SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Your daughter became a doctor on Friday.

She successfully defended her PhD dissertation and at age 32 she has DR before her name. And you weren't invited to attend. she didn't want you there, didn't want you even to know it was happening. But she had friends, family, classmates, professors who came to support her. Everyone who was there, mattered to her and she mattered to them.

She was incredible. She was confident both in person and dissertation content.The accolades of her committee members brought me to tears. They told her at this time she was the single most expert in this field. They told her she had a pulitzer prize winning book if she wanted. I am so incredibly proud of her.

You should have been there. It wasn't supposed to be like this. But these are consequences to your actions. Consequences you are not capable of understanding because then you would have to take responsibility for those actions. and of course, NOTHING is your fault.

On the other hand, I'm glad you weren't there because you would have somehow made it about you. I heard you make fun of her and her PhD quest to the OW. you didn't even know what she was researching. I know you would have somehow made this about you. you would have somehow taken away this accomplishment from her. I'm not sure you could have even shown her pride.

Also, your son is getting married and you are not invited. He said why would he include you to celebrate his vows when you shit on your own?

I told you early on that your relationship with your three adult children was yours to repair or destroy. you've made your choice and it seems.... so have they.

I just keep thinking that we are going to be no contact forever and it's going to be hard. I want to reach out and see if you are ok but I expect you and her are happily checking each other's wellbeing. You haven't been in touch. You are sticking to NC. I just miss the 'morning, have a fab day' texts. I know it doesnt make you less of a liar or s cheat but I miss the good bits. I miss believing in you. I miss thinking there is hope and I despise knowing that I actually need to protect myself from you. This ball of pain in my stomach is building. I am so glad to be back at work after the holidays. I've taken my ring off. Hoping the students don't notice...I can't handle their sniggers. They're so mean here.... Day 3. NC.

NC day 4 - is that all???? So you know, I know. Even your own dad knows you were in the pub all over her. I just figured it was her birthday Easter weekend. Of course you declined having the kids Bank Holiday Monday. Of course you sent me a long, complicated text to explain why you wouldn't have them. Of course I only hear what I want to hear! You say you're not with her and disappointed in others for telling me you are with her, but actually I'm listening to people who care about my well-being, who care that I could be made an idiot of again. I'm listening to my intuition. Your own brother told you dad that you two are back together. You were seen, all over one another, a day after you told me you needed us to go away together. I want to be outraged, to say WTF?, but actually I know you lie and lie and lie and deceive. You say I don't see anything clearly, that you're confused and have demons but love me. It's not true. You don't love anyone but yourself. I cannot help you. I cannot see you. I am resigned to a lifetime of disappointment for our kids. You will let them down like you let down your other daughter. All I can do is stay NC and not open myself to your pain. She can have you. She can deal with your shit.

NC Day 5: fuck you this is getting easier. I had a god chat with my boss and I had a call from a possible job. I have employment options; money upgrade options; housemove options; true friends who want the best for me; not people who want to take my money or take cocaine or get involved with crap decisions. I will get past your hurt. I really think you are lost, but it doesn't matter because I will be ok. I will be ok and I will do the right things for our kids. My disappointment is getting smaller because I know what to expect....I know you are with her....I know you will show her off in town like a prize. You against the world. Well good luck because no one is cheering you on. Your kids will despise this decision because it's s bad one. It's sad all round, but I will rise. I am leaving you to her. She is welcome to you. I on the other hand am rebuilding myself, looking hard at my decisions. I will be ok. I am loved and I am doing the right things.

