SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

It may feel that way, but there’s nothing to be humiliated about. It’s all on her. Don’t be afraid to tell friends and family why the wedding is off.

Her parents will be rooting for her, be prepared for that. You don’t owe them anything except a curtesy call.

Take care of yourself!

[This message edited by ShutterHappy at 5:21 AM, June 12th (Wednesday)]

Good morning on a day I am sure you never expected.

Please do not feel humiliated. Sad, angry, anxious, frustrated, and much more of sad and angry, yes. But her poor choices are hers alone. As long as you would not and did not engage in a similar “last hurrah” you have nothing to be ashamed of. The 70,000+ members here can attest to that. We just wanted our partner and a life of trust together.

Good luck to you on this awful day.

It doesn’t matter if she plays the victim. You merely have to state facts and then move on. She isn’t your problem any longer.

Please do not feel humiliated. Sad, angry, anxious, frustrated, and much more of sad and angry, yes. But her poor choices are hers alone

.

Well said.

You were in love with that woman, about to get married, then this... It’s very traumatic, infidelity is traumatic. You will need to seek support from your friends and family.

Just say that you discovered your fiancé has been unfaithful and you refuse to marry a cheater. They will see you as a strong man who won’t take any bullshit.

Master as others have said there is NOTHING to feel "humiliated" about.

That said, that line of thinking is concerned about what others think of you. You want to know what people who know the TRUTH will think of you?

That you're a man with morals and boundaries. That you did the RIGHT thing. That you have self-respect, integrity, and that you have a great deal of courage for standing up for yourself and walking away from someone that you loved but found out that your fiancé didn't share that love.

The ones that should (and will) be "humiliated" are your fiancé and her parents (and rightfully so). Don't be surprised if they go into damage control and try to spin this (cancellation of the marriage) that it was because of you and something you did.

You can't control the narrative that they tell people, but you can certainly share the truth with your family, friends and loved ones.

How are you doing?

This is a "just the facts ma'am" type situation.

The facts are what they are and I wouldn't spend half a second sweating what your STB ex-fiance says about it or how she shifts the blame to you or anything else. From what you said, the relationship is over so there's no point wasting any energy on it.

Glad you're planning to move on and finding a woman worthy of you. I'm confident you'll look back years from now after being happily married and be very proud of how you're handling this.

I am sorry this happened to you. Sending you strength.

You must be in agony. Hugs. We all know the hurt.

YOU have nothing to be humiliated about. She does. And shame on HER if she isn't. Shame on HER for playing the victim. Shame on her parents if they fall for it.

If her parents [or anyone else] blows up your phone - turn it off. Or put those numbers on silent/mute. Or block them all together. Case by case basis.

Please keep us posted. We have your back.

Do NOT bear any shame, or embarrassment in this. You no more could have prevented this than you can walk out your door, and be on the moon.

This 100% on her. Her choice. Her actions.

You are going to grieve this loss, like a death, and you are going to have trust issues after this. There is no way to not have that happen.

That's ok it becomes part of what makes you, you. Get some IC if you find you are profoundly sad, or angry. Get some IC if you find that you are looking for a new partner right away.

Spend some time loving yourself, and being happy as an individual.

((((And Strength))))

Good for you MOW3 on your decision to end it. you definitely get it and this is so bad we can't express how bad it is. i'm really big on R and in this case there is no M, there is no remorse. there are lies and deceit and enabling bachelorettes. they were looking forward to the two of you, at the altar, all of them all dolled up in their beautiful peach or yellow or whatever gowns, flowers in their hair, all smiles, as you stared into each others eyes, taking your vows, knowing completely that this awful situation had happened.

her parents are going to try to sell how she didn't mean it, this was really nothing, it was a one time mistake, everyone (except you) wants the wedding to go forward, and how much you really owe everyone in this big ffffing mess. the more the parents minimize, the more you have to make sure they know what really happened and how they feel about that.

walk, please. spare yourself angst, agony, doubt, mistrust, depression, anger and suspicions. this was NO WAY to start a marriage.

