SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

When my (at the time) WW read the book Not Just Friends (we bought two copies to both read it), it really helped her understand how textbook A's are. I don't want to be a skipping record but it's a very powerful tool.

Xanax/Valium was made for situations like this.

You're in my thoughts,

Sc

oh...and don't let her find out you're on here. Then she'll know how you found out, for one thing.

Hugs.

You might feel better now, but in the next few days, a rush of emotions are gonna hit you. Just ride the waves.

Very true, the fact that this IS your new shitty reality is going to hit pretty hard. (((hugs)))) we've been there it's just fucked.

Cover you internet tracks, she may be trying to find out who ratted her out.

You said she seems pretty sorry, maybe she is... maybe not... Keep checking up on her, some WS are truly repentant and get it immediately, alot don't and are very two faced.

It sounds like you did a good job and held yourself together, I hope that she really understood what giving back the wedding ring meant for you.

You did good. Hold on because it is going to be a bumpy ride.

CAN ANYONE MAKE IT THOUGH SOMETHING LIKE THIS????? I SEE 0% CHANCE!!!!!

Its pretty unlikely you can even believe it right now but yes, it is possible for a relationship to survive this and someday even thrive. There are many survivor couples on SI.

I've been in the darkest, rawest, most miserable emotional pits during my FWWs infidelity and we survived, even when neither of us thought we could or even wanted to.

For now things are too raw. You need to feel all that pain. It’s the only way to get numb to it.

From what you wrote, it seems that your WWs reaction was relatively positive.

Man, I've been in your spot.

Stay strong. I wish I could offer you more but right now I know everything is to raw, to painful.

We are all thinking of you. Take care.

Hang in there! I know the pain is so hard. You must feel some relief telling her, getting it off ur chest and realizing ur not crazy.

You have time to decide where to go from here. Don't make any quick decisions .

You can spend all night with us here. There is a ton of stuff I'm sure you haven't read yet.

Spend some time in Investigative Tips.

The OM was the first one to get the

"we have been caught text"

The OM was been married for 8 years..He is probably crapping his pants right now. I will find his wife soon.

Then her BITCH little friend got the second message.

I don't know why, But I hate her friend more than anyone...Weird. I knew that bitch was bad news for our marriage.

My step daughter was crying...most of the night and is skipping school tomorrow. Sucks

MY WW told me "when I changed for the better in Oct 2010" thats when the A stopped. Then 10 minutes later she said they had sex two weeks ago. haha He comes the bullshit train...full speed ahead

They aren't in love.

Going to get STD tested this week. I'm sure that will be a blast.

She knows somehow that I know from her texts....But I didn't say anything.

MY WW is so dumb. I pay the phone bill....Get a different phone if you are going to cheat.

Ready to start the next chapter....

MY WW told me "when I changed for the better in Oct 2010" thats when the A stopped.

In other words she’s saying the affair was your fault…

Don’t fall for it.

Goose – you find and tell his wife. Don’t threaten it, don’t warn your wife. Just do it.

Then her BITCH little friend got the second message.

I don't know why, But I hate her friend more than anyone...Weird. I knew that bitch was bad news for our marriage.

Of course you hate her. She is an enabler and facilitated your wife's affair. She encouraged her, and possibly helped them hook up. She may your WW friend, but she is an enemy of the marriage. NC must extend to her also.

She knows somehow that I know from her texts....But I didn't say anything.

MY WW is so dumb. I pay the phone bill....Get a different phone if you are going to cheat.

Then IF they decide to continue the A (which most of them do following DDay), then you know her next step will be to get that secret cell phone.

I'm so glad this part is over for you goose..

Hang in there bud...

Good job Goose.... You've now jumped over the first hurdle... Chin up, eyes wide open....

WB

Hope you are ok...I know that morning after , reality really sets in. For me shock lifted a little and I felt the worst hangover in my life.

We are all thinking about you this morning..and sending you strength.

Yeah, I would do what it takes to find out the name of OMW. She deserves to know the truth as to what's going on in her marriage. DO NOT TELL YOUR WIFE YOU'RE DOING THIS. Because, she'll warn the OM and he'll tell his wife that some crazy guy might try contacting her.

