SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Don't talk to her UAB.

Nothing good will come out of it.

We all know your heart is screaming to make contact with her, but No Contact ='s No New Hurt.

Hang in there. It does get better.

k9

You know when a child amps up the tantrum? Because you weren't paying attention to the whining? And the child just thinks if they get wild enough in the tantrum, it will make you beg for mercy and give them whatever they want. They'll say "I hate you" with their little lip quivering. Sob. Scream. Say the most vile things they can think of.

Well - she's a bit older so she's got a meaner repertoire. Other than that. there's not much difference between her and the child flat out in the aisle of the grocery store trying to get her way.

Just saying if you give in now, you feed the crazy. She'll do it over and over again. She would just know all she has to do is get mean and outlast you.

Let the deafening silence served with divorce papers speak for you.

[This message edited by k8la at 10:57 PM, May 21st (Thursday)]

I'll be honest.

I broke NC.

And that rant was what I got.

My bad. Learned my lesson.

I'll be honest.

I broke NC.

And that rant was what I got.

My bad. Learned my lesson.

Also you do not play defense you play offense. If you wife writes you or text you just do what I did. My only response for a while was you had another Penis in your mouth. You also had a Penis in your Vagina. I do not believe any words that come out of your mouth. That mouth that had another mans Penis in it has had nothing but that and lies come out of it.

Don't address the VAR at all in any way. You had it for protection and it fell out of your pocket and you did not know where it went anyway.

Keep the upper hand. I would just file and have her served. Don't forget she is blaming you for her banging another guy. You know how sick that is.

It is the equivalent of a Man beating his wife. He says it is not his fault it is her fault. If she would not make him mad he would not have to beat her. Your wife is doing the same to you. She is screwing another man and saying it is your fault. Don't fall for that crap.

Have her served and do not cave. If you want to respond talk about the OM penis inside her body. There is no excuse for doing that to you. Stay strong.

Hello SpaceGhost. Nice to meet you. Good advice. Wish I had been as smart as you at the beginning of all of this. Or even today. And dude, the penis in you stuff is incredible. I'm definitely going on the offensive with that shit.

When I filed for divorce and had my wife was served at work she knew she had no say on anything any more. Have your wife served and take control.

Don't forget what she is doing with the OM.

Thanks for the tip. That's exactly how I need to go into this: Taking back control over ME. I know it's been said a million times, but that's just it. It's sinking in, especially after that vitriol she shot back at me for daring to ask if she's given thought to what she wants to do. Unbelievable that I broke. Never again. I gotta post NEVER AGAIN on my walls or something.

Thank you for coming back to support UAB.

UAB, please listen to Spaceghost. He's a personal hero of mine for a reason.

Teach me, oh SG. Mold me. Help me not be an idiot again.

Keep up the NC, it is working. Do not look for an apartment as she may be moving out.

OM must not have worked out.

Yeah, I should have. And I will. NEVER AGAIN!

Nah, she's still talking to POSOM.

Where's that "blow up stuff" that makes you smile so much? What's it called?

Tannerite. Is it the 30th yet? I can't wait to blow stuff up.

Geez...

If anyone needs to know what blame-shifting looks like, look no further than your WW.

Wow...

I know.

Never again.

Never again.

Never again.

I've spoken for the last time. From now on, crickets. I may just get NEVER AGAIN tattooed to my hands so I don't get tempted to try and talk to her again.

Crickets. D papers and crickets.

Oh no bro, I read that and laughed!

You may not see it but hopefully in the future you'll look back and laugh too.

I didn't laugh when I read it because I found it funny, I hope you saw what I saw and just shook your head in disbelief. Because if you need evidence of what you've been dealing with this whole time there it is.

So there you have it. You take steps to protect yourself, she turns it into you taking steps to hurt her, actions consistent with what you've been doing the entire marriage apparently.

I don't believe she has a plan, other than getting with OM. Unfortunately if this flames out the first person she'll be in touch with is you. She's now in her mind feels justified to do what she did, she just needed an excuse.

So bro, NC. Go dark. Have her sign the papers. Do not rise to her baiting of you, which she will do without a doubt. She will try to prod, poke and provoke you. Let her twist in the wind.

Just focus on healing you and stay away from her crazy.

Wow !!

And so begins the marital rewrite and projecting.... classic behaviour from the Cheaters Handbook

I don't think your poor likkle wife likes strong, tough, decisive UAB and has resorted to throwing a hissy fit !

Keep on keeping on, you're doing great, and next time breaking NC crosses your mind reread her rant and the idea will rapidly lose it's appeal....

I am sorry but now you know why NC is a must. Talking to her about how you feel just gives her ammunition to fight against you. She will and can accept her wrong doings you won’t change that.

By her email IMHO you can see the next

She is experiencing what is called “rationalization” or “hamster rationalization“. In a few words is what cheaters do to rewrite in their heads how the marriage to justify the A. was

She cannot rewrite the facts of the marriage but is rewriting the way she felt all of this is years. This is BS!!! You can read about it on the wayward side, how WS felt that the marriage, BS, etc. were way much worse than they really were.

