants to milk you for money. I agree,vthisvis very illegal. Print the proof. Go to the police. Get a restraining order in the least. She'll know you mean business.

She does not want a paternity test because they may turn out not to be his and she wants to milk you for money. I agree,vthisvis very illegal. Print the proof. Go to the police. Get a restraining order in the least. She'll know you mean business.

I feel like I'm in a lifetime movie. Today, I arranged a meeting with ABC, who is the man who signed the twins birth certificate. I had a friend set up the meeting. I told her I was interested in having him do some pictures for me (this is how he makes extra money). When we met, I told him about how his ex contacted me about having an affair with her and fathering her twins. He was annoyed. He told me that he was in fact the father of the twins. He said he had DNA testing done shortly after their birth through DHS system. He disclosed that he pays child support for them and changed their names after finding out conclusively that they were his kids. He apologized to me and told me that he had a conversation with my husband 2 years ago and advised him to stop paying her. You did?? I asked what my husband said. He told me that Walter said he would confront her immediately and stop sending money. Im sitting there so confused because my husband isn't Walter. We sat in silence for a moment. I could tell he was angry and I was crying already. He asked who my husband was. I told hI'm my husband's name. He told me that he never knew about him. Just 2 other guys, Walter who was married and rick who used to be his friend. What the hell is wrong with this lady?? I'm calling a detective on my first break tomorrow. My life has been turned upside down. I have tried so hard not to be angry at this woman, because my husband shouldn't have cheated, but what kind if psycho bit ch am I d ealing with? I am so mad right now!! And my idiot husband has been sending her 500 dollars every other month for 11 years to keep her quiet about the affair and kids when she knew damn well that they werect his!! And she had at least one other man paying her as well!!! Im so mad right now that I'm afraid of myself!!! I can't go home because my husband I'd there and I'm too emotional. He doesn't know any of this what the hell am I supposed to do now?? Please help me. My mind is racing!!!

You go home and tell your H...no secrets!

Then you contact the police about the extortion, and press charges, do not relent!

I'm so mad at him, I'm afraI'd of what I may say or do! How could he sleep with someone this loose?? Then come home to me??Make love to me like nothing happened? Put my health at risk?? Me!! His wife!! I've always had his back. Always been loyal. He was my best friend!!!How could he tolerate the presence of this type of woman!! I can now count 5 men she was sleeping with during the time frame that she got pregnant! I havent slept with 5 men my entire life!! WTF was he thinking? ?? Freaking idiot!!!!!!!

Now he wants to cling to me! "Baby, I love you. I know I messed up. I hid it to protect you from the pain. I don't wanna lose you. You're my whole world" I cant listen to this cap tonight. I got to find somewhere to stay!!

Indeed, he is a complete idiot, but right now you need to worry about this woman that is targeting your family...you need to go after her legally to protect you and your kids.

Worry about your buffoon of a HW later...he's not going anywhere anytime soon.

I'm just so angry!! She knew all this time!! He lied to me all these years!!! He brought this monster in my life!! I'm calling a detectivery early in the morning, but I cant stomach him right now!! He was willfully having sex with a woman who was sleeping with 5 different men!!! He gets so jealous if I talk to a male colleague too long in the grocery store!!! Now his whore is threatening to expose this affair unless I send her money. I am beyond disbelief!! I don't know why it hurts, but it hurts so bad!!

You guys were so right. She knew all along. That's why she kept refusing the paternity test!! I have agonized over these kid's since my DAY (7/10/17). I've lost weight, 17 lbs now, I've barely slept, my MD had to prescribe sleep aid, and I've played every possible scenario in my head on the future of my marriage. She was lying to me from day one. The only honest thing she told my was that she had an affair with him!!!

Oh I am so sorry.

But good for you for digging a bit deeper. Burn her little extortion ring to the ground!

Some people are just not worthy of being called people.

Under normal circumstances, I don't recommend outing the OW. But given this:

This woman has contacted me for money. I told her that she will have to prove paternity before any child support will be paid. She says she's not having a paternity test, but she will tell all my colleagues, family, and friends about this matter if I do not give her 500 dollars.

People really need to know what she is up to. Your husband might not be the only man she has been collecting money from for "support". Now, cheaters deserve what's coming to them but their families don't. You may not be the only wife getting the shake down right now. This is a scam she's got going and people should know about it. I don't know if it's illegal but I'd certainly be checking into it because if she's threatening to out your husband in a way that could affect him at work, it amounts to blackmail.

As for your husband being outed, I understand your shame but that shame doesn't belong to you. You have done nothing wrong. If she tells, she tells. Your husband could, for once, be preemptive and tell everyone himself. He screwed up 11 years ago. I doubt anyone other than you is going to care if he's been behaving himself (other than being a liar to his wife) for the last 11 years. In fact, everyone is very likely to have a lot of compassion for the both of you. I know it feels very mortifying to you because it's new and it's shocking but the rest of the world has their own problems to worry about.

I'm sorry you're here.

This woman has had $33,000 from your husband over 11 years (at 500 every other month) - I'd see if there was any way to have her prosecuted for blackmail or sue her. I know the likelihood of getting any money out of her is zero, but this was a crime. No matter what he's done, (and I have no sympathy for your husband because he CHOSE this for your family rather than man up and admit what he did) - your husband, and your family finances through him, have been the victims of blackmail.

There was at least one other man paying too, although it seems he might have stopped paying as well which is probably why she's getting desperate and approaching the wives (if she's doing it to you she could easily be doing it to the other wife) so this blackmail 'ring' she's had going could come to light at any time anyway.