[This message edited by rugswept at 9:13 AM, June 12th (Wednesday)]

Once the word gets out that she lost you because she cheated at a bachelorette party, no one will feel embarrassed for you.

She will have earned her reputation by what she did.

Those who will try to pressure you into going forward with the marriage will use the word "mistake". A lot. Have your retort ready. This was not a "mistake". It was a decision, and she made this decision on the eve of her wedding, when her love and desire for you is at its fully numinent zenith. Imagine the kinds of decisions she would make after 15 years and kids and sleep deprivation and routine.

A mistake is where, for example, you use baking soda instead of baking powder. Deciding to take a man's dick into her mouth, that was an intentional act. It's not like she was in a dark room trying to find her banana, or popsicle, but instead got a dick. Oops, that was a dick.

I'm being silly to make the point. She decided to suck another man's dick (and maybe fuck him) because she wanted to suck another man's dick. It was not a "mistake".

She is now free to suck anyone's dick at her choosing. Really, now that you realize the kinds of things she decides to do, you're simply freeing her up to do what she wants.

[This message edited by Butforthegrace at 2:25 PM, June 12th (Wednesday)]

Blood is often thicker than water on these threads but even the most supportive and loving parents will shudder when you declare:

Your daughter told me it was OK because she didn't have sex with a stranger she met in Las Vegas - she just gave him a blowjob

There is little they can say in response

Imagine 5 years from now, with a new GF, thinking about marriage:

NGF: So what happened? You almost got married.

You: my fiancé went to Vegas and slept with another man during her bachelorette party.

NGG: ah, ok, it must have been hard...

Now your ex-Fiancé (EF):

NBF: So what happened? You almost got married.

EF: I hooked up with a guy during my bachelorette party, it was just a silly mistake really, but he got all jealous on me.

Wait! Where you’re going? Don’t run! Everybody makes mistake! Bubba! Bubba! Come back!

Your daughter told me it was OK because she didn't have sex with a stranger she met in Las Vegas - she just gave him a blowjob

Followed up with, « We differ on that, so I don’t think we are morally and ethically compatible. »

To the Wayward Fiancé:

Your actions make it clear to me that you are not ready to be in a committed faithful relationship. I suggest you take time and work on that and why you thought that was an ok thing to do

Either way it’s clear to me that we should not be married now and should each separately focus on finding peace with what happened. I wish you well and at this point need time and space from you, I hope you can and will respect that.

Then stop contact with her. Only discuss untangling your finances and cancelling the wedding if necessary.

She has a lot of work to do before she’s ever a safe partner for you or someone. Trust is a delicate thing, easily and quickly broken, and painstakingly put back together. Maybe she has eat it takes to do that, probably she doesn’t. Time will tell.

I wish you strength in your path back to happiness.

[This message edited by Stevesn at 4:45 PM, June 12th (Wednesday)]

I... just...

Everybody is throwing word salads at this. No offense, everybody, I get it, but, it's simply said:

DUDE. RUN!

Your fiancee gave a stranger a blow job in Vegas?

DUDE. RUN!

There are so many red flags here I don't know which one to talk about first. Let's just go with the obvious:

DUDE. RUN!

Run straight to your dr. and/or the clinic and get swabbed/tested for STIs while you are at it. That kind of reckless attitude toward intimate physical contact wasn't born yesterday... just sayin'...

Everybody who is giving you grief about the wedding can pound sand. Responsible adults will tell you to address this problem head on before getting the two of you into a legal contract. Basically, you're being arm twisted to move ahead with a legal contract so other people who paid for a party can still have their party. Per above, tell them to pound sand.

Or they can find the recipient of the Vegas blow job and plug him into the groom's slot so the party can go on, LOL.

/\ /\ /\ This! Absolutely! /\ /\ /\

When did this happen? I only ask because you signed up back in December, so wondering if this was recent or there was an earlier incident or something you suspected happened back in December?

mastersofwar3, my advice? Just youtube search this below -

Luke Combs - When It Rains It Pours

You are in your 20's. There is better out there.