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betrayedandnumb ( member #24903) posted at 4:27 PM on Friday, August 27th, 2010
BW- me
FWH-him
3/28/09 The day he started skiing down the slippery slope
4/26/09 The day it turned PA
Dday #1 7/13/09, #2 7/16/09, #3 10/23/09, Major setback- 8/13/10
In R
do-over ( member #26277) posted at 4:28 PM on Friday, August 27th, 2010
This pretty much nails it.
I refer to it from time to time myself. It makes me know I did the right thing in divorcing his stupid ass.
Love do
Divorced Jan 09
Longtime lurker now trying to gain and share support.
I am happy.
still confounded ( member #7826) posted at 3:25 AM on Tuesday, September 7th, 2010
"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.
Ready_to_run ( member #20954) posted at 2:54 PM on Tuesday, September 14th, 2010
HurtingandLost ( member #29322) posted at 5:04 PM on Tuesday, September 14th, 2010
Dumb question:
What if after 8 weeks the WW is meeting some, but not all of the needs, and relapses every few days into selfish mode?
ineedtoleave ( member #29332) posted at 7:31 PM on Tuesday, September 14th, 2010
Just my 2 cents... I knew immediately upon discovery that our marriage was over. The problem was each time we calmly discussed divorce (3 times), the next day he would tell me that he wanted me to take some time to make the decision, he 'didn't want me to lose everything I had put into the house'.Altho he has swore that the A is over, I know thru computer info that it is not.And I've quit telling him that I know its not over, I was wasting my breath.So we've been acting (almost) normal.Since my husband is unemployed and now has heart problems(I believe due to his self-imposed stress!)I had guilty feelings about leaving him.I saw a psychic for help making a decision, and he assured me that it's okay to sneak out one day when he's not at home. The psychic confirmed my feelings that my husband is only using me to keep a roof over his head. Well, it's time for his "next wife" to step up to the plate... Too bad that she's still in her own "awful?" marriage. Reading these posts every day is the only thing keeping me sane thru all this. I know I'll be much better once I'm out of that house! Thanks to all for your postings... 
BS(me)-52
WH-59
OW-43(married ex-Co-worker)
Married 6 yrs
DD#1: 3/19/10
DD#2: 5/11/10
Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.
still confounded ( member #7826) posted at 2:11 AM on Saturday, September 18th, 2010
"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.
SuspiciousWife ( member #18108) posted at 2:45 PM on Monday, September 27th, 2010
Me - BW, 44
Him - FWH, 44
OW - former co-worker
3 great kids
DDay - April 25, 2008 - mostly EA with one make-out session
diditagn ( member #3433) posted at 6:29 PM on Tuesday, September 28th, 2010
Happy people don't have the best things, they make the best with what they have.
still confounded ( member #7826) posted at 11:01 PM on Sunday, October 3rd, 2010
"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.
Dagny07 ( member #16928) posted at 8:20 PM on Thursday, October 7th, 2010
Me:BW Him: FWH E/A
M: 30 years, together 37 : both guilty of PAs 20+ years ago
CDay#1 Oct 06 (false); DDay#2 Oct 07 (truth from OW's BH)
R: Tenaciously optimistic
ob-la-de ( member #23735) posted at 3:26 PM on Saturday, October 9th, 2010
bumping for newbies 
CanISurvive ( member #29788) posted at 6:26 PM on Sunday, October 10th, 2010
D final 11/25/2011 -- on Black Friday! ;-)
Moved my stats to my Profile; click there for my story.
I am a Phoenix; I may be in the ashes stage at the moment, but I am now actively working on my Rebirth. =)
PS: I edit posts for typos & clarity
JustKeepSwimmig ( member #19269) posted at 12:16 AM on Tuesday, October 12th, 2010
Mr. JKS - EA/PA
DDay - April 2008
ob-la-de ( member #23735) posted at 11:10 PM on Friday, October 15th, 2010
urwyfe ( member #29856) posted at 12:00 AM on Saturday, October 16th, 2010
OMG!!! You are so right. I wish I knew of this sight or researched some internet help. I sorta of went through everthying by myself and did not always make the best decisions. We do have a power position at times and do not use it to the full potential. 
BW 53/WH 53Married: 7/2006
together 20+ years
DD#1 9/08, Reconciled 9/09
Cheating always ends in disaster! We were able to survive the aftermath!
Trying2Survive2 ( member #25758) posted at 12:48 PM on Saturday, October 16th, 2010
Bump for the newbies.
Important stuff here..
Please read.
Faithful Wife ME 52
FWH 47
DDAY #1 1/11/09 EA Online ONLY (NC)
DDAY #2 6/2010 Admitted PA with the same PIG(12/08)
"Anything may be betrayed, anyone may be forgiven, but not those who lack the courage of their own greatness"
Paper Roses ( member #19336) posted at 11:53 AM on Sunday, October 17th, 2010
Great post Katherine!
The only thing I will add is that when in shock ovr a sudden adn unexpected betrayal...sometimes it takes a bit longer to poull oneself out of schock!
I agree with everything you have said///just not certain I could have done it...I was still seeing him as the "good" husband.
It took a while to even allow myself to believe he was the monster he had become!
Me-50-FBW-
He-45-FWh- sober 4 years
Self-deception- is literally a matter of deceiving oneself- and thus raises unique questions.
How can one deceive himself-unless he already knows-what it is that he is deceiving himself about?
CanISurvive ( member #29788) posted at 9:06 AM on Wednesday, October 20th, 2010
D final 11/25/2011 -- on Black Friday! ;-)
Moved my stats to my Profile; click there for my story.
I am a Phoenix; I may be in the ashes stage at the moment, but I am now actively working on my Rebirth. =)
PS: I edit posts for typos & clarity
still confounded ( member #7826) posted at 3:51 AM on Thursday, October 21st, 2010
When I first stumbled upon SI, I found this post the most helpful among many life-saving posts.
What I now know, akin to the item about not being afraid to get angry/act up, is that there was not ONE SOLITARY thing I could have done to make my WS do the right thing. Not begging, not being sweet, not threatening, not promising to change, to agreeing to move to California or quit my job or wear foofy lingerie all day long, not crying, not screaming, not the silent treatment (not even the 180, which is absolutely the best thing a BS can do for her/himself ASAP).
An addict (and I consider an A a form of addiction) will do what an addict will do, period. If the WS stops the A, it can only be if the WS chooses to do so. And, finally, I decided I didn't want to be with someone who didn't choose me and our life together over it/her/his 'happiness'/whatever.
Katherine41 cuts to the heart of the matter.
"Sometimes, the rest of your life starts with goodbye."
D-day April 2005
(Married 33 years, together 35)
Divorced Dec. '05
Life is good, but it took a long time to heal.
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