SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I think what you meant to write was...

'Sorry I let you down on Wednesday. In light of the fact that I have been having an affair for the last six months and put you and my boys through the pain, anguish and total destruction that is caused by betrayal, in light of the fact I have mentally and emotionally ABUSED you for months, the VERY LEAST I could have done was stick to a promise and given you the chance of some sleep, when you were clearly unwell. But instead I chose to put myself and my 'cock' first, as I have done for months now and go towards the path of least resistance and someone who gives me an easier time.

I could have spent the last few weeks, trying to address the mess I've created for my children, especially as you have specifically told me that my children are hurting that would be a logical step for a grown up of 36 years old, but instead I've carried on manipulating, lying and behaving like a total piece of shit.

I realise now that all you'd wanted was some sleep. Sleep is hard for you because you lie awake most nights not sleeping after listening to the boys cry, heartbroken that the safe secure world of those precious babes has been devastated by my selfish and frankly teenage behaviours. I'm sorry you cry at every picture with a 'daddy' in it and your heart hurts when you see other families together and you think of the devastated lives of our boys who didn't deserve any of the shitstorm I've launched them into. I'm sorry that you keep praying to all the gods that I'll become a better person and finally the boys will have a daddy they can be proud of, because right now they just have one who choses himself and his penis over their needs and wellbeing. I know you must be relieved that you didn't fall for my complete bullshit last weekend because if you had, I'd have just hurt you and the boys all over again, because that's who I am. I'm sorry that you had shown me warmth and kindness despite being so broken, I'm sorry that you'd spent time considering how we could manage Greece together as a coparenting unit, when all I was doing was manipulating, lying and plotting.

I'm sorry that for six months I have systematically let my family down, that I have watched you lose weight, develop anxiety... that I have watched my eldest boy beg me not to leave, not to hurt you all again... that I have chosen to let you all down... that I have read things and written things that are painful and damaging for you and the children and have been ok with that because my dick came first. I have looked at texts joking about leaving my boys and been ok with that, because that is who I am now. A man who is completely and utterly unprotective over my boys needs.

That one goodwill gesture could have set a positive chain of events in motion but yet again I chose to press the destruction button because of my sense of entitlement and selfishness and view that... I come first. When everyone knows that when you have young vulnerable children they should.

I'm truly sorry.'

I'm sure this is what you meant to write... right?!?!?

You stood before God and man; your family and friends as well as mine, to promise me your faithfulness and love forever.

After what you did, I don't know how you can call yourself "an honest man" in your heart let alone on social media.

You are a coward and a fool. No matter where you walk on this Earth, for as long as you live, without really admitting your crime to me and others who knew us, you are nothing but a deceitful liar.

I "went back on my word"? First of all, I never gave you my word. You bullied me in the midst of the biggest trauma of my life; because you knew I was destroyed, off balance, and weak as a newborn baby. I caved and went along with your "plan."

If you feel I'm going back on my "word," I ask you this:

HOW DOES IT FEEL!!!!!! Hopefully like you're getting f***ed in the ass by a fire extinguisher! The large commercial type.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 1:14 PM, May 20th (Sunday)]

I so want to tell you this, but I am not.

This is what you gave up our 35 year marriage for. I think you are only aware of what she told you and I'm sure you don't have her whole story. I told you were just her next and not her last. You were (are) so obsessed you didn't hear a thing.

Well here it is. I can back it up.

1991 - she graduated from HS

1993- 1st marriage to a man 35 years older. two children.

2001 - 2nd marriage

2005 - pregnant by another man, engaged, broken engagement, third child

2010 - dating a married man.

2011 - 3rd marriage to the married man

2015 - cheating with you

2018 -she is still married and you are divorced.

nothing but a cheater, manipulator and not a word I use, but if the whore fits???

You absolute self centred piece of s@&t! You have no idea what you’ve started do you! To self absorbed to either realise or care about the about the fall out. You have changed your daughters life forever all because you couldn’t keep your dick in your pants. You’re so thick! I hate you!

