SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Oh yeah.....MIND MOVIES...welcome to the club...

I will say though that at least knowing the mind movie you are dealing with ..in my case...helped some..

There are millions left to the imagination...

Several real facts made it narrowed down ..

Thanking God for Small favors i suppose..

so sorry man i wanted to cry for you i understand your pain i wish neither of us had it

Today stings.....my whole body hurts! It's finally starting to all sink in!

I didn't sign up for this....

Goose, just wanted to say so sorry that you are going through this pain called infidelity.

You have gone about this totally in the right way and I am amazed at the strength and courage that you have shown.

Please be prepared for your wife and OM to go underground. Most wayward spouses do until they come out of the fog, if ever.

If you are considering R, set your boundaries out clearly to her and let her know the consequences if she crosses them and if possible, you stick to them too, otherwise more hurt will only follow.

Stay strong and focus on you and your children and show her that you are the better person.

If they work together, is it worth contacting their Company?

Sending you big hugs

Goose: Stay hydrated...keep something in your stomach. Little bits at a time. Trust me,you have to stay on top of this or it will only make you physically ill.

We all know the morning after fall out. It's the worst emotional hangover that exists. You'll get through it. You will get stronger..It will get easier...

Hang in there ...

Her statement about the "missing passion" is probably true. All of us that have been together for many years have experienced periods in our marriages like that. (IMO) This thing with OM is just FANTASY! As others said it's the brain chemistry coupled with lack of boundries that keeps the affair alive.

What if your marriage doesn't make it? She will be with OM until that "passion" dies, then what? Shit can him and off to the next OM? Your wife (like a lot of ours) has SERIOUS issues that require professional help. Unfortunately, like any other addict she has to want to fix herself and she doesn't seem to be anywhere close to that point. Like my cheating son in law, she will have to hit "rock bottom" and then it may be too late for your relationship.

I feel for you man. My DDay was her admitting to my accusations. 3 OM that she admitted to. All on the same DDay. (I'm sorry to bring this up but you may have to realize that this OM may not be the only OM.) After initial admission I got nothing. Swept under rug. At that point hell on earth began. Don't let that happen to you! File but don't make any rash decisions right now. You may seem like you got your shit together but emotionally you're all over the map.

Take no excuses. you can't control her. She will do what her fucked up mind tells her. Best you can do is detach and hard 180. 180 is ALL about you! Gaining your self respect back as a man.

Good Luck my friend! It's NOT your fault and you WILL survive. Either way, (with or without her) your life WILL be better.

[This message edited by cuckhold at 7:30 AM, March 2nd (Wednesday)]

So next question, can someone change that is addicted to the "rush" from OM???

It's kind I'd been a consistiant theme in our marriage..attention/flirting from other men. She has always feed into it and seeked the attention out.

It still seems like I have so much more to lose in R!

We spend months in therapy, years pass then the next boy toy comes along and we start it all over again.

Once she has me secure again and knows I'm not leaving...all the shit will start again. It is so insulting and disreceptful that she believes I would never leave her!!!!

Every woman that I have ever know...deep down under all the bullshit just wants to be truly loved and taken care of. I did this for her, I don't even look at other woman...because I'm into my WW.

Isn't me not divorsing her and kicking her out just sending the message all this is ok..??? And if I take her back it will be ok next time??? If I don't boot her ass she doeant repect me.

She is scared right now....unly until she knows I won't leave.....

It's going to be a full court press....I'm not letting this shit disappear and am going to keep pushing....I'm going to let her pain settle in a little! She spent 6 months killing me! I'm agreeing to nothing and she knows my rules. If she doesn't follow them, she can bounce because I've already lost everything!

Goose, you have a PM.

This is kind of like reading a trashy novel, but instead of just reading it like most normal people...she wants to actually live it!!!! Can it be that fun?? I always down for a good book or movie...but she fully lived it!

She can fully live ALL of the reprocustions too!!!

I'm going to let her pain settle in a little!

I personally believe that this is really really important at this stage. Forgiving to quickly, and jumping directly onto R is a mistake. Trust your gut, I believe it is leading you in the right direction so far. Moving into 180 mode right now would make sense.

