SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Is there a way of seeing the content of the texts?

If you are Verizon users, there is a web-based messaging option that allows you to send/receive texts by using their website. It's called Verizon Messages. This was one of the options my XWH installed to help gain my trust. It allows me to see all texting activity (content) on his account. One word of caution though for those who want to use it. When you initially access the site, verizon does send a "welcome to verizon messages" type text to the phone. So if you want to do this without being found out, I would suggest accessing it for the first time ONLY when you have the waywards phone. So you can delete the welcome message.

With all of that said, I agree that since you already have proof of infidelity that further text content isn't really something you probably need for legal purposes. It will most likely only cause you more pain and, really, who needs more of that in this situation?

I truly hope you find the strength to move forward. While I'm one of those SI members that holds hope in reconciliation, I'm also one that firmly believes that cheating MUST be answered with swift and severe consequences. Without it, you will most likely suffer more cheating in the future. In my own situation, I filed for divorce the very week I found out about the OW. It's the one action I made that I'll never regret. I wear it like a badge of honor. A few months after our divorce, my X moved in with the OW and took almost a full year before he snapped out of his incredible selfish jackass behavior (aka "the fog"). Today, I'm the one struggling with deciding if there is just too much damage to reconcile, but he is the very picture of the remorseful wayward. His infidelity lost him the right to call me his wife or to say the words "I love you." He knows without a doubt that if he has the audacity to cheat again, I'm out for good. Absolutely no discussion.

My point is that there really is something to the advice "be willing to lose the marriage to save it." Stand firm and send the message "If you cheat, you lose me. No reasons or excuses wanted. I DESERVE BETTER." Don't be afraid of it. If she finally wakes up & wants to be a wife worthy of you, she will work for it.

(((JM72)))

[This message edited by SkepticallyStuck at 3:14 PM, April 15th (Friday)]

Thank you everyone. Found someone to watch my daughter while I'm at work, she's gonna go with my cousins daughter.

My cousin, Aunt, brother, all called me. I told them what is going on. "That's fucked up" - "Is she nuts!?" - "what a terrible mother".

When we had that talk on Wednesday night, she looked at me with a surprised look and said - "You think I'm having an affair!? Yeah....OK (rolls her eyes) think what you want".

Bat-shit fucking crazy

She keeps leaving her divorce papers in the same damn drawer, even after I told her to file them already. So, after I have my attorney draw up the papers, I'm gonna drive to her work, go up to her floor, walk up to her desk, and drop them in front of her - "here, you keep forgetting, so I'll speed things up", then wave to her friend, say "What's up asshole?", and then turn and walk away.

As far as reading the texts, how so? These texts only show the date, time, to who, and incoming/outgoing.

Is there a way of seeing the content of the texts? A few were picture texts, so I can only imagine.

There are programs out there that can recover texts, etc such as DR Phone, Data Backup Extracter.

You must have the phone or if she sincs it to a PC. Info is online.

I heard one guy just lifted the phone had a guy take it and do the recovery.

[This message edited by Marc878 at 3:39 PM, April 15th (Friday)]

I would file and have her served at work.

She essentially wants to get you to tacitly approve her affair. My WW did this at one point.

You cannot reason with this.

She essentially wants to get you to tacitly approve her affair. My WW did this at one point.

Kinda already is via Inaction.

It's time you took control. Stop letting her rub your face in it.

Let your kids see their dad stand up For himself.

And everyone else.

Don't think for a second they don't know.

[This message edited by Marc878 at 5:35 PM, April 15th (Friday)]

Id file without warning and let her deal with it.

Do you have a friend or relative who could tail her tonight?

JM,

I'm still on record that you should file and serve her as soon as possible. She is playing a game, and she will probably continue to drag her feet on taking any action.

Also, of the other posters on here had recommended that you read the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy". I'm going to second that. There are some exercises from the book called "Breaking Free" exercises. I see a lot of my old self in you and I think this would be a positive thing for you to explore.

Something else positive that the NMMNG book emphasizes for men is getting active in some kind of social or exercise setting with other men. Hanging out with other solid guys is important for your health and sanity. Even if it's just for fun and good fellowship.

There is a pattern that "nice guys" can fall into. It involves housework and chores and basically feeling like the responsible caretaker for every one and everything. I'm not saying men should not do their part. I'm saying if you try to do it all for the home and the kids, it actually makes things worse. You feel like something is wrong, and you can make it all better by taking care of everything. That you can show her how much you care, and win her affection by busting your ass to do everything. The problem is it can be just like enabling a drug addict. Your hard work and dedication becomes invisible, and she doesn't respect you.

