SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

when I found him on a dating website during our false R, I figured out his password and was able to read ALL conversations he had with these women and that he was making dates with them. I had all their phone numbers. I wish I would have contacted them but I never did. I also wish I would have changed his account from looking for women to looking for men. I also should have changed his password so I had control over the account..lol.

bumping for the new members because I still stand by this post.

Bumping to 1st page for newbies coming from MSN.

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WOOOT and WOOT great post

bumping for Newbies

Katherine's great post is incredibly insightful and might help you newcomers not making some of the mistakes us oldtimers did

bump for the newbies

It's six years since my divorce. I divorced quickly following D-Day. I just happened to log into this site and saw this post bumped. As someone who has "been there" and although it was six years ago, seems like yesteryear, I wanted to post what I wish I'd done.

1. Kick him to the curb on Day One. Instead I went into the pathetic, desparate mode of letting him know that I would work thru it with him. He had a home to come back to. He had BOTH me and the OW. I wish I had told him not to come home and made him come crawling back vs. me going crawling after him.

2. Tell the OW's BS. I didn't plan to tell the OW's BS because I didn't want to ruin another family's life. Luckily OW's BS reached out to me and we became quite helpful to one another. Ultimately I realize now that my first thought should have been telling OW'S BS.

3. Take 1/2 our home when offered. Instead I told him to take the whole thing. I was mad and I wanted to "show" him that material things didn't matter. In the end, I regret walking away from a home with a loan of $90k and a market value of $235k. I should have taken the equity and then perhaps I wouldn't be driving an old car with over 170k miles on it and dreaming of winning the lottery so I can afford to adopt a 2nd daughter.

Those are the biggies. There are lots of little stuff I wish I had done, but those are the main ones.

[This message edited by gemini_june_20 at 11:28 AM, December 22nd (Tuesday)]

thanks to everyone for bumping this post - it is very helpful

Thank you for the helpful post.

Bump.

Four years after my divorce, I still find this post among the most helpful at SI.

True, true, true (for me).

Another bump.

Excellent advise.

This post is very helpful. Within one week after D-day, my WH moved out. I stayed in our home with our two month old child. Our agreement was to stay in communication, as long as he stopped communicating with the OW. He didn't. I found out and stopped communicating with him.

We've been to court for temporary orders - custody and household support. The divorce process is probably going to go months into the new year, but the process has been started.

When the fallout happened, after D-day, he couldn't handle it - couldn't handle my emotions, couldn't handle the anger of family members, and couldn't handle being out of contact with his OW. He said he couldn't handle having things happen in his life that she didn't know about - so he had to be in communication with her and he needed her.

From what I've read of people's stories - it seems like it's much better to follow these steps very quickly, like you've recommended rather than let things drag out too long and prolong the torture.

bumping again, because this post was (and still is) really helpful to me ...

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