SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hey, goose.

You are doing all you can right now---and probably running on nothing more than adrenaline at this point.

The letter looks perfect. Excellent choice of wording. Hopefully she will get this letter so you can move your focus elsewhere.

Just stick to your moral guns. You can't go wrong by them. There will be fallout soon, like you predicted, but what else are you supposed to do---shut up and take it?

No effing way. Your WW has consequences to pay.

You wrote on Monday:

My WW has too much pride to come back even if she wanted to.

It is not pride--it is fog and vanity.

Hopefully that type of thinking will leave so she can find some remorse.

You are doing everything right despite the pain. That is smart. Because once you walk through the pain you will be in the best position you can be no matter what happens.

I loved reading your thread and watching you actually follow through on the advice you are given no matter what emotional state you are in. Your ability to do that is going to make you a happy man in the long run. I hope others here who know the right thing to do but just fail to follow through are watching you as an example of what to do when you come here for support!

Kudos!!!

I hope you don't come to regret any of these choices.

It seems like you have a cheerleader section behind you telling you what to do next.

What ever happened to not making any rash decisions so soon after d-day?

Goose, slow down a little if you need to. You have every emotion going on right now, just breath.

What ever happened to not making any rash decisions so soon after d-day?

hitbyatruck....i always thought that "dont do anything so soon" - only applied IF the affair partners were in NC..and out of the fog....No?? And if the WS is openly dating - anything goes, in an attempt to get the affair over...

Bufffalo

[This message edited by bufffalo at 8:56 PM, March 9th (Wednesday)]

Goose ~ Keeping you in my prayers. Hang in there. I know this is all so difficult. You are doing a great job keeping your rational head on straight while your emotional heart is a mess.

Keep doing what you think you need to do.

Keep breathing.

Keep drinking water.

Keep walking.

Keep talking.

Keep loving your daughter.

Keep loving you.

Hugs and Hugs

I think it is ok to still take sometime to think.

IMO, this thread has the feeling of just wanting to know what has happened next. I see goose express that he does have the full range of emotions but is being more quizzed about what he has done next to his wife.

This is still a family breaking.

HBAT,

I don't think it's been lost in this thread that this is a horribly sad situation and that it involves the break up of a family.

But Goose's WW has refuses to go NC with the OM and has continued the affair. What is he suppose to do? Sit at home, cry, beg and hope the affair runs it's course and she comes home later?

I think most of us who have BTDT know that doesn't work. We also know that the fastest way to bring a WW out of the fog is a good hard slap of reality. Unfortunately this includes filing for divorce, throwing them out of the house and telling the OP's bs.

Sometimes this works, but if it doesn't, she is already with the OP. And Goose will be in a much better position than he would be doing nothing.

If she gets shocked backinto reality, he can always stop the divorce.

If a BS has a WS who is acting out, and refusing to go contact getting a lawyer and filing should be the first thing the BS should do. The BS should protect themselves from the continued lying, cheating and possibly stealing by the WS and the OP.

Doing nothing would be the worst thing to do.

So I'm laying here in my empty bed and a deflated "I love you" balloon she gave me for valentines day comes drifting in...and get stuck in the plant....

I think I can unfortunately be included in the BTDT group. I am from a divorced parents due to infidelity, including an OC, which I love like I gave birth to myself. I have also had the learning experience of being the BS.

I think this board has so much to offer someone who is hurting on either side of the affair.

With that being said everyone situation is different, there isn't a hard set of steps one MUST take in order to get through this.

Goose, read the advice but I hope you are talking to people off board as well.

This is still a family breaking.

This is so sad to me.

You have to understand that I'm coming from a position where I've spent years in false R.

I've spent years with this bastard trying to stay together for the sake of the kids.

Infidelity is abusive, there's nothing wrong with him making a decision to divorce her even so soon after DDay. He can change his mind just as soon as she changes her behavior.

Personally after reading all of the stories here it seems that staying together is oftentimes more painful than divorcing. JMHO

I agree...

He can stop whatever process he has in place..should she DE FOG and agree to NC.

I pray for that goose..

For you and your family..

That's really what we'd all like to see happen.

I commend you for handling this the way you have, and i really do believe that IF there is a chance for this marriage EVER in the future, your swift action and taking a stand IMMEDIATELY will be what saves it.

God Bless you...and those kids...I pray that she comes around, and at least is out of the fog so that rational decisions can be made for the future of your family.

Hang in there kiddo..

All of those emotional swings, pain, sorrow, anger, love, are the norm...and level out at some point.

