SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I was trying to help her (with my penis).

It was all just so flattering (to my penis).

I felt so bad afterwards (when my penis was limp).

I never intended to leave (just share my penis with someone else).

I don't know why I did it (ask my penis).

One Step,

That is TOO funny!

The BEST one EVER for me...

"I swear on a bible and our daughter's life that I haven't cheated"

(I will lie through my teeth at the expense of my first born to save my ASS!)

Teacher,

Wow! That one has floored me.

OneStep,

That IS pretty funny!!!

"I decided I will not leave you or our family"

translation: I checked around and I think I will lose a lot of money in the divorce. So I better stay right here right now. I can always see the OW on the sly, right? And when the kids leave college I will be out-of-here and can keep my cash.

Two that I heard far too many times.

I dont know

Trans: I know damn good and well but I dont want you to know.

I dont remember

Trans: I can't think of any more good lies right now.

Craig

This probably is for my situation only, but the excuse I got,"It was peer pressure."

(from a man that never used to be a "follower")

"I won't stop my affair until you are happy and light"

Translation: I've now got the perfect excuse. My betrayal has made you so unhappy you aren't any fun anymore. I deserve to have fun.

"If you get depressed I'll leave you"

Translation: See above.

And the famous and aforementioned

"I don't remember"

Translation: Of course I remember but I don't have a rationalization ready right now because I didn't think you would find out, give me some time to think of one.

Heres one with a different twist:

I was a fool = I was a fool

Ditto to "I don't remember"

The king of passive agressive responses....

"I just want/deserve to be happy"

(If you don't step up to the plate - she is waiting to take care of poor me)

"I'll end it with HER"

(On my terms only, we will continue to call, talk and see each other at work)

"I can't help thinking about her"

(I am so busted I better come up with something - to get your attention)

No we didn't sleep together!

trans (it happened during the day stupid)

you didn't ask the right question

trans (BJ's are not sex)

I never compared wheather you were better than him!

trans (he was better than you but you will never get me to say that!)

"I love our life together." (Crap, I'll be living in a cardboard box if she leaves me.)

"You could do so much better than me." (I want you to disagree with me on this, even though we both know I'm right.)

"Quit checking her MySpace. If I can't look at it, neither can you." (I'm worried she'll slip up and mention that we still talk. And BTW, I am checking it. Every day.)

And the last one is not something he says, it's something he does. When I ask a question and he gets that furrowed brow look going on, I know exactly what it means: "I'm about to get busted, I need to look like I'm thinking long and hard about her question so she doesn't realize I'm making shit up on the fly."

[This message edited by lawyergirl25 at 10:26 AM, January 3rd (Wednesday)]

OOO, I love this one.

1)He made me feel special: (Well, he never paid for my meals, turned his phone off when he didn't want to talk to me, but when he wanted to have sex he said all of these nice things to me).

2) Why are you so angry all of the time: (Don't make me feel guilty for this).

3) I have to respect someone to want to make love to them (someone who cheats on his wife when she is pregnant, dumps me when the affair is revealed, and woos me back when he is horny is so much more respectable than a man who takes care of his children and doesn't have the balls to leave his wife after he finds out she had an affair).

3) If you were a real man, you would have left after you found out about the affair: ( Then I could tell OM how lousy of a husband you were, and he might take me back).

Wow, that was therapeutic!

((((((((((hugs)))))))))))

to EVERYONE on this thread!!!

O.k.- here's some I heard:

"I don't love you like a man should love a woman"- real love should be all about getting my rocks off.

"You know it should be like in the movies"- an hour and a half of fantasy involving several sex scenes that last 15 minutes or less and everyone always looks perfect and says and does the perfect things.

"I never meant to hurt you" I only meant to deceive and betray you. Maybe it doesn't seem so bad if I didn't MEAN to do it. (as if having an A is NOT a choice and not all about hurting people)

"I haven't talked to her for a long time now" I just talked to her last night. Several hours IS a long time.

"I haven't called her, I don't know how her number showed up on the last call return button." I didn't think you would look to see what number was dialed last. But I'm going to lie about it to the bitter end.

Here was one of my favorites:

"She really wants to get to know you better - you two have a lot in common."

(If you get to be friends you won't mind if I talk to her even more. Plus, she'll find out if you are starting to suspect.)

I got

I need 5 or 6 meetings to properly end it with her - Translation I don't want to quit sleeping with her quite yet.

She is hurting - to explain why she sent me nasty messages after Dday

She is clean (after I asked about STD's).

Because she told me (after I asked him why he knew that she was clean)

I haven't seen this one yet.

I just wanted to have fun = I just wanted to screw someone new and different.