SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

You will be rewarded - yes, I think you'll find another relationship that will hopefully be a little more authentic. But, mostly, I think you will be highly regarded for generations by your children and their children. You will LONG be esteemed for being a father worth much.

I do really think she'll wake from her coma one day and see what she did to her children and cry like she's never cried before. My WH still has a deep amount of pain from that time. He had stopped praying with them at night and didn't do much with them b/c he was constantly 'out', on the phone with her. It pains him like nothing ever has - what he did to his family.

Allow her to suffer the pain from that - hold your head high and protect your children...she clearly will not right now.

Hang in there TCMM... You're doing great!!!

I can't imagine having to live in the same house in separate spaces while the WS is continuing the A.

I can't imagine how the kids are handling this. What are they thinking?? Kids are smart. What a terrible example she's setting. She will regret that.

You keep strong. You be the rock. I'm sorry you have to be the strong one. The kids will always appreciate it.

She is so deep in the fog. She is treating you unfairly now but she will even appreciate you again someday. I'm sure she will

Hang in there.

Lots of hugs and good vibes for you and your children.

Can your lawyer speed up the process, children are envolved.

[This message edited by tulipcitymadman at 8:12 PM, October 20th (Wednesday)]

TCMM, "dropped" in to this forum to tell you that you ROCK and that you are in my prayers. I KNOW you will come out the victor, my prayers are for what you have to endure in the meantime.

Peace to you and your children who are so lucky to have you.

TCMM, I came to D/S quite recently too. I could no longer tolerate the in-house separation, with the WH doing nothing to change the course of our lives. Now, it's the course of MY life, and YOUR life. 36 years of memories to overcome, move on. It's slow, slow, agonizingly slow. It IS the nights, early mornings, awakening at 4 a.m. "Did I do the right thing?" Second-guessing.

Be sure to ask about permanent written agreements. Some things can be changed after D, some cannot - especially having to do with retirement and child custody/visitation.

It DOES help to have one's children, and know you are a good dad, or mom, for others reading your posts. My "child" is 30, so my doggie and really old kittie have to suffice.

I don't believe in the "fog" anymore. I think they all know exactly what they are doing: they have to know, considering all the lies they have to keep up with. Staying in the A, or moving out, is so much easier than the hard work of changing one's self, working on a relationship, taking responsibility.

You, and we all, have value. We all must continue to restore our dignity and self-worth. Hard work - but we are strong, and we can do it.

Time.

Movin' on. Wouldn't mind seeing the Karma Bus arrive, though.

TJ

STBX was sitting with my 9 year old daughter flirting on her cell phone with her boyfriend. I told both of the girls that it was bed time, and she looked up from the couch and told me that she had told my youngest that she could stay up with her. Then she went back to her flirtatious phone conversation with the OM all the while cuddling with my youngest daughter. She even mentioned me and my mom in her conversation.

How do you take that? What do you do with that? How in any rational thought process do you think that is appropriate behavior? What the fuck is wrong with some people? Continual exposure to her sick affair in front of my kids? Good lord.

I can't believe she would do that in front of your daughter. I can't believe she would do that in the presence of any of her kids or even you. That is totally unacceptable.

Maybe I missed some earlier posts, but I'm not sure why she is even in your house - while she is still carrying on with the OM. It's not doing you or the kids any good when she's acting like that.

I'm sure you'll follow the advice of your lawyer - but my heart goes out to you and your children.

I'm sorry TCMM. You are an amazingly strong person and I only wish you the best. You deserve so much more. You will find it.

Take care and I would only say - STAY FAR FAR AWAY FROM HER. You need to continue and rev up the 180. She is not being fair to you.

I'm sorry again.

Oh, I hope you got THAT on the VAR.

Holy SHIT! I cannot believe that.

The Waywards do things that are inexplicable. Foggy. Very foggy.

OH. MY.

I just went and read all of your earlier "Diver Down" posts. Quite a ride you have been on. Brings me back to many emotions I had in the early days. I can't imagine having to live in the same house for as much as 6 months with my Ex-WH. I can't imagine a hell worse than that, honestly. I wish you a lot of strength and courage. Really I do. I know many people have said it to you already, but you sound like an amazing dad and good person. Better things WILL come to you. (my own little mantra!)

I have one major concern that I hope you have addressed with your attorney: Can you have custody or visitation with your son, as he is not bio? What rights do you have, and what actions can you take to help this? Just something to consider- I hope she would not use that as a weapon against you.

A friend once told me about divorce: Its like cleaning a bathroom- nobody wants to do it- (its a dirty, shitty mess) but you just got to roll up your sleeves, get in there and get it over with.

once it is done, it will be a much better place!

TCMM - I applaud your strength in being honest with your feelings, the strength of dealing with your situation without losing yourself, and most of all, not taking the f'ing cell phone of hers and flushing it down the toilet while she has your 9yo on her lap; she's stupider than stupid (be sure to document time, date, word-4-word of what she said because the sum of all this will account for her bad parenting).

Thrive said it best with regards to holding WS to their responsibility for what they've done. All the other stuff is BS - they have to feel good about themselves, right?

[This message edited by Jade1964dream at 1:56 AM, June 29th (Tuesday)]

Then she went back to her flirtatious phone conversation with the OM all the while cuddling with my youngest daughter.

This enrages me just reading about it...I don't know how you endured it. She needs a reality check worse than anyone I've ever heard about. There is absolutely no way in hell that conduct like hers is not seriously detrimental to your child. How can a nine year old be expected to make sense of this type of betrayal of her father by her mother?!

Your wife isn't fit to raise an umbrella much less a child. Make sure your lawyer hears all about her disgusting conduct. Clearly she cares nothing for that little girl to use her in such an obvious fashion. She was trying to get a rise out of you and was willing to plant such disturbing images in her daughter's mind to do so.

How do you take that? What do you do with that?

I am so sorry she has chosen to be so cruel to you and so irresponsible around her children. This is just unconscionable.

I really hope she gets a smack of reality and karma real soon.

Know that there are many here following you and virtually sending you support.

That's really messed up TCMM. Maybe you should be running that VAR 24/7. She's gone off the deep end.

Did you insist your daughter go to bed or mention to your WW how inappropriate that is?

TCMM my heart goes out to you dude hang in there and I wish you well.

I have followed your story and must say that you are exhibiting great strength in the face of insurmountable pain and torture. I admire this very much. You are such a great father...your kids are so fortunate to have a loving and caring dad like you. Keep up the good work and know that there are so many who are rooting for you and can't wait until this nightmare is over for you.

Hugs to you TCMM! You are quite an inspiration to me, reading your story and watching you navigate with strength and integrity is something I am striving for.

I hope your meeting with the judge went well.

[This message edited by tulipcitymadman at 8:12 PM, October 20th (Wednesday)]

I'm glad it went well. :)

You keep doing what you are doing, you keep recording, with the VAR, and on paper, every transgression on her part. Hopefully it will all work out well in the end.