I though you were staying at the club tonight? So why exactly are you offering to take the kids to daycare? It's like an hours drive. If you have to go to work tomorrow, which I thought you didn't, you wouldn't drive through here and make a huge detour.

Does it actually mean that you are staying with the 'hole'? The one you said makes you sick and is just a change from masturbating? Really? You are honestly that pathetic that you would go to *her* out of all the people?

Or does it mean that you have found a new 'friend' to console you in your time of need? This is how long it took you to replace me? To find a new 'home'? 6 days?

You know what? F*** you! I have better things to think about than where you are sleeping. F*** you!

You looked handsome today. You winked at me. Then you hugged me. It actually felt a little bit good, like hugging a dear friend you haven't seen in a long long time.

I'm calling it what it is:. I haven't so much as kissed a man in 5 months. You've been my only in decades. You smelled and felt like a man. But you are a snake in the grass. A wolf in sheep's clothing. A Trojan horse.

I will maintain my distance.

Divorce moves forward.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 4:46 AM, May 26th (Saturday)]

I used to think so highly of you. I loved you more than anything. I gave you my trust, my heart, my life, my all. Now I think of you as nothing but an empty stranger, a ghost of a man, a cowardly liar. I can't believe what you have done, how in one fell swoop you destroyed everything we built together. The devastation you've left in your wake is unfathomable but you are oblivious to it. You crushed my heart and shit on my soul. I feel like such a chump, but you are much worse than a chump. Someone once called you a duplicitous manipulator and I jumped to defend you, but sadly they were right. I'm very sad for you, and despite the extreme grief and pain you have caused me, I would never want to be in your shoes that don't know this kind of pain and likely never will. You are a sad, sad human being. When I forgive you (and I hope I do) know that it will be for my sake, not yours. You say you love me but what does love even mean to you???? I don't understand you at all.

[This message edited by burninghouse at 7:18 PM, May 26th (Saturday)]

You're not ready to move out?? Really?? Well, whoah is fucking me!!!

Was I ready when you decided to check out of our marriage years ago? Was I ready when you decided to lie through your teeth against my wishes and allow fuck-face to drill you in the back of his van, you human excrement of a person? Was I ready for your continued lies during our joke of a reconciliation attempt?

Yet here your are bemoaning your lack of funds and how hard life will be on your own! SO...FUCKING...WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have you no shame at all? Who the fuck are you?

How can you claim to be remorseful when all you show is arrogant entitlement? You walk around the house, laughing and giggling, making inane comments at who-fucking-knows-what, with this air of "I will not let my actions define me! I am a good person that is thankful for this life!" Give me a fucking break. How fake can you be? You have a black hole for a heart.

I don't know if you are what karma has sent me for a previous transgression or if I'm being set up for something impossibly amazing. But for now, fuck my life. And fuck you.

Stay the fuck away from me you narc. I despise you. Fuck you.

After your trip to STL today, I see very clearly that you will never be faithful to me. You will never treat me how I deserve. You can get angry because you got caught. You can call me names. You can try and make it look like my fault. You can act like im the bad guy and say you should have divorced me months ago. No matter what you say, I will not react with anger. I am choosing to leave this madness. I will not respond to your childish threats. You lied too many times so I am moving on. I am sorry that you thought you could continue to string me along while you messed around with MB. I have given you too many chances and am tired of the pick me game. She is all yours. Kitty out.

Another family event you weren't included in. But this was mine, not the kids.

Once again, I realized that you would have tried to make it about you and all these years I have let it happen.

Graduating nursing school was MINE! You didn't pay for it, you weren't there to support me, or participate in the joy of the new me. You didn't even know I was going.

You have lost the privilege of knowing who I am and who I am becoming. My future is MINE.

I know that this is supposed to be a vent only thread. No dialogue, but I just can't stop myself on this one.

CONGRATULATIONS hcsv !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

^^^^^What Ohfor said!!

