SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Rocket, I used this company to find out some information about the OM, his employment was the main thing I wanted.

www.docusearch.com

Hey Rocket: whats going on? Can you post an update.

Let us help you!

Update

I still haven't confronted her. Still working on finding om's wife, plus I'm not sure how I'm going to go about it exactly.

Like I said before, her and I talked a couple times about our marriage last week. I initiated. Brought it up to see if she would break down, she didn't. I do think it put it in her head that I may know something. But she's not asking too many questions or pressing me. I keep dropping small hints. I'm kidding myself I know. She went for a two hour walk with her advising whore friend the other night. I know it came up. She told me her friend showed her how to finger print lock her phone. Too late for that.

I should win an award for the acting job I'm doing now. I figure why not, she has for well over a year. We had a family night tonight. Her idea!! We haven't had one in forever. She's full of shit I know she may have an inkling I know and she wants to act like a family and I may cave in when it comes time to confront or I'll go easy on her. That was hard to get through. Only did it for my kid.

So, I'm working on it. If I can't 100% find OM wife by mid week I'm going to confront without it. I can't keep it in much longer. I need to move forward. This really sucks. I still can't believe it. I know so many fucked up guys who treat their wives like shit. Demean them, ridicule them in front of people and kids etc. I have never even called my wife a bitch during a fight let alone anything else. How the hell does this happen to me? Whatever was wrong with our marriage shouldn't have deserved this result. Fucked up.

Thank you all for trying to help me with this. I really do appreciate it.

Hang in there Rocket, I can't even imagine how hard it must be to not have confronted her yet. But you are doing the right thing trying to find OM wife first.

There's this site called, namefromphone.com, if you have his number you could get lucky and it gives you a name?

Keep us updated.

Nothing was wrong with your marriage to cause this. I'm glad you know that. Unfortunately something was wrong with her. It's hard but you WILL come out on the other end and heal.

Please please please do not confront your wife until you get to the other BS.

Also, print off the texts and hide them away from your home.

what happened to me:

I confronted my spouse,

He immediately contacted OW

She told her H how I was crazy.

I did not tell my H family to help save face, so he told them everything I ever did wrong in my life so now they don't talk to me and won't listen to me, didn't even believe he had an affair until very recently.

Her H thought (still thinks) nothing was going on.

I wanted to show OBS the subpoenaed texting records and before I could, my WS atty got the judge to put a restraining order on me prohibiting me from showing these to anyone.

It really wakes up WS when the s**t hits the fan at once (Spouse of OM) and explodes and their lives are exposed.

This is what you want. A total wake up call.

Affairs are like mold and mushrooms, they thrive in the dark, when exposed by daylight they wither and die.

She told me her friend showed her how to finger print lock her phone.

I think it is odd your wife would tell you this if she is trying to be so secretive. It sort of sounds like your wife wants you do discover the affair and stop it. That might sound odd, but reading enough on here from other WW's, that is not terribly uncommon.

I hope you can find the wife of the OM soon so you can get this out in the open and go from there. Wherever there leads to.

Hire a PI. Or get a friend to follow her. Then maybe you can find out who the dude is and find his wife from there. I had it easy. I did most of my research on OW by facebook. Then I spent days on Google (which had more) and yahoo tracking down her address, and her boyfriend's name and info. I got his number from the white pages. Tracked him down by, do you know so and so. Well, she had an affair with my husband.

Do you know anyone from her workplace that can give you more info?

Pretend you are sick with something. Don't give her any hints that you know.

Rocket - I'm pulling for you dude. Sounds like you are having trouble finding the OM. Without getting a PI, its not cheap. here are some suggestions

1) Go to Walmart and buy a new baseball hat, shirt and sunglasses. If you don't have a good camera, buy a cheapo one with a good telephoto zoom lens as well.