And when you do make contact don't be surprised your wife says, " We're over, we're done. Any chance of fixing this; you just threw away." blah...blah... they all say these.

Keep posting, believe me. It helps.

[This message edited by crossbar at 8:02 AM, March 1st (Tuesday)]

Prepare yourself for her full court press on "working it out". Do not make any commitments to her without giving it a lot of thoughts. I would focus on your kids and the 180. I hope you can move her out quickly. You need time to digest what has happened. Separate finances. Take care of yourself.

goose-em,

Hugs and Hugs.

I didn't read all 15 pages...Don't have it in me today. Its all sooooo sad.

I can see you have probably received all the good advice for your current situation.

I am so sorry. I know its hard. Maintain your cool. Make her think she isn't getting to you. She isn't the wife you knew right now anyway.

She may start saying totally crazy stuff...asking for an open marriage, being angry at YOU (yea, right!) blaming you for your mistakes or lack of effort, even trying to make you believe you are crazy and "this"isn't really happening...,

Its hard to be prepared when you don't know what to expect...but you are doing a great job. I am proud of you for conducting yourself in such an organized manner.

Read the library/threads on 180. You will probably need it.

Hugs and Hugs and Prayers

Hey, Goose.

Hope you got at least a little sleep last night.

Like the others here have stated--the first chapter is over. She has been exposed and you have confirmation that you were not going crazy.

Isn't it eerie how the gut is virtually never wrong?

Right now, it is just breathe in, breathe out. You have to take a little time to absorb all of this.

Next step is to continue outting and ridding yourself of these poisonous elements around your M.

Find the other wife and expose. Do it with compassion, as she will probably be going through the turmoil that you are now experiencing. Just like you, she probably didn't sign up for this shit.

Then that whore friend of your WW needs to know that she is OUT OF YOUR LIVES. The only way she stays involved is if you and your wife D. This may be harder on your WW than the OM, but I would stand strong on this one also. If what you say is true about her, then she is toxic.

Then you will have to think long and hard about what you want. If you want to possibly R, then steps will have to be taken, and your WW will have to abide and re-commit to your M.

If you don't want to stay in the M, then no one here will blame you. As crushed as you feel right now--it is your choice what you want from here. No one here on SI, nor your friends, nor your WW can tell you what you want...so take some time to ponder this. We are here to help no matter which way you go.

I am sorry, yet glad that you have found a little relief by exposing this. It is a long road for you ahead--but you will make it.

Keep us posted.

It's great to see all the good advice being given. If only I had been here prior to my DDay, as it was, I had no one to turn to except my buddy, who had no experience in being cheated on. Here's some of the typical things the WS will say:

Re-writing the history of the marriage:

1. The "I love you but I'm not in love with you" spiel.

2. I've been unhappy for the past ____________. Sometimes they say the whole marriage.

3. You neglected my needs. You were too busy working or with your friends - Of course she didn't mind spending the money you brought in.

About the OMW:

1. They are divorcing, or

2. She already knows, she doesn't care because she has a BF of her own.

While the above may or may not be true, depending upon what OM has told her. Mostly its too protect the OM and to discourage you from informing her.

And now the emotional roller coaster begins for you and for her. One day you will be wanting to reconcile with her so bad because you love her and want to save the marriage. The next day you will be furious and will stick to the 180. One day she will be crying and acting remorseful. The next day she will say she doesn't know what she wants or say that she wants a divorce. Both of you will start to go up and down on the emotional roller coaster. It's not a fun ride at all!

Here comes the bullshit train...full speed ahead.

Ya got that right, man..

And since bullshit is one of my favorite adjectives - im gonna have to start using this one....thanks...

Ya handled this crap pretty well...nice job.

keep us posted...

Bufffalo

Today's forcast is cloudy...with a 100% chance of FOG.....

She was so kind to tell me

"I never took time way from you or the kids to be with him"!!!

WTF???

"I didn't tell you because I didn't want to hurt you"?????

WTF???

"It was my escape"

"It was the only time I felt free"

I told her...Well you're free now...