Yet more people telling me of things they have heard and seen. I'd only been home from work 10 minutes. My neighbours husband saw you in the pub. My neighbour saw her in your shared (retrieved) car waiting outside your house. My mum has been told by my cousin that you and I are getting back together - apparently you told work colleagues. So you obviously believed more than you gave me, but you STILL spent time with her in the llast 2.5 weeks. I feel sad now. I raged earlier. You were having the kids. I worked hard to get school work done and have the evening to myself, now they won't stay the night so you are freed up to have a night with her again. I'm glad you didn't even text me about the kids. I'm really glad because I don't trust myself not to send anger and hurt and I don't trust you not to lie to me. I need my own course. I need to free myself otherwise I will live on edge and distrust forever. I am not yours. You and not mine. I am not responsible. You two are chaotic. I am staying NC. I can do this. I am doing this, one day, one night at a time. But god I'm sad. Reading people's reconciliation stories, knowing that all we have done and said is normal. All we have felt is normal. Oh well, I just have to stay on this rollercoaster for longer than I thought.

I miss laughing with you more than anything. I downloaded one of our TV shows, and watching it brought out so many memories. I think the best memories I have are laughing with you.

I wish I had been stronger. Maybe this wouldn't have been my only option and we could have had a chance. Even deleting your number and blocking you on social media, almost a year divorced and I'm painshopping again in my head. Thinking about the numerous ways you have moved forward, what we could be doing, the experiences we could have shared. I've tried, so hard. Faking it til I make it. Except you can't fake everything, and I'm mostly just failing.

Why did you do this? I didn't deserve this.

Today is a bad fuckn day. I hate that you still have control over my mind. I feel this debilitating anxiety because of you! I cant move without fear I'm going to fuck up somehow. I hate you, I hate you know and ENJOY having this power over me. I want to scream and cry and die and scream some more. I hate what you've done to me!

7 days NC. Why didn't I do this before? I feel lighter and easier. The less I know or hear of your life, the better I am. I feel freer, I'm lighter in attitude. Kids have been better at school - a reflection of their teacher? Our kids are good too, even though they've had s few problems with friendships. I feel like I have freed myself - instead of waiting for you to free me. me and the kids will negotiate this together and we'll be ok. I expect you'll be out drinking heavily tonight as you've been paid and your IVA kicks in so you'll have disposable income (rescued from your mess again). I'm just hoping you keep off the Coke otherwise it'll be flulike symptoms all day and the kids won't want to come to you because of the state you are in tomorrow night. We'll see. Enough about you today, let's make this about me and our fab girls enjoying some sun this weekend finally!

It's 2.24am and I won't give you this energy. I am a little drunk, but I refuse to give in. NC, all the way. I saw her tonight, as I suspected in a tiny dress. I chose NOT to, I am aware that without lenses I couldn't see her!!!! Hahahahaha!!! I just don't care, I don't want my time dominated by you. Bye bye

[This message edited by BarbsMarbs at 8:35 PM, April 21st (Saturday)]

Started seeing each other.!!! Thank goodness you had time to "sort your demons" must have been all of 3 minutes between your text to me about us being together and fucking her again Easter weekend. Birthday special... mind you, I'm told the things she does with men are pretty spectacular so no wonder you're in love. She has a way, with married men especially. In love? Its lust you fucking blind idiot. That's what being in love is. Like I said. That bits easy. Still I'm glad you'll be able to work it out together now. Perhaps you can have joint therapy? It's literally laughable. I'm not hurting because of you, I'm hurting because I allowed myself to be deceived again and because the kids will have to hear it again..... aggghhhhhh. I hate you because I did listen.... I'm an idiot.