2) Buy a cheap motorola cell phone using a prepaid plan. Turn on the GPS feature and turn off all sound prompts on the phone and hide it in her car. Activate the GPS feature and then you will be able to track her. For details see here http://gizmodo.com/5691724/how-to-track-your-vehicle-on-the-cheap

2) You know your WW's patterns. The next day she is scheduled to meet OM, rent a car for the day and park it around the corner from your home.

3) Once she leaves, go around the corner, hop into the new car with your disguise and FOLLOW her.

4) Once she stops the car and gets out, snap as many photos as you can. Of the OM, his car, anything. Photos of them together, the hotel they go into, etc.

Stay cool. Once you get this information, you will have a lot more basis. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE listen to other posters. Don't confront until you have enough good evidence. Else they will simply go farther underground.

Hey Rocket, how are you doing?

I hope "getting my ducks in a row" is still the answer.

The biggest part of getting your ducks in a row is seeing an attorney right now.

When I gave my attorney om's phone number - I knew everything the next day. Attorneys have investigative resources. Contacts. You will know.

Shouldering the investigative effort to find his wife - hold off on that. Let your attorney find her.

It's a "twofer" really.

You protect yourself AND get info.

Please see an attorney and lay it all out.

Sending you "Oscar-worthy" strength!

Looking for attorney now. Should have last week. Reality is hitting me. Wife and I talk about our marriage. Her still not knowing what I know. I think she's ok with divorce. She doesn't love me anymore. Hard to say even after what she's done to me. I'll get through. Just a feeling of sadness today. Tomorrow may be anger. Who knows. She's indifferent. It's over. I'll bring her and everybody involved down eventually. I don't mean illegally either. Just fucked up right now.

Rocket)))

You're going to be ok man.

We are here for you. Listening.

Getting an attorney will take a load off.

Do it.

I got the Oscar ready. You're good.

Step by step brother. You got this.

I am waiting on results from a search I am doing through docusearch. Hoping I get a confirmation of the address I found last week. Just want to be sure.

She doesn't love me anymore

Did she say this to you last night?

Affairs can be such a ridiculous fantasy until the moment of truth when it is all out in the open. Especially when the OM throws the WW under the bus.

Good luck on that search. I remember the feeling well, waiting with that I got you now anticipation.

Rocket:

The woman you married is not the same woman before you now. Think of her as someone doped up on a drug. Because thats exactly what Affairs are -- being high on a drug. The behaviours and patterns that she is showing you now is unrecognizable.

I guarantee that once you expose this affair, the shit will hit the fan. You will see real fear in her voice. She will tremble at your feet. Then, and only then, will the real woman you married will reveal herself to you.

Until that time point, do not take anything she says to heart. The marriage may be over, but it may not. We are here to help save your marriage, and HELP YOU TO DECIDE whether you want to stay or not.

Keep digging, let us know what you find out.

I agree completely.

It is unreal how a WW can act and especially during an affair.

[This message edited by craig2001 at 8:05 AM, February 25th (Tuesday)]

Rocket,

Perhaps this will give you some ideas and help.

If you have been laying hints, expressing your values of fidelity, love, caring and giving.. with her reactions of her taking her secret into far being more careful.. fingerprint her phone. It does not sound like she will confess. Take some pride in yourself for giving her an opportunity to be more open with you.

It is OK to accept that. Your good will come in time. This will only be temporary pain.

Perhaps you should now begin a plan of what you are going to say and do when you confront.

If it were me, I would go ahead and get my legal stuff in order first. Totally with jjct's post. An evil woman in fear will take all your money quickly. And yes, she is living her life in evil right now.

Completely read the 180 behaviors and make sure you follow each and every one. Be ready. Because for some odd reason, when you stand strong, she most likely will find that most attractive. She might try and use sex to lure you back. And that is fine, but until you know for sure she wants a marriage not based in only sex, or tricks, lies, but rather only in all the loves, she cannot be worthy of you unless complete honesty now. You will be presenting her from a standpoint of strenght and good values.