Other thing, of course is about OM, the rush, etc. but she won’t admit it!!!

She is trying to justify her affair, that why, besides the rationalization, she is blaming you for the whole pain she is, that you had caused her such suffering because you don’t love her anymore!!! Fantasy land is fading and she can sense it…

Her email hurts like hell, even how irrational and delusional as it is, because she knows you and knows how to manipulated you, the thing is that her manipulation tactics are working like they used to so she is putting more pressure. It is normal she where you are weak and is going to use it.

Other thing, I believe it is all about OM because from what I have read, when the WS is not in love with the BS they don’t justify or fight, and AP is plays a secondary role and even despaired as they know is not about him. This is not your case!!!

You should really slap her into reality by getting her serve. But hold no hope that she will come back to you, sometimes they do, sometimes they don’t, better expect the worse.

I believe you lose your hope. I think you were doing all this hoping she will wake up; the thing is that for saving your marriage you need to be willing to lose it and even then not always work.

IMHO you should send her and email informing her how things will work from now on, something like:

“WW:

You know what you did and the consequences of it. You made your mind and chose your way. Please put on your big girl panties and stop blaming me. There were other ways if you were so unhappy, there was no need to lie, deceive and betrayed. Even after first kiss with OM you should have ask me for D… You know what you did very well.

I won’t bother you any more with my feelings and I demand the same from you from now on.

I will file for D and I wish we can make it easy and fast for all of us sake. Despite the circumstances I will not mention you Affair in the petition as I don’t want to fight you anymore, even it would be more beneficial for me, all I want is the D done.

Keep son out of this mess, I will, he is a fine young man and deserves from you and from me. He knows all my wrong as well as yours; he is an adult now and has his own thought about all this mess.

From now on I will any communicate with you by email and text and only about Son and D matters.

You will be served in the next days, I am telling you not to bother but to let you know I got nothing to hide, no second agendas and to show you that I want this process to be civil and amicable.

My lawyer is:

(PUT HERE LAWYERS CONTACT INFO)

Reach him for any doubts you may have and to give him your lawyers contact info.

UAD”

DARK. Crickets.

Until she gets served papers.

Otherwise you are looking at much darker times for yourself.

Don't beat yourself up over breaking the NC. In this case, I think it was actually helpful in the long run, because it will help/already has helped you realise how f-ed up she is, and it will make it much easier for you to maintain NC in the future. So I think in this case breaking NC was a blessing in disguise.

How's IC going?

Best wishes

Don't write her anything.

Just file.

IMO she has been dishonest to herself as well as you. The relationship with OM will not last. She will blame you for driving her into his embrace. Of course if OM really likes her pvssy, he will offer to pay for your son's college. Who knows he may pony up.

Have you read SpaceGhost's thread? Many wondered what happened to him.

I've been up all night thinking. Time to sever tired and get on with my life.

First order of business at sunrise is telling the lawyer to file.

She'll figure it out when she gets served.

IC is going well, btw. My therapist gave me some exercises to work on being assertive. They'll come in handy. Nothing more assertive than filing and leaving that whore in the dust.

Yes, I read through SpaceGhost's thread. Brilliant stuff. My new hero! Teach me, sensei!

*slaps hand*

Naughty UAB! No rising to the crazy bait!

You're never going to get the answers you seek from the crazy lady, didn't your mum ever tell you to keep away from the lunacy and never engage with the unhinged?

Naughty, naughty, naughty!

No, because my mom WAS one of the loony and unhinged. Perhaps that's why I'm drawn to it?

Oh dear, you really didn't know any better

Well, Auntie Molly is telling you now; Naughty!

unloved,

I am glad you have found the conviction to file tomorrow.

Don't think about her anymore, I can understand the grasping at the last bit of hope in breaking NC which she smashed with her response to you.

Let me also say this, list to spaceghost, please take his advise. He has just come out of his own hell as well recently. I know you read his thread. :)

From here, don't worry about breaking NC, what is done is done. Move forward now, you have your plan tomorrow with your attorney... we will be here...

sending strength.

[This message edited by atreides at 5:33 AM, May 22nd (Friday)]

Very late to the thread UAB but have been following it with increasing incredulity as to your WW's fuckedupness and I would echo the other posters who recommend taking a hard line with her. Time to file my friend as I believe she is 'gone'.

I really do feel for you and congratulate you on being so strong in the face of wifely adversity.

No, because my mom WAS one of the loony and unhinged. Perhaps that's why I'm drawn to it?

I realise I'm jumping way ahead here but I say the following in the anticipation that your WW will in all likelihood not be coming back to you, and that at some point in the future, long after this shitstorm is over, you will be ready to start dating again.

"Perhaps that's why I'm drawn to it"?....This is so important moving forward.

Once you have ditched your 'head up her ass' WW and given continued IC YOU will have a level of understanding, knowledge and emotional intelligence that will help you make much healthier choices in future. SHE however...actually who cares what she does?

Best wishes.