SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Goose,

Stay strong, You have received some amazing advise.

Please remember, you do not need to make ANY decisions until you are ready!!!

take it one minute at a time!!!!

Because the level of your wife's double-life is so outrageous; going to church groups? I suspect the upside to confronting is very minimal.

It might be a temporary release for you, to finally 'get the truth out', but I still strongly suspect you will be setting yourself up for long-term mayhem and pain. Her ability and level of acting argues against the Unlikelihood of any kind of demonstration of remorse...

which would be your reason for confronting, yes? To see her be the spouse you believed and hoped she was?

You know,

a real person...someone who is capable of remorse?

It is magical thinking on YOUR part that believes that confronting makes a difference with her type of betrayal. The acting. The complete dissociation? She is a special kind of cheater.

The only way to confront in your case is with a process-server. Ask your L. Is the car in your name? Sell it! and with the spare change, buy her a 900 dollar beater, so you can avoid her accusations of leaving her bereft of transportation.

Judges, even in no-fault states don't like boyfriends, so amuse yourself with her whining to the judge about how you sold her audi...I look forward to the judge's quotes on the subject.

You do this. Protect yourself first. File for divorce.

While you are waiting for it to become final, you'll learn all about the difference between remorse and regret.

THEN make your decision to R or not to R.

Get cold. Into that cold place.

Protect yourself.

DO NOT expose yourself to one ounce of crazy from now on. Ignore everything out of a non-remorseful mouf. You'll heal quicker. Promise.

So it looks like she was already on it when she first talked about M problems with you? (October, I think)?

Getting ready to go home. Here we go. We are suppose to go to church group tonight...Ummm yeah....not going to happen.

I'm calm right now.

The SI army has your back.

(((((hugs)))))

I'm soooooo sorry. She sucks. You deserve better.

Calm is good. A little chilly at times but overall good...

army,

at yer back.

Hugs man for what I am sure is coming.

You can get through it, it may not seem it now, but hold on and bear through it!

You will survive this!!!!

I'm so sorry you are having to endure this, but endure this you will.

((goose)))

Sending good thoughts your way tonight Goose.

Don't worry about R or anything else right now. Just get out and protect yourself. Your wife, if she ever does come around- wont be ready for several weeks or months. Don't even try it right away- it is extreme heartache Re-evaluate in a a month or more. Just be very kind to yourself, try to eat, drink, sleep and exercise. Get into therapy asap to help with the PTSD that this will bring on.

We will all be thinking of you tonight.

[This message edited by oceanwaves at 9:14 PM, February 28th (Monday)]

Don't record on your telephone spend the money on a quality VAR.

Goose! I wish you peace. Shine the bright light of truth on the deception. Do it in a calm and respective manner, draw a hard NC line. Make your demands, hold her behavior accountable and detach? She will demonstrate if she is interested

In R? May you walk with your head held high as you are a great person and in no way deserve to be treated this way? I am thinking about you.

I just told her. She started to lie and then told me she cheated.

I stayed calm. She is going to sleep on the couch until she can find a place to live.

I feel good to have that shit off my chest. Last week was insane.

She seems really sorry and scared as shit.

I gave her my wedding ring.

She tried to grab my phone when she knew I was recording the conversation.

I'm not sure what to do now...but I feel ALOT better.

I didn't tell her how I knew...and she really wanted to know who ratted her out.

I know im in some kind of shock...Hell maybe I can even sleep tonight? Probally not.

THANK YOU for the advice. You guys are amazing.

Well, sorry that had to happen to ya, but proud that you were able to keep calm. You might feel better now, but in the next few days, a rush of emotions are gonna hit you. Just ride the waves.

I would also look into if this guy is, in fact, married and try to reach out to her. Stay Strong!!!

Peace to you, Goose-em. I hope you can get a few winks tonight. 180. Remember the 180.

And don't reveal your sources. EVER.

((((Goose)))

Stay strong goose. Right now she's probably telling the OM that you know about their affair and getting theirs stories straight. The thing to do next is to find out if the OM has a wife or girlfriend and expose him. Do not tell your WW your doing this! If they are co-workers you might think about exposing to their employer also. This will end their fantasy affair and bring it to light.

Now the shit is going to hit the storm

DON"T REVEAL YOUR SOURCES no matter what she promises.

3 years out and I still will not reveal my sources!!!

Hang tough, you will get thru this

Goose,

email that audio file you recorded to your work. That way if she grabs your phone, you still have the recording. Not sure what's on it, but obviously she's concerned about it.

Hope you have everything else, included the computer in a safe place.

I know it will be hard. I had a sense of relief immediately after the A was confirmed and I knew I wasn't going crazy. What you are feeling is natural. It's going to be replaced by a flood of other feelings tomorrow. Just stay strong and keep coming back.

You've been very good about thinking and looking before you leap. that will serve you well in the coming months. You will probably want to look into some IC as you'll have alot of crap to deal with. It gets to everyone.

You've only scratched the tip of the iceberg, but at least you know it's there now and can work your way through these treacherous waters.

Be strong my friend.

Good job.

Make sure to write "180" on your hand to remind you and be prepared for her to lie to you, be mean to you, act in desperation, humiliate you, try to seduce you, say it was all a mistake (and then secretly contact him) etc..... just be ready, try to keep your center and trust in yourself. You are in the right here.

Take care goose.

((Goose))

Stay strong- you will realize you are stronger than you think.

Toby is right, begin shining light on the darkness- expose to OM's wife or girlfriend, the employer, anywhere that will help bring this A down.

Recognize the attempts to manipulate you and don't let it happen.

Record the conversations with the VAR- my xww went violent during the foggiest time-- protect yourself and the evidence.

She is broken. You are not crazy. She is right now.

Sending some strength, brother.

Q