SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Goose,

You're on the right path. It's very up and down right now, but it does smooth out as you travel further along. Just grin and bear the emotional swings for now. They'll get better a little each day.

It's time to focus on you. Nothing you can do about the letter until you get something else back. Worry about your daughter and getting yourself set up for the rest of your life, without her. I know that's not what you want to do, but it's what's going to be best for you no matter what happens.

As others have said, she could still come out of the fog and come back to you begging for another chance. If she does, then great. You can make that decision and cross that bridge when you come to it, but you need to expect and prepare for the worst, while hoping for the best.

Have a Process Server deliver the letter!

Goose,

This is a GREAT idea. This way you know that SHE gets the letter, not OM and you can avoid going to the hood.

Look up orders servers in the yellow pages or call your lawyer and ask who they use.

The best chance of her begging back is you getting this information to the OM's BW. The sooner the better. You must make this an urgent matter as of today. I know you're trying, but she (OM's BW) needs to know TODAY.

The OM might have been tipped off by your BW and he may be trying to intercept this information. (hiding the mail notice, etc)

If you go to their house, go during day time hours and take someone with you. Wait until he leaves and then go to the door.

You can do this.

Ok I found a process server...and will drop the letter off tomorrow. BAM!

goose---just keep up the divorce process----if she were to come to her senses, and you might wanna try R---then you can stop D. process

Hi Goose,

Make sure that you are eating and drinking. Can you get outside today- maybe a long walk and lots of breathing. Try to do somethings to de-stress and to take care of you.

(((Goose))) SO PROUD OF YOU!

You are your own best friend!

(hug)

(((goose-em)))

I just finished reading through this entire thread. My heart is breaking for you. But I have to say that I have so much admiration for you right now. You're really handling everything so well. The mood swings, pain, confusion, fear, etc. is all par for the course, and in no way indicates there's anything wrong with you. But the fact you're taking care of business appropriately despite all of it is a testament to how YOU are going to be just fine in the long run. In fact, given what I've seen from you here, I have no doubt that you are going to make some very deserving woman very happy someday (and vice versa).

I wanted to add that I highly recommend you seek IC. If you have medical insurance, you can most likely get it covered through that. Don't be afraid to test drive a couple of therapists to find one that understands infidelity and that you click with. A rock solid IC is worth every penny, and then some.

I also suggest that, if you can afford it (or if it's covered under your insurance) that you get your 5yo daughter in to see a therapist too. They will be able to help her process and cope with her family falling apart, so that it minimizes the long-term impact on her (and the chances she'll inadvertently repeat some of the flawed patterns in her own adult life). She may not understand it, but she's certainly being affected by it (and would be whether you tried to D or R). Your wife put your daughter in this position, but you can help her survive it too.

As for your step daughter, I think it's great that you let her know that what was going on has nothing to do with her or how you feel about her. If SD wants you to be part of her life still, then by all means continue to be there for her (obviously, if your WW is throwing up road blocks to that, you may not be able to). But you may be the only stable, rational person in your SD's life, and if you are able to let her know that you will always love her and be there for her, it will help her feel like the ground isn't completely slipping out from underneath her too. Obviously, SD would benefit from her own therapy, if that's at all possible.

Stay strong, and keep fighting the good fight. You WILL survive.

What does the letter say?

Don't ever ever reveal your sources! You may file for D then later R. Never ever reveal your sources. Repeat this to yourself 100 times!

goose---just keep up the divorce process----if she were to come to her senses, and you might wanna try R---then you can stop D. process

I agree with jnj - frequently do....

Ya know...sometimes you gotta be prepared to lose everything - in order to gain something...if she doesnt de-fog, youre just ahead of your game....

Yes this affair crap sucks, but the best way out of a "tug-a-war" is to just let go - dont play...KWIM....

There was a cheezy little ditty from the '60s...."if you love something - let it go.....if it comes back to you - its yours, if it dosnt - it never was"....(yeah...im an old hippy).... .

good luck bro....

Bufffalo

Deep down I wish she would change and come to her senses and be the woman that I married.

Goose-em, you've come through some very tough times and dealt with a person who has treated you cruelly. But never give up hope. Yeah the chances might be slim, maybe you can't imagine it happening, but stranger things have happened.

prepare for the worst, but hope for the best, ya know?

[This message edited by Cee64D at 6:11 PM, March 9th (Wednesday)]

Hello ******,

My name is ******. I believe you are the same ***** ******* married to ***** ***** that lives on **** *** **** *** ****. If you are not, then please disregard this letter as I have mistaken you for a different ***** *****.

If you are however, please continue reading, as there is something very important you need to know. But please know that I take absolutely no joy in communicating this news to you. I am in a state of shock from the news myself and understand what you are going to be experiencing in the days and months to come.

I'm very sorry to be the one to tell you this. But your husband is having an affair with my wife **** *****. They have been seeing each other since Aug of 2010. earlier this week, I confronted my wife with this and she has admitted to the affair with your husband, with whom she works. I further have proof in phone records and texts of their affair. I am willing to share this proof with you if you want or need it. Just let me know.

I assure you that I am not crazy or making this up. I have no desire to hurt you or your family. The ONLY reason I'm telling you is because I think you deserve to know the truth and I would only ask a fellow human being to do the same thing for me.

I know you might not want to contact me right now. I understand that I am a messenger bringing some very bad news to you. However, if you would like more information or would like to discuss this in more detail, you can contact me at **************. I would like to know that you received this email at the very least so that I don't feel the need to contact you through other means.

From the bottom of my heart I'm truly sorry to have been the one to deliver you this news, if you did not already know.

***** *******

Cee64D I LOVE that cartoon!!!

That is AWESOME!!!

That is a good letter goose.

Good luck with whatever comes next.

((((Goose 'em))))))))

That's a very well written letter man,... it sounds well thought out and sincere.

All my best,

Sc

Goose,

Your letter is PERFECT. And good job getting the server.

You are awesome!

Now...the divorce? Is your wife being served tomorrow too? OM's BW will get her information....this will be the perfect storm.

You just sit tight. Your WW will go into panic mode.

My lawyer is drafting up the Docs tomorrow or the next day.

The OM BS should have my letter by the end of the week.

My WW is moving out Friday/Saturday.

I've called her Brother,Sister and parents.

So this weekend..the shit should hit the fan.

Goose...you rock!

You have handled yourself with honor, integrity and intelligence during one of the most trying of times a human being can go through. No matter what happens from here on, know that you rock!

goose....

you have done a pretty good job....sorry bout the 2X4s, some times even I need a kick in the ass. ...

Think chess here....you have positioned your men into position....its your WWs turn to move....one false move - its checkmate...!!

I hate using a game to symbolize infidelity...but chess is a "game" of war....hundreds of years old......

Your wife may very "pull her head outta her ass...maybe not", the question is "where will you be?....if and when that happens"....

180....keep it up, you will survive ...one way or another..

good luck bro....

Bufffalo

Be sure and keep us posted...