Cookies are required for login or registration. Please read and agree to our cookie policy to continue.

Newest Member: HoardMouse

Just Found Out :
Honey, they always affair down

This Topic is Archived

KInUSA ( member #19503) posted at 3:52 PM on Wednesday, November 18th, 2009

thanks for this, I really enjoyed reading it.

DDay 4 November 2009
DDay #2 14 December 2010

posts: 499   ·   registered: May. 13th, 2008   ·   location: far far from home
id 4237946

DumbBlonde ( member #24972) posted at 3:58 PM on Wednesday, November 18th, 2009

Good post and perfect place for it!! All the BSs who are women go through this. It is natural brcause of the emphasis society has placed on looks. We question who we are and it is always in terms of the outer beauty.

Not who they were/are. At the right place atthe wrong time,could have been anyone. Hard to accept because we blow it up in our minds; the intimacy of the A on all levels. We were lied to. OWs were lied to. Thry were used and if they felt there was an emotional connection it was a facade on the part of the WH to get what he ultimately wanted.

It's just too bad we don't recognize this until after so much pain has been endured

BW - phone billin Feb 07 taught me a few things about WH
Married Aug 86 (I know, I know!!)
know of 2 As 1 that had been off and on for the duration on my marriage (my name should be: What A Boob!)
lots of Ddays due to trickle truth
Several false

posts: 349   ·   registered: Jul. 28th, 2009   ·   location: California
id 4237964

mkd5874 ( member #25009) posted at 4:18 PM on Wednesday, November 18th, 2009

Thank you for posting this- I really needed this today.

I would hug you if I could.....

Truer words have never been spoken.

Me: BW, 35
Him: WH, 36
3 kids
DDay: 8.31.09
Forget about your house of cards- Radiohead

posts: 179   ·   registered: Aug. 1st, 2009   ·   location: LA
id 4238018

ajsmom ( member #17460) posted at 4:20 PM on Wednesday, November 18th, 2009


Half tempted to email it to the OW...just in case she was wondering.


Fidelity isn't a's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09

posts: 21424   ·   registered: Dec. 21st, 2007   ·   location: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
id 4238029

HockeyNut ( member #25915) posted at 4:35 PM on Wednesday, November 18th, 2009

Thank you so much!! Made my week!!

posts: 238   ·   registered: Oct. 20th, 2009
id 4238073

HeartbrokeHope32 ( member #17247) posted at 4:42 PM on Wednesday, November 18th, 2009

Can i get an AMEN from the choir?!?!?!?!


"What lies behind us, and what lies
before us are small matters
compared to what lies within us."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

posts: 4179   ·   registered: Dec. 2nd, 2007   ·   location: NH
id 4238086

heart_in_a_blend ( member #24191) posted at 5:12 PM on Wednesday, November 18th, 2009

It really is about the ego thing. OW is not better looking than me. WH said she is frumpy, but intelligent. Said he thought of her like a "little sister" Bullshit. He like to give her advice. Bullshit. I said well if she is so intelligent then why is she seeking advice from you?

In life, much of what one grieves one never had.

posts: 3036   ·   registered: May. 29th, 2009
id 4238196

kluelesskat ( member #23552) posted at 5:25 PM on Wednesday, November 18th, 2009

Thanks deathbybetrayal. This made my day. Sometime my crazy brain reverts to BS foggy thinking that there had to be something so friggin great about her.


Some OW, as in my case, are perpetrators who can see an opportunity from a mile away.

I keep telling myself that I am the better person by far. She's a serial cheater who's out for her own.

But thank you for helping BS her remember that this is true.

Me - BS
Him - WS
MOW - Ole fatty w 2 others on the side besides mine and her husband

posts: 215   ·   registered: Apr. 8th, 2009   ·   location: Canada Eh
id 4238237

Sunflowers ( member #25960) posted at 6:16 PM on Wednesday, November 18th, 2009

Thank you DBB. What a wonderful post. Amen indeed sister.

