SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I really believe MY WW is done with him and will have no contact

goose - watch yourself. I've read this thread from the beginning like many here and to me you were very set that you were not going to fall for her words and you were very strong in saying her actions had to lead the way.

To me, it has changed very quickly where she has said a few things to you that you wanted to hear and you suddenly believe she is done with the A.

Go back and read from the beginning everything everyone is saying. DO NOT BELIEVE HER. This is like a drug to them and the majority can't kick this drug with just a NC email.

You sound like a different person in the last few posts and that concerns me. That you are looking for the right words from her to make you feel good, I hope you aren't setting yourself up for more hurt.

Good luck to you. You are a rock in this whole thing.

You are stuck...this is another one of those..if I do this will I be ruining my chances at R...will I be ruiining someone else's life.

This is YOUR fear talking...

FACE your FEAR and remember all the good advice you have gotten so far...could all of them be wrong?!?

It is uncanny how the script is almost the same and yet the location, characters are different.

It is no coincidence that you landed on SI at the time you did.

Just like you deserve respect and someone that you can trust so does the OS. Maybe she already knows..won't that be a shock if she tells you I knew for 3 months..and she didn't tell you!! What would you say to her?! Nothing good can come from secrets.

FACE that FEAR...send the email and trust the words of the wise ones here.

Good Luck!

Thank You

Your message has been sent.....

((((((goose-em))))))

(((((goose))))

AMEN!

I also wondered if this man is a serial cheater...who knows?

His poor wife could have an STD and she'd not even know it.

Good for you GOOSE ....now just hope she gets it.

I'm really beginning to understand the "fog" more. She has only really talked to her "best friend" at this point and a few others after dday.

Her friend is the one who also flirts with the guys at work and enjoys all the attention. They are like a little team, teasing all the guys while they work. And they all have a blast because all the guys are after them.

Her friend now knows the "party" is over...and she scared to death to lose her partner in crime. Her friend is also miserable in her marriage. Her husband is always gone and never gives her attention.

I know she is feeding my wife a bunch of bullshit about me.

See in their mind..I'm the one stopping them from being even better friends and hanging out more and having more "fun". Her friend also don't have kids nor does she understand the responsibilities of being parent.

Her friend is part of the whole lifesytle working late,flirting with guys, girl night out, etc etc. A lifestyle that is totally incompatible with a good marriage.

Right now my wife is trying to what lifestyle she wants...She wanted to have BOTH...and now she can't. The party is OVER....And now she has to choose. And She feels I'm controlling her.

And she destroyed the only things that really matter in her life, her husband and kids.

She is really in the fog....and you're right it's like she is sick.

She actually said to me..that flirting with guys is innocent and she wishes that I could have understood that. She actually wanted that to be part of our marriage.

Then 10 minutes later she admitted the affair started because the OM sent her a photo of him via text message and she was "weak" because we were having problems. Then a few weeks later after flirting they kissed...then you know the rest.

So flirting is what caused our marriage to fail..and she telling me that's it totally ok..and I should have been more cool with it.

TALK ABOUT FOG!!!! Her head is not on planet earth right now.

I'm going to gently keep pushing her out(to let the fog clear)...but also understand that I need to be very patient at the same time.

By the way...She was walking around in her underwear this morning....She is very manipulative.... I'm not buying it.

Goose,

she's saying you were/are controling and that played apart in her A. Don't let her blame you for any part of her A. You are in a MARRIAGE. Trying to prevent your wife from screwing around with other guys isn't controling, it is called wanting to be with MY WIFE in MY MARRIAGE and not having a third person in it.

Your WW wants a break from marriage and her skank friend feeds her wanting that break from marriage. Too bad her vows didn't include "for better or for worse, for a while and then we will escape this marriage for a while and come back after I've had some fun".

If you do the 180 like it is meant to be done, make yourself stronger and portray yourself like you are moving on with our without her, you will be in control of your own destiny - WITH OR WITHOUT her.

By the way...She was walking around in her underwear this morning....She is very manipulative.... I'm not buying it.

I'm sorry, but this made me laugh. SOOOO textbook. Be prepared for her to start being even more seductive....

you go Goose!!!

trully you are a hero!!!

All the strength and courage to you.

You really did do the right thing by sending that e-mail.

Keep repeating your requirments, and stay true to yourself!!!

Ok all you seasoned SI'ers have you all informed Goose what "HB" IS?

LOL

Walking around in the undies made me giggle too.

ditto betrayedandnumb regarding the seduction routine, be wary goose-em, she will probably amp it up

she could be looking for power and control in the situation by using her sexuality

she could have some crazy ideas about sex = forgiveness

she could also have some crazy ideas about getting pregnant = goose-em can't leave me now

she could also be looking at sex as a way to validate that you still love her or that she can't be that bad because you still have sex with her

good for you to recognize the manipulation tactic!!

eta sp

[This message edited by A Woman Scorned at 6:01 PM, March 3rd (Thursday)]

Oh yeah....bring on the sexy time.

Back in the day.... We called this around here, a "mercy fuck" or "pity fuck". Its in the WW playbook(page 10) I believe! Just a tactic to get you to start thinking with your dick and not your brain. It's good that you recognized it.

Dear Goose,

Your wife needs to read the book, "Not Just Friends," by Shirley Glass. Flirting obviously is what led to her A, so she has boundary issues. Do not let her dictate what she can and cannot do to stay in the M, or she will continue her bad behavior.

By the way, you definitely did the right thing by sending that e-mail. Too many of us BS shoulder the burden of blame for our spouses' terrible behavior. It is not your fault, and that woman needs to know what her husband has been doing. Everyone who cheats claims to be in a "bad" marriage. Usually that is just an excuse they use.

I hope she defogs soon. I know it is so difficult right now. Good luck to you.

Wait, she didn't know flirting leads to affairs?

Even this guy knows that...

Goose-em!!! For you man....

You also get this one..

Just bask in the glory...

waited until this moment to post as I'm only 10 days post D-Day myself.

It really boils down to would I want to know. or not...and if this is REALLY the right thing to do....

Here was my take to inform the OMBS. I wanted to put pressure on the other end of my WW EA. I would also want to know if my WW was having an affair. OP's BW was greatful I called and gave her what details I had before I confronted WW. Also to compare notes, and she was able to provide OM's text logs in return.

If you don't tell, you run the risk of her continuing to ruin someone else's M.

Mine was purely selfish reasons, but I thought she would want to know. And she definately did!. We have an agreement to continue to monitor, and if we find something the other might need to know, we'll email it. My WW knows I am in contact with OM's BW about monitoring and cross checking info, and she doesnt not get access to that account, but I do show her our e-mails. Open access goes both ways.

Hang in there Goose

You are doing great Goose!! We are all so proud of you - keep up the good work. Take care of yourself and the children. Just keep swimming...

Maybe the OM's BW will show up here in "Just Found Out." Has that ever happened?

I'm getting a feeling this is a calm before the storm.....