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confused615 ( member #30826) posted at 9:50 PM on Thursday, April 24th, 2014
Thinking of you today.
Millions of hugs sent your way. 
BS(me)44
FWH 48
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
devasted30 ( member #39439) posted at 9:55 PM on Thursday, April 24th, 2014
Sending you prayers and strength. We are all standing beside you and supporting you today. ((((HUGS))))
And remember Murphy is right. Nothing is so bad that it can't get worse!!!
norabird ( member #42092) posted at 9:57 PM on Thursday, April 24th, 2014
I hope the service today brings some peace and closure. (((Phoenix & family)))
karmahappens ( member #35846) posted at 9:58 PM on Thursday, April 24th, 2014
You are in my thoughts.
(((phoenix)))
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd
CheaterMagnet ( member #33581) posted at 10:42 PM on Thursday, April 24th, 2014
Phoenix,
I think about you every single day and I keep sending you strength and peace. I cannot even imagine your pain. My son has been suicidal since he was 7. I feel so incredibly fortunate that he's never been successful and more so that he is here with me now where I can be more help to him and talk him off the ledge. I'm so sorry. I am just so very, very sorry.
A bazillion hugs to you and your entire family and friends.
If Happy Ever After did exist, I would still be holding you like this.
All those fairly tales are full of shit.
One more fucking love song I'll be sick. ~ Maroon 5
MissesJai ( member #24849) posted at 10:44 PM on Thursday, April 24th, 2014
44
Happily divorcing..
My Life is Mine!!!!
#BlackLivesMatter
Don't settle for no fuck shit....
hexed ( member #19258) posted at 2:48 AM on Friday, April 25th, 2014
sending you much love and strength. hope that you are doing as well as possible today.
((phoenix))
But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned
“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler
nowiknow23 ( member #33226) posted at 4:23 AM on Friday, April 25th, 2014
((((Phoenix & family)))) You are all in my thoughts. Not an hour goes by when I am not thinking of you all and sending you strength and comfort.
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
tired girl ( member #28053) posted at 6:13 AM on Friday, April 25th, 2014
I have watched both of your threads and your strength has left me in awe and in tears. You and your family are in my thoughts. I am so sorry that you have had to endure so much.
((((Phoenix)))
Me 47 Him 47 Hardlessons
DS 27,25,23
D Day's becoming less important as time moves on.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt
My bad for trying to locate remorse on your morality map. OITNB
Phoenix1 (original poster member #38928) posted at 8:10 AM on Friday, April 25th, 2014
Incredibly rough and long day. DD17 wanted to talk and we talked until 3 am. Then up at 7 as my dad called to get driving directions after flying in late last night. Ex-MIL is here and can barely walk without assistance and is very hard of hearing. The general chaos is stressing me out. The Ex is smothering me and stressing me out.
In the midst of the chaos we all spent time with DS. The large flower wreath I ordered to frame his picture is beautiful in red, white, and blue flowers. The collage I created last night with pictures that represent him outside his military persona came out well, and it brought a smile to his BF's face as he was present for many of the photos. I only chose pics where he is smiling, that beautiful smile I love so much. I was able to stroke his hair for a while and kiss him, through a veil of unending tears. I will be getting a lock of his hair. One of his best female friends (another unofficial adopted child) broke down and I let her cry in my arms. We were always secretly hoping those two would one day marry and her heart was broken.
I am finding my strength faltering right now, and I am incredibly tired. Yet the longest day yet will be upon us tomorrow with the funeral and burial. I wish I would wake up and find it was all a bad dream...
fBS - Me
Xhole - Multiple LTAs/2 OCs over 20+yrs
Adult Kids
Happily divorced!
You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending. ~C.S. Lewis~
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 11:00 AM on Friday, April 25th, 2014
Still thinking of you, Phoenix1. I wish there were something concrete I could do.
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
knutz ( member #28877) posted at 12:50 PM on Friday, April 25th, 2014
We are all still here, and we will all be here for you when this day is done. Today, rely on your IRL friends to take care of the ex-MIL and others. Do what YOU need to get through this hard, impossible day. Your SI family will be here whenever you need us.
Together 23 years
Married 20 Years
BW (me) 48
FWH: 49 (rSA)
2 children, 9 & 12
DDay: December 27, 2009
"Life is not what it is supposed to be. It is what it is. The way we cope with it is what makes the difference". Virginia Satir
tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 1:33 PM on Friday, April 25th, 2014
Oh Phoenix, I hope that you are able to collapse in a warm comfortable bed after today.