That is where the professional help comes in. Establishing healthy boundaries. What is and is not appropriate.

Like any other addict she has to want to help herself. Meth and heroin addicts crave the rush also, but with help and DESIRE to get clean, they CAN get straight.

Be straight forward with her about the consequences of her actions past present future.

Draw the line in the sand and STICK to it! Let her know in no uncertain terms that you WILL survive what ever the outcome.

Bottom line is she has to come face to face with her "demon" and decide if she wants to "dance with the devil" or save herself and your marriage.

Without looking weay back did you say that you, as a couple are active in a church? If so, how does she feel about herself and her faith?

I know my last post sounded contradictory to the PM I sent you, but I had not yet read your last post...oh well, the article will still help when and if R is on the table.

Peace.

Goose:

Welcome to the next stage...that which we around here call the Roller Coaster!

You are bouncing between R and D.

Try to get off that train..and tell yourself that you have NO CLUE what you want to do at this point. Your going to bounce and bounce and eventually you'll get off. Easier said than done, but you really can't predict NOW what you want to do. So much has to do with her reactions from now on and how SHE decides to act and handle all of this.

Grab your seat belt and say put for now....

Today...you must read up on the 180 and put it in full gear!

You are doing so well.

Keep on ...keeping on..we are your cheering squad. SO many of us wish we knew all that we know now when we were in your shoes...

[This message edited by Trying2Survive2 at 7:48 AM, March 2nd (Wednesday)]

Every woman that I have ever know...deep down under all the bullshit just wants to be truly loved and taken care of.

this is true, but some women dont want that from just 1 man. I personally would rather have the love and attention from 1 man than 100 but for some women that are lacking something feel differently.

What does your WW think is going to happen from this point? Happy days will return? Except 9/11 has happened.

Having laid out the consequences and options as you have, why did she stay? And why does she think you'd be satisfied with being second choice?

You've the formula and mindset

I'm agreeing to nothing and she knows my rules. If she doesn't follow them, she can bounce because I've already lost everything!

Spot on.

Once is enough

[This message edited by doctor49 at 8:17 AM, March 2nd (Wednesday)]

Sorry you are here brother.

I tend to paint women like that with a pretty large brush. In my experience, people like that do not change and I think you know that. Barring some massive therapy intervention, she will continue to seek other men out for external validation.

She will tell you whatever you need to hear until she is caught the next time.

Remember, for every lie we uncover, there are probably 300 covered.

Goose,

It's going to be a full court press....I'm not letting this shit disappear and am going to keep pushing....I'm going to let her pain settle in a little! She spent 6 months killing me!

And you have to prepare yourself for the fact that it might not have been just these last six months.

It is important that you push for the whole truth right now--your WW is still reeling--and your best chances of finding out everything is in these next days.

She has to know that lying or omission right now is a guaranteed death of any chance to R.

In other words, she has to know she has nothing to lose by being honest from here on out.

Prepare yourself for more, but keep the cool head that you have been using thus far. If you treat it like an addiction, and she needed her "fix", will it matter if it was more than 2 OM? That is for you to decide.

[This message edited by jb3199 at 10:15 AM, March 2nd (Wednesday)]

Question to the WW is. Is she sorry for hurting you, or is she sorry she got caught? It sounds like if you didn't intervene, this would have continued.

It sounds like OM is running for the hills, he definately threw her under the bus and left her high and dry. I would put forth the effort to contact the OMW. She has a right to know.

I really feel she is sorry for hurting me. She kept saying I was hoping it would go away and she could bury it.And She wanted to tell me but she knew it would ruin everything.

She hasn't said anything hurtful to me through the whole process or lashed out at me.(so far).

She has taken my verbal abuse..about destroying everything putting me at risk for STD/HIV etc etc.

She doesn't want to give up her best friend. Which tells me she ISN'T willing to do everything for this to work.

If she is not willing to give up her little bitch friend...what is the point of R? She has not said...she will do anything to make it work.

She is scared to death I'm going to tell the OMW.(which I'm going to).