I cannot wait until we are divorced, you selfish prick. I see you. And now DD1 does, too. She has always been an old soul. You knew this. You just can't get out of your own way. Go fuck yourself. I'm getting every damned dollar I can out of this divorce, because FUCK YOU.

I hear you snoring (arsehole)

My hearing perks up when you stop......

.......

.......

.......

.......

..................................... only to f#cking start up again.

FFS

How low do I go, to actually be willing you to stop fucking breathing?

And yet - here I am

You?

Sweet fucking dreams..... you arsehole

I never wanted this, but I've told you so many times I know full well you don't care. And yet, somehow, even though this was all your decision, all your doing, you find ways to be unhappy whenever I've done well without you. You thought I was going to fall apart, didn't you? You thought I was going to become the pitiful loser you seemed to have always thought I was. In spite of all the things I've told you I'd overcome in my life, for some reason you must have thought you were going to watch my life collapse while you ride off into the sunset with your new boytoy. I could hear the disbelief every time my life was blessed, the anger every time some good thing happened for me.

There were times it nearly stole my joy, that someone I loved so much could be upset when things went well for; that the person I'd most often wanted to share my successes with seemed to now hate me for them. That that caused me pain, too, I can't stand you knowing anything about my life anymore.

I took my placement test today and rocked it, and I pray you never know; I don't want your negativity to ruin another happy occasion for me. In a few months, I'll be in nursing school. I'll spend the next few years working my butt off, and I'll graduate. And when I get that RN on my badge, I don't want you to know about any of it. If I think about you then, it'll be in realization of what I accomplished without you. How much I would have wanted to share this with you, but that I could do it in spite of you.

There were so many days I spent thinking about how much you and he must have laughed at the pain you caused me, the way you threw me out onto the street when I was most sick probably thinking I'd never get back up and, most painfully, laughing together at how hard I worked to "make things right" before I knew about him.

Well, like the song says, you can hate me now. You can hate me now for finding a way to manage my condition. You can hate me now for finding a job, and then a better one, and yet again a better one. You can hate me now for losing all the weight I gained when I got sick, and my new physique. You can hate me now for the car, the tailored clothes, the new friends, getting my CNA, going back to school, and in a few years you can hate me for the career I'll be starting as an OR nurse. You can hate me all you want for all of it, because I just don't give a shit, anymore. I thought I'd never be able to live without you, but now I see all the things I've done without you.

I will always love you, I wish I didn't, but I will. But I don't need you, and I see now I never did.

You took my Corvette to go get drugs. My classic Corvette that you bought me last year as amends for the crack smoking and whore fucking you did. My dream car. That, btw, I have been paying for since you lost your job a couple months ago. Then you drive it to get drugs? You c***. For one, I am not supposed to be the one making the payments on that car. It certainly is making my budgeting a bit more challenging now that I have to get a home on my own without you. Two, HOW FUCKING DARE YOU USE THAT CAR TO DO EXACTLY WHAT IT WAS AN APOLOGY FOR???? Man, fuck you. Really. Could you have possibly told me to go fuck myself in any better way?

Yeah, I took the damned keys back. HATE hate hate hate. If you're determined to kill yourself, hurry up and do it before you fuck anyone up worse than you have already. Jackass.

Wait..I guess I actually did just say most of that stuff to you. So I violated the thread, lol. Oops.

I'm now in the process of working out if you just totally lack empathy and compassion or you're just an utter utter POS! You constantly say you want back with your family. That you love me. That you always have. But then you know Thursdays are hard for me. You know how anxious I get and nothing. No text, no call, nothing. It's four in the morning and I'm lying here awake planning my next move. Do I serve you papers now or watch and wait more? I'm mentally and emotionally exhausted. I can't fight for our children anymore. Your stupidity just overwhelms me. Your inability to put our beautiful children first is staggering. Your constant desire to fuck the POS who has wilfully and knowingly caused our boys pain and hurt is just utterly disgusting. You disgust me. But then she does come up with all these novel new ways of sex play and you just can't get enough can you!?! It's all too fecking exciting and worth so much more than your family. Don't think I don't know... because I do!