In my case, my WH affaired down so much, he picked prostitutes... young faceless nothings, human garbage, women who choose to demean themselves and sleep with drunk middle aged men going through depression and crisis. Opportunists. Sad cases. All of them.

My H was just a transaction to them, and they were just another way to anaesthetise the pain of a life he chose not to face at that time. As Buffalo always so eloquently says, it's just fantasy, escape, Disneyland. And nobody wants to stay in Disneyland forever...

My H has emerged from crisis to choose life, and those whores are as meaningless as the empty vodka bottles he discarded along the way.

Power to all the BSs today.

Me BS 44 Him WS 44
Married 4.5yrs
D Day July 09
Now the sun has come out. My H is back to being the man I married. Maybe even better.

posts: 106   ·   registered: Oct. 24th, 2009
id 4238379

imtrying ( member #22031) posted at 6:40 PM on Wednesday, November 18th, 2009

This is a really important thing to look at. Thank you for writing it. Sure, it is not true in all cases, of course, but it was true for all of my X's OW.

It used to crush me to think of how I wasn't even good enough to compete with the women he wanted instead- even though they were all pretty sad characters, much worse off then I am.

What he told me himself was that he had come to hate himself so much that he couldn't stand to be around me - I knew him too well, I called him on his BS, I didn't let him get away with it anymore. I expected better of him. They didn't. They were glad to have anything he would offer.

By the way, he also was involved with several prostitutes, who knows how many. The ones I know of are ones he "befriended" - don't know how many he might have rented. I actually got to know a couple of them when we were trying to R.

They weren't human garbage. They were people who had been badly wounded as children - horrific stories of sexual and physical abuse, parents on drugs or drunk, neglect, growing up in a car, never learning to read. For the girls I met, they didn't choose to be prostitutes because they wanted to - they did it out of desperation. Not that this helps, but it is hard for me to think of the women I met as garbage. They were all too human once I got to know them.

My two cents!

posts: 726   ·   registered: Dec. 13th, 2008   ·   location: Pacific NW USA
id 4238440

On_The_Mend ( member #24422) posted at 6:40 PM on Wednesday, November 18th, 2009

I echo all the "thank-yous," as I really benefited from this today.

FWH would refer to OW as "such a strong person," but that's a bunch of BS. She's definitely the weak one in the herd, and would even go so far to say so was FWH. They both picked off each other like buzzards.

BW (me) 43
WH 44
DDay May 31, 2009
M 21 yrs
C Three 17, 15, 11
Reconciled? - "I will sing of Your mercy that leads me through valleys of sorrow to rivers of joy." ~Jars of Clay

"This too shall pass.... like a kidney stone."~Mom

posts: 343   ·   registered: Jun. 15th, 2009   ·   location: USA
id 4238442

4myheart ( member #21015) posted at 7:27 PM on Wednesday, November 18th, 2009

Wow how true. Even being 1 1/2 year out and completely reconciled that great to hear.

"Have you ever been so lost.... Known the way and still so lost." Katy Perry

posts: 551   ·   registered: Sep. 11th, 2008   ·   location: I da ho....... no she da ho!!!
id 4238593

Infidelity Pain ( new member #26197) posted at 8:00 PM on Wednesday, November 18th, 2009

Thanks for sharing!

Betrayed fiance 29
Cheater 22
No children involved
relationship 1 year 9 months

posts: 13   ·   registered: Nov. 14th, 2009   ·   location: Here
id 4238682

susiesmomma ( member #22199) posted at 8:02 PM on Wednesday, November 18th, 2009

I don't agree...I think that it makes us feel better to think that way, but all cases are different (ok, in my WH's case, he also, in my opinion, affaired down, but I don't think so in every case.


posts: 379   ·   registered: Dec. 29th, 2008   ·   location: NJ
id 4238686

hopelessromantic ( member #25415) posted at 9:37 PM on Wednesday, November 18th, 2009