I am not big on following or tracking. It is too much work and wears on your mental health. Let someone else you hire do that work and just give you a report if you must know. It will be worth the dollars. It really does not matter who.. It matters she already is this person and you already know.

If you take an attitude of being.. I am worthy of being treated fairly and I will eliminate anyone in my life who is not worthy of joining in my own happiness. I accept life is not always fair. But I can dust myself off and change.

IMO, A good strong man will just lay the papers down for her to sign or at he least say this is our end.

Perhaps with a comment like this. Wife, my value is fidelity. This document is your choice, not mine. I am sorry you make this choice. It is not the choice I wanted for me, our kids, our friends and family. (A bone, a flickr of hope, love always hopes, if you can handle it and still want your marriage. She might awake.) I believe I can and will try to forgive you no matter what happens in should this now be the end. At that time.. NO LONG discussions. Be patient.

Then 100% the 180. Begin to be independent and move on. Listen and observe.

You just gave her what her fears could not do from the beginning. A piece of your wife really wants this marriage, for whatever reason. But a piece does not. A strong stance will give you the answer you need.

A woman will make her choice to stay married or not. A maybe is a no.

What you then look for is a person who will immediately dump the OM. They will seek a refuge, not with the OM, but seek out why she did what she did. She will answer all your questions, you will know who this OM is and why she started her relationship. She will want to be honest. She will seek help, counseling, giving you an apology, asking for forgiveness, perhaps turning to God, accepting the fact she made a huge mistake and decides on her own to change. You will see it, with her own behaviors because she will want to share these with you. It will come in the form of cards, attention to you. She will not play games any more.

Be warned. The degree of the coming pain will depend on whether you both confront the situation head on or choose to avoid it. Unfortunately, many people will choose to live in limbo instead of moving forward into a more passionate and purposeful life. Limbo = misery

Peace brother.

[This message edited by trynhard at 11:50 AM, February 25th (Tuesday)]

IMO, A good strong man will just lay the papers down for her to sign or at he least say this is our end.

Perhaps with a comment like this. Wife, my value is fidelity. This document is your choice, not mine. I am sorry you make this choice. It is not the choice I wanted for me, our kids, our friends and family. (A bone, a flickr of hope, love always hopes) I believe I can and will try to forgive you no matter what happens in should this now be the end.

Then 100% the 180. Begin to be independent and move on. Listen and observe.

You just gave her what her fears could not do from the beginning. A piece of your wife really wants this marriage, for whatever reason. But a piece does not. A strong stance will give you the answer you need.

A woman will make her choice to stay married or not. A maybe is a no.

What you then look for is a person who will immediately dump the OM. They will seek a refuge, not with the OM, but seek out why she did what she did. She will answer all your questions, you will know who this OM is and why she started her relationship. She will want to be honest. She will seek help, counseling, giving you an apology, asking for forgiveness, perhaps turning to God, accepting the fact she made a huge mistake and decides on her own to change. You will see it, with her own behaviors because she will want to share these with you. It will come in the form of cards, attention to you. She will not play games any more.

Be warned. The degree of the coming pain will depend on whether you both confront the situation head on or choose to avoid it. Unfortunately, many people will choose to live in limbo instead of moving forward into a more passionate and purposeful life. Limbo = misery

I second this....particularly the limbo.

It is important that you keep moving, and keep taking action. Hopefully you will find the OM's wife soon. Even if you can't reach her, you can approach your wife. Just be prepared to follow through whatever path she chooses. This is not a game of chicken...waiting for the first to flinch...this is your life and future, and what you want from this point forward.

Please don't feel either powerless, or in a position of weakness compared to your wife. Not only are you two equal, but you are superior at the present...for obvious reasons. Don't think otherwise.

trynhard makes excellent points and explanations are well written.

My only regret:

I would only add that I wish I had separated (kicked her out) for some period of time. To physical show I was willing to separate permanently, let her get the taste of being in the real world without me, and for me to get my head together. Hell, I might not have wanted her back at all after a week to myself.