I think you've been functioning on adrenaline shock for a while now...and reality is setting in.

((((goose)))) Please be sure you're eating, drinking fluid, and getting as much rest as a tormented mind will allow. You're doing so, so well--but have to be sure to care for yourself.

I am so sorry for your pain.

Goose,

What an incredibly powerful word-image you just sent us.

{{{hugs}}}

It sucks. But you are doing the best you can be for right now.

Try to enjoy the day and your daughter.

k9

Guys you have to remember when I took my youngest daughter to visit my cousin for the weekend, my WW went to a BBQ(at the little bitch friend house). Then went out to dinner and drinks. Then the next day she went to game night at her other friends house.

SHE took off her ring on Saturday!!! Instead of calling me and trying to work on our marriage she is planning BBQs. She really hasn't done anything to try and fix things or change.

She even said to me during one of our discussions, that I have 70% of what she wants in a man. Do I want to spend the rest of my life knowing I'm second best? And like on the kick the cat post, do infant to spend the rest of my years worried when she is 20 minutes late!

She is still having a little contact with the OM and is in contact with guy #2.

I asked her to pick up the book after the affair and she didn't.

So what has she done to fight for our marriage???? She is already planning her "single" life instead of facing the shit storm she has created.

If I was really the man of her dreams she would be doing anything and everything to make this work.

She checked out of this marriage about a year ago.

I think I'm moving a little fast also but based on her actions do a I have choice???? Someone wrote to me..."you can't lose what you don't have"!!!

I think I'm moving a little fast also but based on her actions do a I have choice????

You COULD stay married to a cheater.....or not. That part of the equation you can control...bro, may be time to "cut her loose"...i know that isnt what you wanted, you really have one other option - stay where youre at..... .

My FWW didnt get out of the fog UNTIL lawyers were involved...i was selling cattle by the truck load (lining up the ducks - told her that she and OM deserve each other....he can feed your horses - not really a pun, she did have horses - "fuck you - fuck him - im gonna lawyer up"....)..AND I BELIEVED i was "fixin to be single again'...worked a "full court press 180"....FWW could kiss my ass.....KWIM?

Didnt want a divorce, bro.....wanted "sloppy seconds even less".... it all sucks, Goose....gotta pick the lesser of 2 evils...FWW did get that fence post outta her ass.....before i hit the "point of no return"....

Bro....take care of your self...did you ever hear back from the OMs wife?? Is OM #2 married??

Later, bro....

Bufffalo

Dear Goose-em,

There was another man on this board who had a very similar situation, his WW was "in love" with OM, wanted out of the M. They divorced, and OM left his wife, but they got separate apartments. After a few months, they broke up and the WW realized what she had lost and wanted her H back.

We have seen it all here, it is entirely possible that you may move on and she may end up wanting back after she realizes what she has lost.

I admire your strength. I wish I felt so strong. Sending prayers for peace.

Well goose-em, her actions says it all. Not even one little morsel of remorse. She's actually doing the 180 on you! Taking care of herself, going out with friends, enjoying life, detaching from you.

No, I don't see any option. Stay strong buddy.

I also had no choice but to let FWH go. He had no interest in stopping contact with OW, in fact he contacted her as he pulled out of the driveway with all of his things.

I let him go but I also let him back in occasionally by insisting on dinner once a week as a family. (my parents could not be in the same room after their divorce and I hated it.) So once a week we put on our smiles and had dinner with our children. He told me later how much he looked fwd to family dinner night because I honestly dropped all anger for that dinner, he saw that i was functioning and the kids were more open to talking to both of us about our current situation. If we would have divorced I figured it was practice for me...being around him without being so ANGRY. As you know they will be many events in the future that you will both have to be at.

Eventually I did a hard 180 after he was gone (living it up) for about 6 months. He came out of the fog about a year from the date I caught him.

I am not saying not to protect yourself by seeing a lawyer, I did too but instead of focusing so much on the other BS or whatever your WW is doing at the moment focus on you and your child.

SHe is going to do whatever she wants anyway, keep your head up, try to go through this with the 180 in mind. It is very hard not check on her actions, scream to her about what stupid thing she is doing. When you show them that there actions are no longer worth your energy they tend to notice.

(((goose))))

Humm 70%? Well you need to put back in the honesty, integrity, morals, faithfulness, and respect that she threw away while she was grading on a curve and you're fine.

[This message edited by Rise_Above at 9:48 AM, March 10th (Thursday)]

There was another man on this board who had a very similar situation,

Been several..several ladies on here with Hs that did this, too...

buff