I know you are a private person, but I'm not sure how you are going to be able to keep a lid on this when OW appears to be such a loose cannon. If you were thinking of threatening to sue her to make her keep quiet, that could work, but I still think she's an evil person and she could tell your family, kids or work colleagues at any time regardless.

Maybe it would be better to have your husband admit what he has done - even if only to your own family - and eliminate any hold she has on you. At least that way you would also have an IRL (in real life) support system around you too, and you could get something legal done about her.

Thanks so much for the support. I lost it yesterday (and I usually am good about keeping my cool). I'm dreading reaching out to a detective, because it will force me to tell someone about the affair and I haven't told a single soul except you all) but I know that this has to be done. I feel defeated. I feel like I failed in this marriage somehow. How could I be too dumb to figure out he had a mistress??? And now this. There are no words to describe how I feel right now.

I'm dreading reaching out to a detective, because it will force me to tell someone about the affair and I haven't told a single soul except you all) but I know that this has to be done. I feel defeated. I feel like I failed in this marriage somehow. How could I be too dumb to figure out he had a mistress??? And now this. There are no words to describe how I feel right now.

I just read this thread, lots of great advice here. I just want to reach out and let you know that you are not alone, you are feeling things that all of us felt in the beginning, we are just floored that we did not know, floored that this has now become our life, floored that we are looking at someone who we thought we totally trusted who allowed us to sleep with them, take care of them, live under the same roof, etc.... and we never saw it. You are second guessing yourself all over the place. Just know that sadly this is normal.

Also you are frozen in place as you don't want anyone to know, I get this too. I think the first couple of weeks before I started telling everyone, was me sitting in my bedroom just staring into space for hours or crying. I feel it is a part of the BS grief stage, your brain and heart are going thru a stage of basically accepting that this has actually happened in your life, like a death and you are going to have to go thru this whether you like it or not.

My strongest advice to you is work really hard to over come this part, don't be afraid, I found when I finally reached out that there was so much compassion and understanding and family or friends or experts or truly want to help. Find those around you who will help you now, get a good IC and also as others have said get an attorney. This part is vital. This chick is an extortionist, she needs to be put in jail.

Then the rest of this shit show called infidelity will hit you in other ways as you go along, you will start to see the enormity of what your WS has done and for that I am so sorry. Truly. You are sadly I feel going to find out that this is just the tip of the iceberg, we say on here that it is not just the affair that kills the marriage, it is the lies. And how easily they lie. About a lot of things.

Keep reading here, get an attorney, get yourself into some kind of IC and take this one day at a time. So sorry you are here.

[This message edited by realitybites at 8:31 AM, July 31st (Monday)]

How can I distinguish remorse from regret??

Remorse = Actions

Regret = Words

Remorse: "I know that you need the whole truth or this will prey on your mind forever. I've gone ahead and prepared this written timeline of what happened. I've been as thorough and factual as I can. I booked a polygraph, and they can squeeze me in for next Tuesday morning, if that timing works for you? I sold my baseball card collection to pay for it."

Regret: "I'm so sorry. But you can trust me now. I promise you I've told you the whole truth."

Remorse: "I know it's hard to trust me after what I cheated on you, lied to you about it for over a decade and stole marital funds to pay off my whore. I ordered a GPS gizmo for the car, so that you can see where I drive. I sold my dirt bike to pay for it."

Regret: "You can trust me now. I love you. It didn't mean anything. I know I messed up - do you forgive me?"

Remorse: "I need to figure out how I could do such a stupid, selfish thing and cause such harm to the person I love most. I made an appointment with a psychologist to try to get to the bottom of it. I'm also worried about you. My psychologist gave me the names of a few other psychologists who you might like to see. I also got a few books from the library - I really like this one by Shirley Glass called 'Not Just Friends'. This one called 'How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair' is also giving me some insights. I'd like to share some of what I've learned with you, if you are ok with that?"

Regret: "I was so stupid, but I've learned from my mistakes. It's in the past now and we can move forward. I love you more now than I ever have."

Remorse = Actions

Regret = Words

^^^^ this. Absolutely. Everything Hawke says.

What is he doing other than saying sorry and begging? Has he found anything on the internet? You did, you're here - if he's internet savvy, has he?

What is he researcing? What is he doing?

If he's a generally clueless type of person, tell him you want to see some action from him and see what he does.

NO SOLICITING

[This message edited by SI Staff at 12:06 PM, August 4th (Friday)]

He apologized to me and told me that he had a conversation with my husband 2 years ago and advised him to stop paying her. You did?? I asked what my husband said. He told me that Walter said he would confront her immediately and stop sending money. Im sitting there so confused because my husband isn't Walter. We sat in silence for a moment.

Geezus! Sorry, I just caught up on this one. What a soap opera this turned into!

Holy shit what a piece of work.

I guess the good news is that it's not the WH's kids, so that part is a relief.

Yes, this is extortion by my definition, as she knew it was not his kids, so she knowingly took money under false pretenses.

You may can just file a small claims lawsuit to reclaim payments, that may be enough to make her shut up and disappear, or ask the lawyer to see if criminal charges can be filed.

I feel like I failed in this marriage somehow.

No, YOU didn't.

How could I be too dumb to figure out he had a mistress???

Sorry sister, but your in good company. The short answer is because you weren't looking for it.

I am not sure you need a detective, but you do need an attorney.

Do not respond to her.Block her on Facebook so she can't IM you or see your profile. You WH should have her blocked too and be NC with her.

Tell the attorney what is going on. Find out your rights should you decide to divorce. See what you can do to stop the harassment and the extortion.