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The car is in California and she is in Wisconsin... is there something special about this particular car? Don't they sell cars in Wisconsin, couldn't she just buy one there? OK, maybe she doesn't have enough (if any) credit, but couldn't somebody in her family co-sign the loan application?

I mean I have no problem with Falc giving her the car if he wants to -- if he can get his name off the title, insurance, loan, etc... -- she would have to come to CA to pick it up (or have it shipped), and all of that is going to take time.

So if she's in a rush, why can't she just get another car in WI? (without involving Falc at all)

The lawyer says I have a fiduciary responsibility to provide her information about the car loan. So looks like I have to respond to her.

Send her what ever info your lawyer said she needs for the car.

Did the lawyer say you have to stay on the lease?

I think most would probably recommend you ignore her “I know you don’t want to communicate with me” comment. And that is valid.

For me, I would probably add in, “since you told me you don’t want to work on our marriage then you are right, I’d prefer not to talk to you anymore. But here is the information you requested....”

And leave it at that.

[This message edited by Stevesn at 11:59 AM, October 30th (Tuesday)]

I just responded with the requested information (total loan, current amount owed, monthly payment, etc). She asked how I got the value of the car and I just don't really want to respond anymore. Just go to fucking KBB.com, seriously. She's the one who left yet I still need to coach her on how to do life. It's ridiculous.

The lawyer says I have a fiduciary responsibility to provide her information about the car loan. So looks like I have to respond to her.

Nope you just have to make sure she gets the info a.k.a. Your lawyer responds to her and you just found out why. There will always be another question or a disagreement over the value or the process whatever. It's her way of keeping you in her web and keeping you from moving on. She doesn't want you she just wants to know that you're still dangling on that string.

Falc

You are learning

You gave the perfect answer

less is more

do not respond to her last question

Only respond with information she has a right to get and could from a third party if she had the access. Like the status on the car-loan. On other issues such as subjective pricing or valuation… quiet.

Falk – human behavior can be predictable. Right now your “wife” will do her best to do two contradictory things. She will try her best to be your friend because that makes what she’s doing OK. She will also do her best to pull you into arguments. Because the arguments will feed her justification for why she had to end the marriage and why she “had” to have the affair.

Your best response is to remain as distant as you can and keep a good pace on the divorce process.

If the car is in your name, let the lawyer handle it, as you still have liability. If in both names, he can get yours off the title.

Listen to Bigger, one of the wisest and most experienced here.

On other issues such as subjective pricing or valuation… quiet.

Yeah I thought that I'd just include the normal KBB private seller valuation. Okay so no more subjective stuff, just objective stuff. Got it.

If you are like most everyone in the world you have used the same password for a lot of accounts and she knows the ones you use. DO NOT SEND HER ANY PASSWORDS and change the accounts you have. Send her totals, payment amounts, etc. Whatever the lawyer tells you to do but do not give her logins and do not keep login passwords the same for accounts she might go looking at.

She is slowly going to figure out just how much it costs to be single and fun!

Let her daddy take care of figuring out how much the car is worth.

You're tying yourself in knots about this. It's really simple, answer the questions as per your lawyers advice, anything else do not answer.

She has you as her go to esteem booster. Seeing someone on the side but has a hurting partner on the other.

Guess what? You now get to man up and work on yourself. It sucks but better for you in the long run.

She has you as her go to esteem booster.

Not sure that is the case as we hardly ever talk and every time we do (ie when we met in Wisconsin), she is just mad at me for everything. She's getting her self esteem boosts from her harem of 4-5 online friends through her stream and the OM, who also watches her stream.

I get what you are saying though, and yeah it sucks right now. I'm right in the middle of it and I don't see the light at the end, but I hope in a couple months I will begin to realize.

watches her stream

Yuck.

There was recently some other streamer drama around this theme. Some twitch thot was lying about being single (she was married, didn't work other than her stream) so she could flirt with watchers and get better tips. Some guy dropped 13k to try and get a lay. I guess it worked but damn, steamers can be just scum, and damn can some people be just pathetically thirsty.

[This message edited by Skadu at 10:26 AM, October 31st (Wednesday)]

Yeah, and I was the idiot who encouraged her to get back into streaming and bought her a nice new shiny streaming PC. The community is full of neck beards who will say anything to try and pull some online tail. It's pathetic. What's more pathetic is that these people have no boundaries. My wife was just weak and she ate it up. Her stream isn't that big, maybe 10-15 average viewers but she has a group of guys that watch her every time and she feeds off controlling them and their emotions. I bet every one of them has feelings for her.

Now she's texting me asking if she can sell her Blizzcon ticket and split the cost with me. She's being so nice. Probably just going to not respond.

Detach. Do the minimum, and preferably everything through your lawyer, in writing.

She'll get tired of that eventually.

No doubt she is getting coached by others.

Isolate, separate, and detach at every opportunity.

Split up and cancel all joint accounts, credit cards, loans, etc. right down to the cable bill. You want nothing with both your names on it.

There are plenty of "neck beards" in the gaming community. There are also plenty of average looking women that prey on them for help, in game perks, and ego boosts.

My husband and I are both gamers. We both talk about one another with our respective gamer friends. If some dude in game crosses any lines, I don't play with them any longer.

Sounds to me like your WW is the one with lack of boundaries. It would be erroneous to put the breakdown of your marriage elsewhere

Sounds to me like your WW is the one with lack of boundaries. It would be erroneous to put the breakdown of your marriage elsewhere

That's what I meant. She was weak and had no boundaries which led her to eat up the ego kibbles. The guys are shitty for not respecting my marriage, but it's completely on her for why she chose to pursue someone else who was feeding her compliments in game and on stream rather than working on communicating and helping fix our marriage.

[This message edited by Falc at 1:30 PM, October 31st (Wednesday)]

Don't respond

and when she cranks up the heat don't respond