SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

(((TCMM)))

This fool will stand up destroy anyone who wishes to demean me as a father and as a husband

AMEN!!

You are definately no fool! You are such a wonderful man and father. Your kids are lucky to have you ... and your stbx is definately the FOOL (amongst other things).

Don't sit and now re write your own marriage, but I understand completely how an A and now your spouse treating you like dirt does make one stop and do this...but never ever doubt yourself and your commitment and capability to love and that is what you did.

What I will say is that she probably has deep FOO issues that have her believing that she loves this guy, where I think deep down its all she thinks she deserves. Trailer life style. Not trying to be mean (well maybe a little) but some people self implode their lives because they don't think they deserve it...maybe she was stalking you and trying to marry you for your money but now does not deserve the lifestyle...but is not deep enough to know how to get out respectfully, she has to make you the devil encarnate and make you look bad so she does not have to look at herself. Whatever....its all crazy. Doesn't make it stop or go away, but I did not want you thinking that this is about you at all...even though you are in the line of fire.

TCMM, this is a very painful realization for you and you're probably right, but that doesn't negate the fact that you were a great husband and are a great father.

Try to focus on that.

I'm coming from the opposite end of the spectrum -- my x used me for 20 years but from what I've read about sex addiction, I believe that he did also love me on some level, so he wasn't lying about that all those years.

He just lied about the monogamy part while he was out fornicating with half the world.

It's a mindfuck any way you slice it.

Big hugs.

TCMM,

I think what she told you is a lie. It's the only way she can live with what she is doing. The fact that her A is so open and she's off screwing him all the time, shows there is something wrong with her. She's trying to act like she is a victim so she can try and rationalize her fucked up mind.

All I can say is she is one sick woman.

[This message edited by cantbelieve at 8:51 AM, September 27th (Monday)]

I tell you man, I cannot understand a state that has a law that requires people in this kind of toxic situation to stay married for 6 months. It beggars description how she is treating you. It is like she wants you to go over the edge.

I don't pretend to understand what goes through someone's mind that behaves like your WW. But rewriting the marital history to make the husband out as a demon seems to happen a lot. The way you describe her behavior, even to the point of ingoring the children, tells me that this is not some fog. I think she is seriously mentally ill.

She is who she is showing you, always was, always will be. Now that she found another man to support her she doesn't care if you see the real her. Your love for her hid some of it from you, she is a master of deception. Diver boy won't be her last man.

It's amazing as the BS we have to sit and reflect upon the musings of absolute imbeciles. I've been there man, and eventually came to the point of considering every mean and spiteful thing ever said and began disecting it to discover if it was true.

It's a waste of time brother. Maybe it is true, maybe it isn't. Point is, she's not going to be your problem for much longer and the psychosis becomes someone else's issue. As aliveagain mentioned, the OM won't be her last...he was just next.

Consider yourself lucky. As Dennis Green (former coach of the Arizona Cardinals) once said, "They Are Who We Thought They Were".

When people show you who they are, believe them. Don't try and figure them out or save them, just get away. Fast.

[This message edited by teedoff at 8:13 PM, September 27th (Monday)]

I am certainly not able to diagnose but am related to two with this condition, and every time I read about your wife's latest antics, I can't help but think Borderline Personality Disorder.

Again, I am not a doctor. I just see a LOT of my relatives in your description of her amazingly self-centered, cruel, shocking antics.

If she does indeed have that, a few years from now you will be thanking God from sunrise to sundown that you got her the hell out of your life and moved on to whatever awesome and happy adventure is on your horizon.

And even if she doesn't have that, there is something fundamentally wrong with her, or at least with her behavior, morals, and standards. I do think good people make bad decisions and hurt others. But I don't think your wife has ever done anything for anyone else without an agenda her whole life. I bet she could not think of one selfless or even decent act (WITHOUT STRINGS ATTACHED) if pressed, without resorting to spin or outright lies.

The best way to describe her from what I am reading, is ruthless.

And God, who can make a happy marriage out of ruthless?

That is a very scary state of affairs. I know this is excruciating but right now throughout all of this, I do believe that God or the universe or whatever is forcing you to get out of a bad situation that you don't deserve. He/It is demanding more for you than you realize you deserve. It just hurts like hell to get to the next chapter.

Hang in there. Good is coming.

[This message edited by inknots at 8:34 PM, September 27th (Monday)]

[This message edited by tulipcitymadman at 8:46 PM, October 20th (Wednesday)]

Why don't you have some fun with her, report her missing.

TCM: If your WW is BPD, that would do a lot to explain the hell you've been through. My WW's mother is BPD, and I suspect WW herself has borderline tendencies, although she vehemently denies it. Anyway, you can't get away from her soon enough, and you'll always have the -- well, "satisfaction" may or may not be the right word -- anyway, of knowing that she's eventually going to wreak holy havoc on OM and anyone else she's with.

How are your kids? I ask mainly because WW's mother did a real number on her growing up, which may help explain some of WW's recent bizarre decisions, including her EA. Now, WW's parents split when she was 12 and she and her younger sister ended up alone with their mother, which might have been the worst thing that could have possibly happened to them. I know you intend to remain a strong and positive influence in your kids' lives; the possibility of a borderline WW just makes your role that much more important as they get older. Adolescence is hard enough without one of your parents actively trying to undermine you at every turn.

Wow, TCMM you are living in an impossible situation. My heart goes out to you. I know how painful it is live with the betrayal right in your face every day -- separated or not. The only good thing is that it makes it easier to let them go. It's hard to see the kids go through it though.

I agree with realitybites: never ever doubt yourself and your commitment and capability to love and that is what you did.

(((( HUGS ))))

Why don't you have some fun with her, report her missing.

Oh...what a lovely suggestion...

[This message edited by tulipcitymadman at 8:46 PM, October 20th (Wednesday)]

TCM-

The Universe for 2 is going to suck bigtime when he can't pony up the cash for 200 dollar running sunglasses or whatever new piece of crap she needs to fill her black hole.

It is going to be a side show to watch her try to turn the OM into an earner..... He has a dive shop honey- in Michigan- in 2010. Good luck with that.

What is real to anyone with a brain is how lame his attempt to make cheating whores into star crossed lovers... Nice try.

[This message edited by redrock at 2:09 PM, October 1st (Friday)]

DID YOU MAKE A COPY OF THE CARD? SHOULD BE A BIG HELP WHEN YOU GO IN FRONT OF A JUDGE REGARDING CUSTODY.

Our love makes me not care what other people say or think. ......So the rest of the world can just go on thinking whatever it wants.

That quote speaks volumes....sounds like they are getting negative feedback from "other people". Sounds like there are a lot of nay-sayers, and very few supporters of their relationship. Well, what does that tell ya????

Typically when multiple people are giving you the message that your relationship is not a good idea, then it's probably NOT a good idea.

When I married my Ex, EVERYONE, and I mean EVERYONE was telling me it was not a good thing for me to be doing. I was very young (18), naive, and in a fog. The "others" turned out to be SO right on.

"Others" see clearly what you can't see because you're in the fog of being "in love".

Sounds like a train-wreck in the making.

Ciao

It is going to be a side show to watch her try to turn the OM into an earner..... He has a dive shop honey- in Michigan- in 2010. Good luck with that.

This may be the most insightful thing I have ever read on SI. I'm mean dude, seriously. Let her run to it and pray to God she catches up. On to bigger and better things my friend.

Word.

That card...those are just words, meaningless words, dribbling from the mouth of an idiot. And he wasn't even clever enough to write those himself, it's a preprinted card...

Yeah, he's a real original, one of 6 BILLION.