In the more classic scenario this happens to women, while the wayward husband goes out and runs wild.

Remember always that strategies like breaking free and the 180 are not intended to bring her back. They're to help you. To get back to your own needs, and what is going to make you happy and healthy.

You, like all husbands on earth have failed miserably sometimes. We all have. But that has absolutely nothing to do with her choices to cheat and disavow your whole marriage. Those are just excuses they use to justify their poor behavior. An unrepentant cheater will look for a reason why it wasn't their fault. They are simply unwilling to face the responsibility for what they did.

This is going to be a tough weekend for you. Resolve to steer clear of confrontation with her. Be concise and walk away from her traps. Try to focus your thoughts on the real tasks at hand: Protecting yourself and your kids, and getting out of infidelity. Remember the VAR and continue to document everything. Lean on your trusted friends and family. Engage in activities that keep you from pondering her craziness. Do something you enjoy, just because it's fun.

And keep us updated on what your lawyer advises. It's time to focus on something other than the bag of rocks bouncing around her head. All the best and good luck.

I appreciate that Lionshare, and I will look into the books.

Surprisingly, I don't think it's going to be a difficult weekend. I'm done with her craziness.

I'm glad she went out for the night, helps me get some paperwork on this together for the attorney.

I do have a question though if anyone can help. I noticed another number texted almost as much as the ones to the other guy. Weird times too, 4 in the morning, 5 in the morning, all day long. Picture texts, etc.

Is there a way on the internet, Facebook, whatever, to see who the number belongs to?

Don't tell me there are multiple guys the whole time. I'm just trying to research and document stuff for the attorney.

Do a reverse lookup. Or google the number.

If it's a cell you won't get much info.

There are pay sites that you can get it off of though. Doesn't cost much.

There's an AP called 411 you can use but again if it's a cell it won't give you much

Yeah, it was a family member on her side of the family who apparently changed phone numbers.

I was able to get the address of the guy she has been seeing though. Not bad for $.99 a person.

You know, I understand I can't try to make sense out of the way she is acting, and I stopped trying, but texting him all day, the day before we flew down to the Caribbean to celebrate our 25th wedding aniversary?

That's pretty fucking low

Just wanted to let you know because I know you think I don't respect you enough to let you know these things

How about respect enough to stop having sex with other people when still married to you ? I am pretty sure she is worried about the financial hit in the divorce if she pisses you off too much.

JM, no harm in talking to the cat lady. Just talk to her like a friend.

JM , the craziness that waywards act sometimes makes absolutely no sense . My wife turned 60 this year, but this past summer was acting like a junior highscooler in texting, facebooking and talking to the AP constantly. Its like the infatuation for the other person just consumes them . And how low they are willing to stoop can be shocking. My wife got on FB and chatted up her AP after taking me out for my birthday and telling me that I was the love of her life and I was so lucky to have me. Boy dont I feel special? But its the type of shit WWs do when they have their heads up their asses.

Other posters are right. You can't make sense of what she's doing and try not to.

There's a reason why many posters here, myself included, feels that acting decisively works.

You are now acting decisively and headed towards divorce and for the first time that I can remember, she did her thing last night and you saw it as a good thing because you were able to get things lined up for the attorney.

I would suggest that you have the attorney have a process server or the Sheriff's office (depends on jurisdiction and who serves this stuff) serve her at work. Shock value and it keeps you out of trouble.

For the rest of this weekend, I would like to see you develop a plan to deal with the aftermath of dropping papers on her. How to respond to her anger, sadness, her 'not giving a crap' attitude, what she might try to do with the kids if she uses them against you, living arrangements, and batten down the hatches and stay on the 180 hard.

She may still be in cake eating mode. Let her cake eat right into court. There, she loses control.

Keep up the good work JM. Right now, it appears there's only one way out of this. You are taking it

I really can't wait to read this letter of hers. Not to get anything positive out of it, but for the sheer comic value....

"I never meant to hurt you...."

"I do respect you...."

"There's no reason we can't still be friends..."

"I told you in February I wanted a separation, and maybe see other people to see what is 'off' in our marriage..."

These phone records I found shine a bright light on the time line, and shows how deep and clueless she is to her own lies.

I read the Healing Library, and I believe she is in the stage where she believes her own lies. In her mind, she hasn't lied about anything.

The letter should be good.

My WW was actually delusional. Talking to her rationally made no sense.

You probably know what she is going to day.

It might be useful in a custody battle so you should read it.

But it won't be fun.