I can not imagine how incredibly bone tired you must be. This is all very surreal under normal circumstances, I am sure you must feel that way today.
Know that we are sending you strength, and hoping for a beautiful day for you.
(((and strength))))
Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.
still2suspicious ( member #31722) posted at 2:52 PM on Friday, April 25th, 2014
((phoenix))
I am sending your prayers and strength for today.
You are still showing amazing strength, and courage. What an inspiration you are to everyone who knows you.
Hang on the the thought that you will be able to get some down time soon.
Lean on your family/friends as much as you need.
I wish I lived near you. I would love to be one of your "leaners" 
Words still escape me but know that I am thinking of you, and sending prayers.
Feel our hugs, my friend. We will surround you with love.
Me: BSHim: WHDDay: LTEA Every storm runs out of rain - Gary Allen
D final 2/23
abbycadabby ( member #27428) posted at 2:59 PM on Friday, April 25th, 2014
I am finding my strength faltering right now, and I am incredibly tired. Yet the longest day yet will be upon us tomorrow with the funeral and burial. I wish I would wake up and find it was all a bad dream...
Biggest hugs ever . You, your family, and friends are in my thoughts and prayers today.
((((((((((((((((Phoenix1)))))))))))))))))
somanyyears ( member #26970) posted at 3:11 PM on Friday, April 25th, 2014
..((((((((((Phoenix1 and family)))))))))))
..sending continued prayers for strength and peace for you.
..so, so sad for you and yours.
smy
trust no other human- love only your pets. Reconciled I think! Me 77 Her 74 Married 52 yrs. 18 yr LTA with bff/lawyer. Little fucker died at 57.Brain tumour!
simplydevastated ( member #25001) posted at 3:20 PM on Friday, April 25th, 2014
Sending (((HUGS))) and strength to you and your family.
Me - BS, 40 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS11, DD8
Getting my ducks in a row for divorce... finally (4+ D-Days too many - listed in profile.)
Pentup ( member #20563) posted at 3:31 PM on Friday, April 25th, 2014
((((Phoenix and family))))
I am praying Psalm 31:24 over you today
Be of good courage , and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD.
You have to be running on fumes. I know you are there for your children and your sons friends and your family. Who is there to hold you up? I pray that you have IRL friends there to chase people away long enough for you to get a nap, to bring you your beverage of choice and a tasty morsel and to hug you and cry with you.
Me- BS
Him- FWS (I hope- F)
gulliblelass ( member #16089) posted at 3:38 PM on Friday, April 25th, 2014
Phoenix, thinking of you today as you finally lay your precious son to rest. Your words in your last few posts show such strong love from a mother to her son, my tears have not stopped flowing.
Although not a USA resident, I have much admiration in how the army have helped and respected you and your family in this sombre time. His BF's sound amazing people and I hope they are able to bring some comfort to you today and in the dark days that will follow.
We will all be with you in spirit today and trying to hold you up through what will be one of the worst days for you to contend with. You are such an amazing person and I know you will struggle through with the strength and dignity that you have shown throughout so far.
I wish I could do something more..... words are just not enough.
With lots of love and prayers xxxx
WH 49
Me 44
3 beautiful children
Married 14 years together 17
DD1 03/06
DD2 06/07
In R and going well, hoping everyday that this is the last time otherwise I'm out of here
ZenMumWalking ( member #25341) posted at 3:41 PM on Friday, April 25th, 2014
((((Phoenix))))
You have been so strong for everyone, of course you are tired.
You and your family, DS friends, and loved ones are all in my thoughts today. I'm standing there next to you to lend you some extra strength when you feel you can't go on.
It sounds like you have done everything to prepare the funeral as a celebration of your precious DS's life - what a wonderful tribute to him and gift to all those who love him. Do not be surprised if, between the many moments of sadness and grief, you find yourself smiling or even laughing at some of your memories. It is a testament to the depth of your love and the closeness of your relationship that your DS will still be able to touch you in positive ways.
I am so very, deeply sorry for your tragic losses. Please know that you are not alone.
((((Phoenix))))
Me (BS), Him (WH): late-50's
3 DS: 26, 25, 22
M: 30+ (19 1/2 at Dday)
Dday: Dec 2008
Wanted R, not gonna happen (in permanent S)
Used to be DeadMumWalking, doing better now
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