SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Uh oh, someone tipped off the WW, curious of she went the, "how could you betray me like this" route.

I'm sorry your safe place was invaded.

However, if she truly wants to reconcile,the waywards here will help guide her on what she needs to be doing. I'd suggest she sign up,and post on the wayward forum.

Lesson 1 for any WW: the only path to R lies in complete transparent honesty. And in case you haven't guessed, nobody here believes the bullshit you've been feeding poor TIF about your A.

[This message edited by Butforthegrace at 8:33 PM, February 20th (Thursday)]

To TIF’s wife: We’ve seen it all before. You’re an extremely unexceptional utterly predictable morally destitute cheater. TIF already has been schooled on your unremarkable bag of tricks, so good luck continuing to pull the wool over his eyes. Own your own shit, look in the mirror and tell your husband the truth. Stop making pathetic excuses for your shitty choices.

[This message edited by Thumos at 8:42 PM, February 20th (Thursday)]

TIF

This demonstrates as much as not quitting the job that your WW is not remorseful, is covering her tracks (probably to cont. the A) and is not R material.

A remorseful spouse doesn’t seek out their partner’s internet history, a cheating spouse who is trying to take the A underground does. A remorseful spouse allows space for the BS to heal from the HORRIBLE acts they’ve committed in whatever outlet they need. A remorseful spouse does whatever is needed for the BS to feel safe. TIF, looks like the A was tired of the crumbs and WW and POSOM are attempting to find the space underground to continue.

Good job Mrs TIF, your Betrayed Husband has been sweeping your mis-deeds under the rug attempting to save your marriage, maybe finally TIF will see you for what you are. Wake up TIF.

Pro tip-

When someone attacks you for seeking help to better yourself...that person likely doesn't have your best interests in mind.

If your WW is reading this, she knows what she did and what she is doing. If she loves you, she will want you to have help and support to get healthy and out of infidelity.

Alternately...

I don’t think it’s clear if WW found this forum and that’s why TIF is not going to post. It could be he’s just sick and tired of 2x4’s from almost everyone on here. No way to know unless he tells us.

Except that years of experience, from being on this forum, indicates that's exactly what's happened. It's not the first time an unremorseful wayward found their betrayed spouse's posts, and threw a fit.

[This message edited by HellFire at 1:49 PM, February 21st (Friday)]

AFAIK she has not found this thread. She could at any moment, but this isn't about her finding the thread. It's simply wiser for me to remain silent for some time.

[This message restored by Webmaster at 3:50 PM, Wednesday, May 19th]

[This message edited by This0is0Fine at 6:44 PM, Wednesday, September 16th]

That’s what I figured.

That's a relief! Good luck to you!

Yes, this is exactly what I was thinking. I'm pretty sure he doesn't want any advice that, heaven forbid, might make him question his set in stone course of action.

TIF has probably made the right decision . There are 37!pages of advice from however many all basically giving him every conceivable course of action to get out of infidelity

He has chosen to ignore it all. Why would he need any more advice?

There is virtually very little disagreement on what’s going on. Maybe we are all crazy

Good luck, TIF

I do hope that doesn't mean you are continuing to stay silent,and keep your BIL in the dark,and his health at risk.

TIF,

Whatever your reasons for stepping back are, everyone here wishes you the best. You deserve happiness and security. We all hope you find them.

Do what you feel is best for you.

While I hadn't expected to post for quite a bit longer, I find myself encouraged to post today. I had expected no positive developments and nothing worth reporting.
Last night, following a vacation that I had decided I would enjoy regardless of my current relationship issues. As we were getting back, my wife was getting in a bit of a somber mood and I asked her if anything was wrong or if something had changed, and she said no.
Then last night after work (she worked from home). She came to me basically bawling her eyes out.
She says she is so sorry for betraying me. She felt the whole time we were on vacation that my looks at her were never unalloyed love. That they were tainted with the feelings of hurt from her betrayal. She said she was going to start looking for a new job ASAP, and was on linkedin and job search websites for a few hours that night. She says she doesn't want to be reminded of her betrayal every day.
She said she fucked everything up. She said I'm the best thing that's ever happened to her, and that she really doesn't deserve my forgiveness. I felt, perhaps for the first time, that she really meant it and understood the impact her actions had on me.
I of course, have my own doubts, that NC was ever really achieved, and that she has just been dumped by the AP...
I will continue on my present course to see if anything continues to improve, resolute to do what is best for me.

[This message restored by Webmaster at 3:49 PM, Wednesday, May 19th]

[This message edited by This0is0Fine at 6:44 PM, Wednesday, September 16th]

I of course, have my own doubts, that NC was ever really achieved, and that she has just been dumped by the AP...

Unfortunately that’s probably it.

Good bet it’s self preservation mode.

BIL has been informed.

And maybe some consequences hitting home.

Just remember, words mean very little.

[This message edited by Marz at 7:21 PM, February 27th (Thursday)]

Well, she probably was dumped and is looking for her Plan B. Glad your BIL has the information now.

TIF,

Stay detached. It seems to be the only thing that works with your WW.

Let her reach the conclusion herself that she has to up her game and start chasing you or not only will she not have her work husband, she will not have her actual husband either.

Much of what she says is still focused on herself, but that seems to be par for the course:

She felt the whole time we were on vacation that my looks at her were never unalloyed love.

You mean a person can't cheat and still have blind devotion? Well that's just not fair.

She says she doesn't want to be reminded of her betrayal every day.

She does seem allergic to the concept of accountability that goes with being an adult. What she needs to evolve as a person is to be reminded of her betrayal until she actually faces it, owns it, and makes a conscious decision to change.

Stick to your guns on this if you want to stay with her. The medicine may be bitter, but the cure is essential if you are really going to devote more years/decades of your life to her.

She said I'm the best thing that's ever happened to her, and that she really doesn't deserve my forgiveness.

Well, the best response to that fishing expedition would be something like, "It is down to you to prove that you are worthy of forgiveness".

Much has been said about advice being ignored, but can you see what approach, and which tactics have been effective?

She needs to be chasing you, not the other way round (not that you have been chasing her). Like a lot of cheaters, she went through a phase of being queen of the universe, with - in her mind - two men utterly devoted to her and totally in love with her. She could do whatever she wanted, and both of you would jump to her tune.

Only...Now reality is kicking in. Her work husband has backed off, and you are looking at her as less of a prize, and more of a booby prize. The crown has been knocked off the queen's entitled head, and she now faces going from two men in her harem (he-rem?) to the possibility that she will have none.

And you know what? That is a good thing. She has to realise that she is not a prize that is automatically entitled to love or even affection. That she has to show love to receive love. That your devotion is not without conditions. That your love has been tested to close to breaking point.

Let her feel that and absorb it. It will do her good, and it will turn her into a better person. And if you want to stay with her, she really needs an attitude adjustment.

So keep it up. Let her work for your re-engagement. She has taken too much for granted.