Except mine was the other way around, my H was the weakest and SHE sought him out of the crowd. He was needing that ego boost but didn't go looking for it, it found him and he sucked it all up

BS-Me FWS-him (bigdog)
D-Day 5/3/09 TT til 6/22/09
Behind every woman scorned is a man who made her that way.

posts: 2836   ·   registered: Sep. 3rd, 2009   ·   location: Midwest
id 4238975

Ms.Martha ( member #23951) posted at 2:42 AM on Thursday, November 19th, 2009

I am so moved to write on this post. I didn't even finish the last page. SO, I am sure some one already said this, but, I am in the same boat as Alana...

I don't agree, at least not totally. And, what about men? Does that not mean the BS is weak also? That he/she were not strong enough to read the signs before them of an A. That they stay even knowing their WS has betrayed them?

I think it is human nature to want to put someone down. But, can you down someone for believing a man/woman when they say I love you. Or how about when they say my SO is dying of cancer? lol (classic one) Anyway, my point is why try to look at what is better or worse about the OP. Because you will miss the point over and over. It is not a contest. It is a vow. He/she broke the vow. OP is just anyone. Can be a famous actress named Angelina. Or it could be the woman that the Prince of England chose, while cheating on Dianne.

You should not IMO compare yourself to the OP. It's your WS and your R you should concentrate on. If this sounds like a 2x4 then I am sorry.

I feel strongly think that without addressing the real core issues of why someone cheats/cheated, and blaming the OP for being "weak" (although it is not their job to be strong for your marriage) will result in a repeat occurence. lol longwinded. I mean to say unless you are just venting, the focus is in the wrong place.

of course JMO.Ok with that said. I also, thought that the OW was a witch(with a capitol B) and skank and whore

And I always told myself I was better than her. At least the first time

Ok sorry to be so jaded maybe that will change.... But, it's been a few years....

posts: 172   ·   registered: May. 11th, 2009
id 4239641

owleyes ( new member #26173) posted at 5:35 AM on Thursday, November 19th, 2009

This made me feel good too (esp because the OP in my case is 23 to my 42, yow!) but i don't want to think of her as a "whore" or garbage or anything like that. I think she is a kid who made a bad choice. Don't get me wrong--I hate what she did to me. She knew me, had met me, etc. But I do agree that a strong, whole person would never settle for an affair. It isn't honorable, it isn't healthy. It might feel good but it also must feel really bad. I'm never going to be her friend, God no. But the real fault lies with my xWBF. he broke his promise to me. He betrayed me. It's him, not her, I focus the blame on. But thanks for this post because the self esteem does take a hit, am I right? Taking the high road makes us beautiful and stronger.

posts: 16   ·   registered: Nov. 12th, 2009
id 4239884

mom22kids ( member #16994) posted at 3:12 PM on Thursday, November 19th, 2009

thank you for this!

You're not having a bad day. You are having a normal BS day. You are fine.

posts: 1624   ·   registered: Nov. 13th, 2007   ·   location: Farmington, Minnesota
id 4240475

ArialRose ( member #24735) posted at 5:25 PM on Thursday, November 19th, 2009

I love this!

Affair down- I agree. I did not have an A with a MM to gain social and financial status. She did, enough said.

As far as placing blame on breaking vows, that was FWS.

2 different topics IMHO.

in our 40's
M 28 years, together 30 years
3 DSs (adult)
D-Day: 3/23/09, Major TT 2/10/10 5/24/10,10/30/10, & 12/12/10.
Inappropriate online conversations on my part- 10/2011


posts: 2165   ·   registered: Jul. 8th, 2009   ·   location: arialrose
id 4240859

Ms.Martha ( member #23951) posted at 6:36 PM on Thursday, November 19th, 2009

[This message edited by Ms.Martha at 11:44 PM, November 19th (Thursday)]

posts: 172   ·   registered: May. 11th, 2009
id 4241049
This Topic is Archived
Cookies on®® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.001.20220813 2002-2022® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy