Reading in other posts I stumbled upon this that made me reflect that this is probably the biggest issue I never addressed
There's just no way I could ever even remotely believe I knew everything and I would always feel like second place
This hits the wound right to its core.
I felt pain reading this, which is unusual, I thought it was gone. I only feel those emotions again if I am intentionally revisiting those days.
Never had a trigger, this is the first time.
I can only try to name this wound, call the emotions associated and integrate them.
I was not chosen. I was not enough. I was replaceable.
Because at some points in time, she put someone else before me.
Because back then, I was second place. I was last while I always kept her first.
Because I was second place, I can never be first again.
She made her priorities adamant.
I can never be chosen by her.
I felt a deep shock in reading this simple sentence. And it is so clear.
I thought no pain could touch me again, but this did right now.
Can this ever go away?
It feels impossible in this moment.
[This message edited by BackfromtheStorm at 9:12 AM, Wednesday, February 11th]