Spies? Easter weekend you told me you wanted us to go down South and be a family. That you were my husband and I would have your devoted love and attention and so would our kids. That was wonderful. You said you had demons too and I said you needed to work on them. Next day or so you were seen all over her in the pub - her birthday of course..... "Embarrassing" was the word used. So do I need to ask if you were with her again? No I don't. Why should I ask? Yet again, MY husband who wanted me to move him away from the drama was making a fool of me in public. So yes, that hurt. 3 weekends ago is all and now you're in love and just seeing her.... It hurts because I was prepared to forgive you, to get over the lies. It hurts because I believed you did need to stand on your own two feet. It hurts because I spent 2 weeks helping you. It hurts because we had sex that week. Over those two Easter weeks you kept saying I deserved better - that's what you do when you are being dishonest with me. You told me yourself you "dwindle it down".... sad thing is, you are in love with a woman who loves married men and the thrill of breaking up marriages. She has zero morals and zero remorse. 5 kids from two marriages are damaged, her own 3 are a total mess. You even told me yourself that you only stayed with her not to lose face in the pub... you say people know nothing, but I'm sure all her girlfriends knew last night and I'm sure she'll be public posting on FB before long. It's sad that you can love someone who enjoys that but it's your choice and happily it means you'll keep away from me. So finally I have nothing for you. I love not hearing from you - my life is stress free, I'm a different person. Last night's text was sheer frustration that I cannot go out and relax without your crap choices getting in my face. I have nothing left for you. Literally nothing.

My whole world, my whole safe secure loving happy world feels like it's been a lie. The drinking, the hiding drink, the massive debt, the dodgy websites for bisexual hook ups?!?, the affair, the way you disregarded our boys feelings so heartlessly, who are you? Are you safe for my children? I'm not asking this to be bitter or twisted. I'm asking this genuinely, I'm scared. I'm waking up and I'm scared about who you are.

Dude, at what time in the last 10 years did YOU do something, anything to enrich MY life? Take my hand? Ask about....anything??? Don't bother to answer that, it's pointless. Just ..fuck the fuck off. Finally.

You are a POS and an AH. I knew it, my gut knew it. It is always right. Months and months of no contact from her and them BAM incoming text messages. That B is still in your life. You are leaving me and your family for a narcissistic whore. I cannot believe after everything you saw from her over the past 8 months, everything you told me she did to you, everything you know to be true, that you would be back in contact with her. She is evil and manipulative. She was awful to you. She made fun of you. She lied about you and she lied to you. You aren’t worth my tears. You aren’t worth my effort. I deserve so much more. I hope she makes you very happy…but who are we kidding, we both know she is going to make you miserable. I wish you the very best but I am officially moving on with my life.

Just went to watch the new Avengers last night alone. Couldn't even enjoy the movie. It's one of those things we always do it together. When a big movie like this comes out, we always made a date night out of it. We would go to the lux level in Foxboro enjoying good dinner with the movie at the same time. We've been doing this for many years.

I missed that person sitting next to me in the theater, the hand that I held, the one I shared popcorn with.

I will never go watch movie alone again.

I just have to say that (other than this site as a whole), THIS is the GREATEST thread anywhere!

I have laughed, cried, gasp, and cheered while reading it.

What a TREMENDOUS opportunity to vent, get rid of emotional toxins, share challenges, express things we aren't "supposed" to feel, etc., and most importantly...doing these things without breaking NC.

Brilliant!

I don't know why I sometimes lurk here in this forum, because I am neither separated or divorced.

But if allowed, I may actually entertain the thought of taking advantage of this verbal "whack-a-mole" opportunity myself at some point.

Hugs for all of your (our) struggles.

Stronger together.

I agree WhatsRight. I love this thread..... and I find myself saying YESSSS!!! to so many posts.

But if allowed, I may actually entertain the thought of taking advantage of this verbal "whack-a-mole" opportunity myself at some point.

What's right, I don't see why you can't. Especially in your situation,I'm sure there are many times you want to scream horrible things at him, but can't. Put it here! Vent to this awesome thread! I have many many posts here. I've cut and pasted numerous outgoing texts and put them here instead. God bless this thread!!

Aaaand on that note:

Hey fuckface! DD DID have a birthday party! YOU just weren't invited. Not only because I didn't want you there, but because there was not ONE guest, including your own cousin and her family, who wanted you there either.

You made your bed. Now lie in it. Alone.

[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 10:49 AM, May 4th (Friday)]

WhoTheBleep...

Aaa and on that note...

You crack me up!

But your pain is so real. I'm sorry.